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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my H over toothache?

72 replies

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 30/11/2019 18:41

So H has had toothache for over a week now. I have told him several times to call my dentist, register and make an emergency appointment. He hasn’t done so and is being miserable.

I get that toothache hurts and is not nice, but I have tried calling a few dentists and my own dentist and they said they would need H to call and register as obviously he’s over 18. He’s actually 52.

He’s been in a foul mood all week and has had three days off of work (unpaid)

AIBU to consider leaving him! Jean being really horrible. I took dd (13yr) Christmas shopping this morning and to get our eyebrows done after having been at work since 3am. I said I would be home around 1pm but due to traffic and food shopping on the way home. Didn’t actually get home until 2.15pm.

I’ve had passive aggressive comments all afternoon and he didn’t help get the shopping from the car or put it away like he normally would.

I’ve now got to take dd to the cinema and a sleepover and I’m considering going to my parents for the rest of the evening.

We are supposed to be going to London for the day tomorrow to see the window displays and lights and try and finish the Christmas shopping. I asked him if he still wanted to go and he shouted at me and said he didn’t have a choice. I said he did have a choice he could stay at home and get an emergency dental appointment, and if he’s in pain and might be moody he’s be better off not coming. I’m more than capable of catching the train with dd.

He hasn’t been left looking after young children or doing the chores. Dd is the youngest and ds (17yr) has been at work or college this week.

Am I being a complete cow?

OP posts:
Original poster
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 30/11/2019 18:41

JEAN translates to he is!

OP posts:
Fairylea · 30/11/2019 18:42

Nope he’s being an arse.

MsRomanoff · 30/11/2019 18:42

Are you talking about leaving him permanently?

He needs to get it sorted, but unless he is like this alot, leaving permanently seems an over reaction.

Original poster
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 30/11/2019 18:43

Kind of considering permanent as this isn’t a one off. He’s often moody and just makes the mood in the house unbearable and the teens treading on eggshells not to upset him.

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 30/11/2019 18:46

Does he have a fear of dentists? I ended up dragging dh to local out of hours emergency pain clinic then frogmarching him to the dentist in similar situation. He has an extreme fear of dentists due to incidents as a child.

MsRomanoff · 30/11/2019 18:54

Kind of considering permanent as this isn’t a one off. He’s often moody and just makes the mood in the house unbearable and the teens treading on eggshells not to upset him.

In that case YANBU. Get rid of him.

Flowers for you though!

Japanesejazz · 30/11/2019 19:00

I had an impacted wisdom tooth which developed an infected abscess, if someone had given me a gun I would have shot myself. So I know how shitty toothache makes you feel
I did get myself to the dentist ASAP though

Original poster
UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 30/11/2019 19:03

He doesn’t have a fear of the dentist. He has been a lot over the years. He had pretty dreadful teeth at one point due to growing up with parents who worked in a sweet factory and endless supplies of sweets and chocolates

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 30/11/2019 19:07

He's a twat.

supersop60 · 30/11/2019 19:10

I had an ex who had an abcess one time. We were out shopping and he started swearing and screaming in pain and even punched a hole in the wall.
I wouldn't blame you for leaving, OP; he sounds awful.

Spied · 30/11/2019 19:12

Any chance he's worried about the cost of treatment?
Think you would have mentioned by if this was the case so I agree really he's being awful and inconsiderate. Imagine if he's still like this at Christmas.
Tell him he goes to the dentist when you are out tomorrow or you will be taking DC and having Christmas elsewhere.

Butterflycookie · 30/11/2019 19:17

His pain is only going to get worse. Toothache is one of the worst pains you can get. If he doesn’t see a dentist now he might be in big trouble. I work for 111 and I have had grown men crying because of the pain. But the amount of people who are not registered with a dentist, can’t get an appointment or want to be seen at 9pm in the evening is ridiculous. Force him to see a dentist!

GruciusMalfoy · 30/11/2019 19:20

Toothache is awful, but he cannot take his temper out on everyone else, without actually doing something to help himself. He is being unreasonable.

OliveToboogie · 30/11/2019 19:21

Ridiculous situation tell him to man up and get to the dentist. He is behaving like a petulant teenager not a good look.

Sunshinegirl82 · 30/11/2019 19:24

You wouldn't be leaving him over a toothache OP you'd be leaving him because he's a dick. Your children shouldn't be walking on egg shells. Go to your parents, have a proper think about things. Good luck.

testingtesting111 · 30/11/2019 19:45

I'd go to your parents and go shopping without him tomorrow.

dottiedodah · 30/11/2019 19:48

Buy him some paramol if you can .Strongest pain relief without a prescription you can buy .Check with Chemist, as contains codeine and not to take anything else containing paracetamol .As far as his moodiness is concerned ,is he worried about anything ? He needs to sort himself out TBH .Go to Mum s and have a chat with her .Go shopping tomorrow and leave him to stew !

OldWomanSaysThis · 30/11/2019 19:54

Won't natural consequences win out in the end?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/11/2019 19:58

Oh god, people who don’t help themselves drive me nutty. How does he think it’s going to get better if he does nothing about it?!

If this is typical behaviour then time for a long hard think.

Enjoy London Smile I’m not going to make it this year so please leave him at home to wallow, go and have an amazing time and have a mulled wine for me!

Auradal · 30/11/2019 20:11

I was going to ask if he had a fear of dentists. For some people this is extreme and they do anything to avoid going. If he was in the grip of a terrible fear I could understand him getting into a state where the thoughts of having to have treatment are completely intrusive.
But then you said he doesn't have dental phobia.
Can you ask him why he won't phone and make an appointment? There must be some reason.

I suggest you just go for your day out with DD tomorrow and he stays at home. He's going to ruin the day for everyone.

PlumsGalore · 30/11/2019 20:13

Leave him to his bad temper, misery and tooth ache, he sounds a pain - no pun intended.

x2boys · 30/11/2019 20:17

Tooth ache is awful though ,it had two horrendous Labour's and rather that than toothache any day

Gingerkittykat · 30/11/2019 20:28

Go out without him tomorrow

Point out the impact of three unpaid days off work on your family finances.

Maybe offer him support by accompanying him to the dentist.

Don't let him make you miserable.

Roussette · 30/11/2019 20:46

My god. Leaving a DH because he's in dreadful pain? If you haven't suffered the worst of the worst toothache, you have no idea what it's like.

Yes, he needs to get help. If he doesn't he needs a strong talking to. But believe me toothache is the worst pain imaginable. I could've seriously banged my head 100 times against a concrete wall to stop the pain, it is HORRENDOUS.
Please be kind and talk him into help.

Span1elsRock · 30/11/2019 20:47

I'm completely phobic about the dentist, but when I needed a root canal last year I couldn't get there quickly enough.

He's being a martyr, and inflicting his misery on everyone he's supposed to love. To take time off work, but not see a dentist? I wouldn't blame you for walking out, tbh. It's not attractive behaviour.

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