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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To spite myself by not keeping this gift

68 replies

Deminism · 01/12/2019 16:30

A woman who does not like me and who I do not like has given me a lovely decorative gift in a supreme passive aggressive act (she gave one to each of us in a group for helping her out while at the same time making clear that she does not like me). It is very pretty. But if I keep it I think I will always look at t and think that is from that woman who does not like me and makes me feel shit. On the other hand it is lovely and exactly what I would have bought for myself had I seen it.

OP posts:

makingmammaries · 01/12/2019 17:11

Keep it. Put it somewhere you won’t see it much. In a while, when you feel better about it, put it on the mantelpiece.

KurriKurri · 01/12/2019 17:16

I want to know how she managed to give you a gift while making it clear she doesn't like you
I think if you like it you should keep it. Keep mentioning how much you love it, how it's your favourite thing, how kind she is to think of you etc etc. Then her passive aggressiveness will be eliminated by your gushing over it.
(I have a sister with whom I am now NC but she used to do passive aggressive gift giving like no one I've ever met - I wonder what people get out of it ? Just weird.)

Sparklyring · 01/12/2019 17:16

I'd keep it and enjoy, justbthink of the kind at you did.

Mrsmadevans · 01/12/2019 17:19

GET RID! It's toxic

PlumsGalore · 01/12/2019 17:21

Why doesnt she like you?

Do you like her? Of not, why not?

I would keep it if i liked it. I might even tell her in front of everyone how lovely it was. She would left wondering whether you meant it or were being passive aggressive back.

I would then tell the others when she wasn’t there how much you liked it, just in case.

I mean, you’re not lying are you? You DO like it.

Mind games.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/12/2019 17:22

I want to know how she managed to give you a gift while making it clear she doesn't like you

‘I got you a little gift; nothing much, just something to say thank you for all your help. You toffee-nosed, horse-faced bitch. Anyway, enjoy!’

HeyMissyYouSoFine · 01/12/2019 17:23

Keep it. Put it somewhere you won’t see it much. In a while, when you feel better about it, put it on the mantelpiece.

That would work for my DH - he'd forget where it came from - I'd remember but might be less bothered with time.

I'd wait it out - and possibly re-gift later it if I couldn't get passed it.

Hidingtonothing · 01/12/2019 17:25

I would keep it, and take perverse pleasure in the fact that she inadvertently bought me something I really like But it doesn't sound like you work that way so you should get rid if it's going to give you bad vibes.

damnthatanxiety · 01/12/2019 17:25

Keep it. For goodness sakes. She had to buy you the gift to not look like a total bitch. AND you like it !!! Fabulous outcome - YOU WIN!!!! Look at it and smile inside knowing she has kind of messed up with her nastiness

EvaHarknessRose · 01/12/2019 17:28

It doesn't bring you joy! I gave away or binned good gifts with bad karma.

RainySnowyDay · 01/12/2019 17:29

Can you modify it in some way? I’ve been in a very similar situation. The gift I was given (a beautiful bracelet). Was fab, but I couldn’t bear to look at it because of how hateful the people who gave it to me were. I added a couple of charms and now I wear it regularly and happily, and never think about those horrible people when I do so.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/12/2019 17:32

Do you need to decide straight away? I'd keep it for a bit and see how it made me feel.

KurriKurri · 01/12/2019 17:33

StillCoughingandLaughing

MitziK · 01/12/2019 17:36

ExSIL hated me and gave me what she thought was the shittiest gift in the world one Christmas - a bag of the unwanted toiletries she'd been given over the year, including a gel eye mask.

I adored telling anybody and everybody about what a wonderful present it was, as I'd had migraines since I was 8 and this face mask completely stopped them every single time. I could see the annoyance in her face that she'd done such a lovely thing for me, and to finally have relief from the pain AND be able to repeatedly piss her off in the process and look like a nice, kind person whilst she looked like an utter bitch due to the stuff she said behind my back to the same people was a huge bonus.

The woman who doesn't like you is probably gutted that you love it so much. Enjoy that whilst you enjoy the thing that was exactly what you wanted.

yasle · 01/12/2019 17:36

I'd put it in the charity shop. I don't like thinking about people who have been horrible to me so I wouldn't keep reminders around.

LemonSqueezy0 · 01/12/2019 17:38

Doesn't it equal out? You helped her out even though you don't particularly like her; she got you a gift (alongside everyone who helped her) even though (you think) she doesn't particularly like you either, to say thank you.... Everyone is being perfectly nice.

My old mum used to say sometimes what you think other people are thinking says more about you than them...

LucheroTena · 01/12/2019 17:41

You should enjoy it all the more for the fact she hated buying it!

rwalker · 01/12/2019 17:43

Deffo keep it she was backed into a corner because everyone got one.
Wouldn't give it another thought

willowmelangell · 01/12/2019 17:43

Well I'm more nosy than I thought. I'm gasping to know how you can give a lovely gift but make it obvious it is choking you up inside.
Did she fling it across the room like a frisbee, snarling "Happy effin Christmas?"
Anyway, a real poser, keep or not?
I would keep it, mentioning at very chance, how great it was, just perfect, such a thoughtful gift etc and how I will think of every time I see it......

SeasonalVag · 01/12/2019 17:49

Regift it... Into her friendship group.

She'll never know who have it away... It will she?!

PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair · 01/12/2019 17:50

Is it possible you are misinterpreting things and that this was an olive branch?

Havaina · 01/12/2019 17:53

Sell it on ebay and get yourself something else.

RandomUsernameHere · 01/12/2019 17:54

If the gift makes you feel negative, then give it away or sell it.
If you can enjoy it regardless of the issues with the giver, keep it.

SmileyClare · 01/12/2019 17:56

Is it possible she's changed her opinion of you and is showing her gratitude for your help with the gift? Sure you're not overthinking this OP?

I just can't imagine the thought process of giving someone a "beautiful decorative gift" because you dislike them. How is that not only passive aggressive but "supremely passive aggressive"?

That'll teach her, I'll spend my money on a beautiful gift for Deminism.. ultimate revenge mwah haha

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/12/2019 17:57

If it makes you feel bad, give it away to someone else who doesn't know about its bad JuJU history, but will be glad you gave it to them, and you will feel better and won't have it as a constant reminder. Also.. why not just ask her outright in a nice way why she doesn't like you?

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