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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to palm my baby off on others

74 replies

vincettenoir · 01/12/2019 07:25

I was at a family party for 5 hours the other day. I gave my baby feeds and changes and settled her when she cried during the party. But she has a good temperament and for most of the time others held her or she napped and I had a good time catching up with people I hadn’t seen for a while. I hear a lot from mothers on this site saying they don’t like others holding their baby. That’s fair enough. But AIBU to be relaxed with others holding her and enjoying a break like this? I’m not sure if other mothers do this or not. I can’t remember from what I have observed, I guess I’ve never paid attention that closely or thought about it before now.

OP posts:
spanglydangly · 01/12/2019 07:26

YANBU

SnuggyBuggy · 01/12/2019 07:28

It's not palming off if you were there to feed and tend to your baby the whole time. Sounds fine to me

ColiseumNights · 01/12/2019 07:28

Are you asking if you are being unreasonable to allow others to hold your baby? No, you’re not.

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 01/12/2019 07:28

YANBU. Make the most of the time if other people enjoy holding baby and she's coping fine being away from you!

Vulpine · 01/12/2019 07:30

God no. I loved other people taking my baby

sandgrown · 01/12/2019 07:30

I have done this. It's great to have a break and some adult conversation while friends and family enjoy holding the baby.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/12/2019 07:31

If you’re happy and your baby is happy, YANBU. (This approach will work for most decisions).

90schic · 01/12/2019 07:33

How old is your baby? I hated leaving my baby when he was very small, but I was admittedly a huge mumzilla Grin he was incredibly fussy and would only settle on mum / constantly wanted boob. But if your baby is super chilled and settles on others... why not? Girl needs a break.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 01/12/2019 07:33

YANBU if you're happy with letting others hold your baby. I always did at family events and love holding other people's babies now if I get chance.

My older sister was different with her second DD and wouldn't let anyone hold her for the first few months of her life; she'd read up on bonding and wanted to ensure she only bonded with my sister which caused huge, huge family arguments and now my niece is 24 she's just like every other 24 year old and has no closer bond to my sister than the other DD who everyone held.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 01/12/2019 07:35

Not at all, the more people my son interacts with the better in my opinion!
You were there to provide the basic needs (food, change, nap) everyone loves a baby so enjoy the free time while others fuss!!!
As @Testing says, as long as you and baby are happy it's fine!

tangled2 · 01/12/2019 07:36

Nope! It's fine. I'm also looking forward to when my baby is old and settled enough to have sleepovers at their grandparents 😂 I know a lot depends on temperament, but at 10 months mine is really sociable and would probably be very cross to be kept with me the whole time when there's other people to grin at.

Original poster
vincettenoir · 01/12/2019 07:40

It’s good to here others do this too. My baby is 5 months but I have behaved like this from birth - not that I go to that many parties.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 01/12/2019 07:42

I think this is great TBH! Everyone gets to enjoy holding her ,and she enjoys having a new person to talk to her cuddle her and so on .If you need babysitter or Childcare later she will be super chilled ! You have a nice break and come back fresh to her as it were.

Bobbiepin · 01/12/2019 07:43

You aren't palming him off, you're creating social interaction. Everyone held dd pretty much from birth, she would fall asleep or cuddle & now she's the most sociable 2 year old I know, will play with everyone.

Mammyofasuperbaby · 01/12/2019 07:44

Yanbu at all. I'd say palming off is when baby is handed to anyone, the parents can't be found and other people have to look after the baby, not just have a cuddle.
My son always happily spent time with his family but we were always near and did most of his care (sometimes family wanted to do it so we could have 5 mins break) but I've seen cases where babies have been left with children and the parents disappeared or were ignoring their screaming baby.

Pityparty4one · 01/12/2019 07:44

YANBU.
When I used to visit family I handed the baby ( I have 4 DC and did this with all of them) over to which ever family member was waiting with open arms. I then promptly collapsed on the sofa and enjoyed a child free brew/sandwich/nap.

FloreanFortescue · 01/12/2019 07:47

I think it usually has to do with an already present dislike for the person holding their baby. They just masquerade it as a dislike for anyone holding their baby.

CeCeLaine66 · 01/12/2019 07:51

Well I don’t class that as palming your baby off. If everyone else is happy to offer a cuddle and some fuss why not make the most of it.

Teateaandmoretea · 01/12/2019 07:52

You just have to do what feels right to you. I learnt on MN when my youngest was about 4 that some (most?) mothers apparently won't or don't want to leave babies under about 1 with anyone else including DH because they aren't ready. My children (and I) are seemingly unscathed by DH looking after them and being babysat by their grannies. You just have to do what you are comfortable with and not worry about other people. The same obviously goes for the other peopleSmile

Firsttimemama2017 · 01/12/2019 07:58

Nope perfectly normal! I was exactly the same and in real life know very few mothers who refuse to let others hold their babies. Small babies are a joy to be shared with family and friends

katmarie · 01/12/2019 08:04

Yanbu. I'm taking my five week old to a party this afternoon and looking forward to doing exactly that :)

MRex · 01/12/2019 08:05

I think you've misunderstood. Some babies won't be happily passed around, so their mums keep them close. My friend's DD was like this from just a few weeks old, screaming at anyone not-mummy. Others are fine sometimes and less fine at other times. Mine was happy cuddling anybody at 5 months old, but no chance at 7 months when the first bout of separation anxiety kicked in.

Ragwort · 01/12/2019 08:05

YANBU, I never felt the need to hold or be with my baby 24/7, I never forget when DS was ten days old going out to a function in our village hall for a couple of hours (my mother was babysitting & I could walk home in 2 mins if DS needed feeding), another mother said to me that she couldn't believe I could leave my baby Hmm. I also used to love it when a friend took my baby for a walk in the pram, she loved being around babies and I loved having a break. My DS is now a confident 18 year old at uni who shows no sign of ever having been 'neglected'.

INeedNewShoes · 01/12/2019 08:09

YANBU.

I’ve been exactly the same. From day 1, as long as DD was fed, clean and relaxed being held by someone else I made the most of the opportunity.

It is lovely to be able to drink a properly hot cup of tea from full to empty cup, have a proper chat with someone giving them your full attention and with their attention being divided with the baby.

I actually think it’s healthy. Baby will will be spending 95% of their time with you and I don’t for one moment believe that being occupied by others at a party will affect this.

mummmy2017 · 01/12/2019 08:11

Long ago we went out as a family, very relaxed meal , a carvery at a football club, 12 children aged one month upto ten years old.
10 Adults in total, all related, when we left and collected up our children the staff laughed as no child was with the person who had feed them or done toilet duty.

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