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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to palm my baby off on others

74 replies

vincettenoir · 01/12/2019 07:25

I was at a family party for 5 hours the other day. I gave my baby feeds and changes and settled her when she cried during the party. But she has a good temperament and for most of the time others held her or she napped and I had a good time catching up with people I hadn’t seen for a while. I hear a lot from mothers on this site saying they don’t like others holding their baby. That’s fair enough. But AIBU to be relaxed with others holding her and enjoying a break like this? I’m not sure if other mothers do this or not. I can’t remember from what I have observed, I guess I’ve never paid attention that closely or thought about it before now.

OP posts:

ClinkyMonkey · 01/12/2019 08:12

YANBU. I'd have loved my two DS's to be held by other people, but they hated anyone else holding them. DS1 in particular managed to cultivate an expression of deep suspicion if anyone (including the grandparents) so much as looked sideways at him. Then the wailing started. It was very frustrating, not to mention embarrassing! He's the most sociable child you could meet now.

BendingSpoons · 01/12/2019 08:13

With my second DC I realised it is ofte easier to do things with a younger baby. I went to someone's work leaving drinks when DS was 5 weeks. My colleagues all had a hold whilst I had a drink in peace. DS is now 9 months and wouldn't like this (separation anxiety).

Afolnerd · 01/12/2019 08:13

We went to a friends wedding when our 3rd child was 3 months. I barely saw her for the whole reception! I think most of the people there had a cuddle then she made her way back to me when she needed a feed or a change. She was quite happy and I got a break. The only time I got a bit anxious was when the bride had her as I thought she might be sick on her!

Subeccoo · 01/12/2019 08:15

Dd plans to do exactly that today. Family meal, 20 people seeing each other for first time in a few months, two who have never met 16 week old baby, no other kids, afternoon in a nice pub afterwards... it's gonna be a decent break for her!

NoSauce · 01/12/2019 08:17

It’s fine OP. Good for you. I never understand why some women on MN won’t let anyone hold their baby.

MsAwesomeDragon · 01/12/2019 08:18

I behaved like that from birth. A friend brought us home from hospital (dh doesn't drive, so she offered) then stayed for about an hour, she cuddled the baby most of that time.

By about 6 months dd started objecting to being held by other people outside our immediate family. Coinciding nicely with me going back to work and her going to a childminder. She took about a week to accept the cm as one of her "acceptable people", but even grandparents weren't on the list! She's still quite like that now at 9, she only talks to certain people, the list of acceptable people is longer now, but she still won't talk to strangers (like doctors, dentists, shop assistants, etc).

Enjoy it while she's still little and cute and sociable. Once she has a more defined personality she may decide she doesn't want to be away from you (or she may still love meeting loads of people, they're all different)

user1494050295 · 01/12/2019 08:23

I once handed my seven month old to the passenger next to me on a flight to Australia. He was head of the ambulance service (the mans wife and kids were in the row behind) and my mum was down the back of the plane.

Buyitinbamboo · 01/12/2019 08:36

Sounds like a dream. DD would only accept me, DP or my mum (actually she's pretty much the same at 3) 2 week old DS looks the same too...

ThinkIamflyingundertheradar · 01/12/2019 08:38

I love mums and babies who are happy to let me cuddle them for hours. It’s such a treat to hold a little one. You are welcome at my house anytime.

My DSis was very protective of her PFB and wouldn’t let anyone near him let alone cuddle him. We respected her choice but it felt very odd and sad when he was around that we couldn’t approach him

OpheliaBee · 01/12/2019 08:38

It takes a village! My one year old is incredibly sociable and relaxed. It’s easy to leave him with friends and family, and I think it’s because he always has been. The only exception was when we were establishing breastfeeding I wouldn’t have passed him out to all and sundry.

Booboostwo · 01/12/2019 08:39

It can really depend on the child. My DD would scream if not in my arms, it took her time to get used to going to her own father and her screaming were intolerable. DS by contrast was completely chilled with everyone, even out of sight from me from day one. Even the MWs at the hospital commented on how chilled he was.

