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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to palm my baby off on others

74 replies

vincettenoir · 01/12/2019 07:25

I was at a family party for 5 hours the other day. I gave my baby feeds and changes and settled her when she cried during the party. But she has a good temperament and for most of the time others held her or she napped and I had a good time catching up with people I hadn’t seen for a while. I hear a lot from mothers on this site saying they don’t like others holding their baby. That’s fair enough. But AIBU to be relaxed with others holding her and enjoying a break like this? I’m not sure if other mothers do this or not. I can’t remember from what I have observed, I guess I’ve never paid attention that closely or thought about it before now.

OP posts:

User12879923378 · 01/12/2019 09:08

I held my baby all the time and didn't care a jot about letting the house go at home (only have one!), but I still enjoyed having my hands free to eat normally and being able to have a proper catch up at family parties as long as I knew roughly where she was and who was holding her!

Florencenotflo · 01/12/2019 09:09

I'm lucky if I see my kids at family get together 😂 we went to BIL's last weekend for a big birthday celebration. dd1 is one of the youngest so her older cousins love taking her off to play, Mil keeps an eye making sure that the kids are well supplied with fruit shoots and kinder eggs. The youngest is only 3 months but she's quite a happy little thing and seemed to be freely giving out smiles to anyone that held her. She came back when she needed changing or feeding. But I always make sure I'm there to sort any issues with dd1 (like not sharing, being too rough, when she went through a biting phase I'd be a lot closer). But she's nearly 4 now and much better behaved!

I think as long as you are on hand it's fine,one of the good bits about having a big family is that we all keep an eye on each other's kids and we can all relax. No one person is in charge of the kids.

VisionQuest · 01/12/2019 09:11

No, I loved it too.

soupey1 · 01/12/2019 09:32

Yep, as long as mine have been happy, I was always willing to let others share them. They weren’t harmed by it and I got a hot drink and adult conversation.

Aridane · 01/12/2019 09:36

YABVU

to refer to letting other people holding your baby as 'palming off'

Jenpop234 · 01/12/2019 09:36

YANBU. There's too much pressure from 'perfect mummies' who feel that they alone have to be the sole carer for their child. I never felt guilty about letting other people help out and my mum has babysat for us once a month since my son was 3 months old. I feel incredibly lucky to have friends and family who want to be part of his life.

Gillian1980 · 01/12/2019 09:37

Yanbu.

Dd wouldn’t ever be passed around at family events etc. She’d cry as soon as she was an inch away from me or DH.

Ds is 6 months and still happy to be passed about and enjoys cuddles from everyone. Though that may well change in next couple of months.

If the baby is happy then go for it!

Ragwort · 01/12/2019 09:38

Marlene that is quite an unusual point of view, most people I know love holding babies. I used to do some volunteering with the elderly when my DS was a baby & the old folks (sorry if that sounds agesist) loved having a cuddle with my baby, many said it was the highlight of their week as being in an old people's home they very rarely had any young visitors .

Moonmaker · 01/12/2019 09:40

Yabu to misuse the term 'palming off' for clickbait and to want validation for letting a happy baby be held by people who were happy to hold her.

Broken11Girl · 01/12/2019 09:42

YANBU. I don't get the mums on here who won't let anyone hold the baby, obviously if said baby isn't ok with it at that time cool, but many of these posts are about her anxiety, and sound as if she is being asked to hand the baby to a random drug addict, not their relative or friend. Enjoy the break OP.

fartingrainbows · 01/12/2019 09:42

Not at all, the novelty wears off when they're toddling so enjoy it while you can

BarrenFieldofFucks · 01/12/2019 09:42

You were there, you hadn't left them.

Depends on the baby. #3 here would have been happy as Larry with that. #1, no way Jose.

Eminybob · 01/12/2019 09:43

I went to a wedding with ds1 when he was 3 weeks old.
I actually lost him at one point, and found a complete stranger holding him. He was of course fine (and DH did know who had him)
I was glad of the break!

mynameiscalypso · 01/12/2019 09:46

For me, it totally depends on who is holding him. I'm totally fine with my family/friends doing this and welcome the chance to spend some time without DS (even though he always magically seems to reappear in my arms when he's done a poo). But I don't really like my in laws so I get irrationally annoyed when they're holding him and want him back...

Aragog · 01/12/2019 09:51

YANBU and in my experience it is perfectly normal to have others hold your baby for a while at family and friend gatherings. Never actually been in a situation where a parent hasn't done so.

'palming off' would be different - wouldn't that be more persuading reluctant people to care for our child whilst you disappeared off for ages, and not checking all was okay?

DarlingNikita · 01/12/2019 09:52

Of course YANBU. It does take a village. It's important for you to get a break and enjoy yourself; it makes you a happier and more relaxed parent, and that can only be good for your child.

stucknoue · 01/12/2019 09:53

Sounds perfect, never understand these "I don't want others holding my baby" threads. Enjoy every opportunity to eat and drink without holding a baby!

Pyjamaface · 01/12/2019 10:03

YANBU

The most memorable time was on a bus. We had to fold the pram so I carried DS on, all 4lbs of him, and all the women starting cooing over him, he was passed around at bus stops .
That was also the day I discovered that people give gold to babies in Scotland so we got off the bus £30 richer than we got on!

Catsandchardonnay · 01/12/2019 10:04

YADDDDNBU. You happy, baby happy, people holding baby happy. You’re not palming your baby off, you’re spreading happiness! And helping your baby to be more sociable. And exposing her to more experiences. And having a nice time yourself. I see zero wrong in this scenario, you sound like a great mum.

Catsandchardonnay · 01/12/2019 10:05

@Pyjamaface

Babyg1995 · 01/12/2019 10:10

That's not palming the baby off though

katmarie · 01/12/2019 10:14

@fartingrainbows Ain't that the truth! No one wants to snuggle my 22 month old DS. (except me, I love snuggling with him) Everyone wants to get their hands on the baby. I don't mind though, while people are cuddling the baby I can focus on DS.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 01/12/2019 10:15

What I would say is that DS hated being held by my DM - she was always very excitable and in your face - so a couple of times at family parties I ended up saying that no-one could hold him, rather than him be ok with everyone else then hysterical with my DM, which would have upset her. Bit of a minefield!

MarleneandBoycie · 01/12/2019 19:59

Why did the OP use the expression "palming off" then Tetraread and Ragwort? There is absolutely nothing wrong with other people holding your baby at all, but palming off implies she says hold my baby while I do xyz and then she just fucks off. (I know that is not what the OP is saying though, what she is really saying is look at what a cool mommy I am and how chill my bubba is, hun xxx)

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