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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To spite myself by not keeping this gift

68 replies

Deminism · 01/12/2019 16:30

A woman who does not like me and who I do not like has given me a lovely decorative gift in a supreme passive aggressive act (she gave one to each of us in a group for helping her out while at the same time making clear that she does not like me). It is very pretty. But if I keep it I think I will always look at t and think that is from that woman who does not like me and makes me feel shit. On the other hand it is lovely and exactly what I would have bought for myself had I seen it.

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/12/2019 18:00

I’d smash it with a hammer over a tea towel, and sprinkle the bits somewhere near where she parks her car every day.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/12/2019 18:03

I’d keep it and think eff her everytime I see it and smile

I was going to suggest this ^ . . . .

then I saw this v v v v v

Put it in a charity shop near her house and ask for it to go in the window!

Seriously, though - if I liked it, I'd keep it.

AnneKipanki · 01/12/2019 18:07

I actually get the best presents from someone at work who does not like me .
I keep them.

VenusTiger · 01/12/2019 18:11

You have the same taste then... you’re probably so similar in personality and are both disliking each other too that it’s probably the reason you don’t get on.
Been there - some similar personalities just don’t mix well.

mrscolonelbrandon · 01/12/2019 18:18

Possibly a change of, heart so enjoy the gift however if you feel you can’t enjoy without feeling annoyed or hurt then Donate to a charity shop I’m sure someone will get joy out of it and the charity can do good with the money earned - it’s a win win for all x

DistanceCall · 01/12/2019 18:27

She gave a gift to you together with other people, for helping her. The gift is nice, and you would have bought it for yourself.

Why would you get rid of it? It's not personal - she also gave gifts to other people. Oh, and she doesn't "make you feel shit". It's you who allows her to influence your mood. Ignore her, and enjoy the gift.

The extremes people will go to to find reasons to be unhappy.

lilyboleyn · 01/12/2019 18:31

See, I’d sell it and use the money to buy something different. Or you could go and buy yourself a new one, and give that one to the charity shop. Either way you get rid of the bad vibes.

Ginkypig · 01/12/2019 18:58

Does it matter if she doesn't like you.

You did something nice for someone you didn't even like and she gave you and the others who helped a gift for that help so you deserve it. It doesn't actually matter if she has made you know she doesn't like you it doesn't change the help you gave her.

Look at it and think I did a nice thing when I didn't need to and this thing I got that I like so much reminds me of that.

thewinkingprawn · 01/12/2019 19:01

She genuinely sounds nice to have bought you something nice. I wonder who is actually the unpleasant one 🤔

Haworthia · 01/12/2019 19:05

I LOVE all the holier than thou responses from people wilfully misunderstanding the situation

Ginkypig · 01/12/2019 19:07

haw am I one? Have I missed the point?

Not goady just wondering.

AnneKipanki · 01/12/2019 19:11

@Deminism
If you can't live with it though, chuck it , destroy it , regift it , or take to charity shop.

Original poster

Deminism · 01/12/2019 19:18

Hello. Oooh lots of responses.
I can’t give the details really as it will be identifying. But @StillCoughingandLaughing
is more or less correct with her suggestion of “I got you a little gift; nothing much, just something to say thank you for all your help. You toffee-nosed, horse-faced bitch.”

We don’t live in the same city. She is a different generation to me. The gift is lovely but not valuable.

Perhaps I will gift it to my daughter so we can have it on display as a lovely gift I gave my dd!!

OP posts:

cowfacemonkey · 01/12/2019 19:19

I'd keep it if you like it but then I don't attached sentimental value to inanimate objects. If I really liked it then I'd no difficulty in seeing as something I like rather than something that reminds me of someone I hates me.

You think the gift is supremely passive aggressive maybe she thinks your "help" was supremely passive aggressive?

SmileyClare · 01/12/2019 19:19

You said you were part of a group that helped her out recently. Did you do this in a passive aggressive manner?

It all sounds very toxic and so false! You helping her out with a smile, her giving you a beautiful gift, you accepting with thanks and assurances you love it... and neither of you meaning a word of it!

cowfacemonkey · 01/12/2019 19:24

How does one even come to be helping out a person they hate that doesn't even live in the same city?

Original poster

Deminism · 02/12/2019 08:49

Well the first thing I thought of this morning when I looked at it was if this chat not of the person who gave it to me so yay! Guess I will keep it.

Am surprised it is outside the realms of some imaginations that you would do a nice thing because it is the right thing to do not because you like someone.

OP posts:

User342109097569098 · 02/12/2019 09:41

Keep it as a fuck you to the woman and every time you look at it think about how she spent money on it and laugh

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