Yestermost · 01/12/2019 08:39

Yadnbu the people I know who were anal about others holding their babies from birth often then had clingy toddlers.
I always loved it when people would hold mine so.i could drink a hot cup of tea!

lowlandLucky · 01/12/2019 08:44

When my 3 were babies you didnt even think about it, everyone wanted to hold the baby. When i was young ( under 10) Mums used to pay us to walk their baby. Dont understand why letting someone else hold your baby has become such a drama

90schic · 01/12/2019 08:45

Agree with MREX. Some babies really arnt comfortable with it. My baby screamed if DP held him at 3months old! Every baby / mum is different. If you and your DD are happy with it, nothing wrong with it at all. If I had passed DS around at a party he would of had a royal melt down. Otherwise I most certainly would have

Doilooklikeatourist · 01/12/2019 08:45

The best thing about a family party , is playing Pass the Baby 👍
Most people love to hold a baby , gives you a break and a chance to catch up ( as you did )
I think it’s strange when people don’t want others to hold their baby , or even look at baby and comment about it
YANBU

lowlandLucky · 01/12/2019 08:48

Bendingspoons its not seperation anxiety it is just a normal process babies go through for a short period of time.

MarleneandBoycie · 01/12/2019 08:48

I loathe holding people’s babies, many (most) people do, so if you really were palming your baby off, then you are massively unreasonable and selfish.

ShinyGiratina · 01/12/2019 08:49

If the baby isn't the type to want to be passed around or the people present are likely to be harmful to baby, that's one thing.

Otherwise it's very healthy for mum to have a break and baby to be socialised around.

A society where baby is only in contact with its parents, or exclusively its mother is a very new thing, and that's a huge burden for a mother.

I was very happy to let people care for DS1, not that I could get out of bed for the first 48 hours anyway. And I already had cabin fever from being snowed in for over 3 weeks before a tough birth, so anyone willing to see him and hold him was a great thing for us right from the start. Don't stress the bonding, it's a long game and not broken by things going awry in the first days/ weeks.

mummmy2017 · 01/12/2019 08:50

Sat in hospital , my child was 6 hours old.
Nice lady very pregnant was wondering around in PJs , got talking in the TV lounge, she had been there for two weeks, watching babies come and go.
Very bored so I asked do you want to hold my child, her face lit up, so she sat for an hour holding my baby. There were some tears, it seemed she had been so ill for the whole pregnancy, she had lost sight of the fact she would been taking a child home soon.
I just think some of us mums are willing to share the baby times, and some mums can't, each to their own, no way is right, it is just your way.

Havaina · 01/12/2019 08:53

Er yes of course it's fine to let others hold your baby.

CrotchetyQuaver · 01/12/2019 08:59

I think it's great and I'm sure that everyone loves it. I was a bit foal proud with mine, no idea why - I just was - and didn't like other people holding them until they were probably about 10-11 months old.

GirlOnIt · 01/12/2019 08:59

Yanbu, I’d say I’m quite a relaxed parent and with both my dc I’ve been happy for them to go to others. Called into work to visit with newborn dd and I was chatting to my boss and one of my colleagues had taken her off to introduce her to everyone, she was content with cuddles and I trusted the person who took her to return her if she wasn’t. With ds (1) it depends on his mood, he didn’t want to go with my colleague, which was fine he stayed with me. But then when we joined them he was happy going to everyone for cuddles and giving everyone hi-five’s.

I certainly wouldn’t judge any mum for palming her baby off in the way you describe Op. like wise I wouldn’t judge any mum who’s not happy for her baby to be held by others.
I think parenting comes with a huge amount of gut and intuition and we need to trust in ourselves that we know what works best for us and our babies. It’s not one size fits all and it’s not a competition.

I work on the basis with two under two, of just making my life as easy as possible on myself. I think my babies would rather the odd cuddle and being left with others than a stressed, burnt out mummy. It seems to be working ok so far 🤞

Librocubicularist · 01/12/2019 09:02

YANBU. I was the same with DD - she was happy to be held by other people she knew and didn't know. I could easily leave her for an hour or so.

Now at nearly 4, she is a sociable and outgoing child who is confident when interacting with children and adults alike.

MeTheCoolOne · 01/12/2019 09:04

Bit of an odd thing to be questioning. You were happy to let other members of you family hold your baby while you were all at a family party together and you are unsure whether you were being reasonable or not. 😂😂😂😂

To clear things up for you YANBU to let others hold your 5 month old but YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU to start an AIBU thread about it. 😁

Tetraread · 01/12/2019 09:07

@MarleneandBoycie I can't imagine people were saying no thanks and OP was forcing them to hold her baby from experience most people enjoy it, and those that don't say, which is more than fair enough.

OP YANBU, it's lovely to have both hands free for a while.

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