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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my H over toothache?

72 replies

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 30/11/2019 18:41

So H has had toothache for over a week now. I have told him several times to call my dentist, register and make an emergency appointment. He hasn’t done so and is being miserable.

I get that toothache hurts and is not nice, but I have tried calling a few dentists and my own dentist and they said they would need H to call and register as obviously he’s over 18. He’s actually 52.

He’s been in a foul mood all week and has had three days off of work (unpaid)

AIBU to consider leaving him! Jean being really horrible. I took dd (13yr) Christmas shopping this morning and to get our eyebrows done after having been at work since 3am. I said I would be home around 1pm but due to traffic and food shopping on the way home. Didn’t actually get home until 2.15pm.

I’ve had passive aggressive comments all afternoon and he didn’t help get the shopping from the car or put it away like he normally would.

I’ve now got to take dd to the cinema and a sleepover and I’m considering going to my parents for the rest of the evening.

We are supposed to be going to London for the day tomorrow to see the window displays and lights and try and finish the Christmas shopping. I asked him if he still wanted to go and he shouted at me and said he didn’t have a choice. I said he did have a choice he could stay at home and get an emergency dental appointment, and if he’s in pain and might be moody he’s be better off not coming. I’m more than capable of catching the train with dd.

He hasn’t been left looking after young children or doing the chores. Dd is the youngest and ds (17yr) has been at work or college this week.

Am I being a complete cow?

OP posts:

Tvstar · 30/11/2019 23:24

I think he is afraid but is embarrassed to say. Toothache is horrendously painful and I wouldn't judge anyone for being an arse when suffering from. It.

TooManyPaws · 30/11/2019 23:36

I have atrocious teeth due to a congenital condition. I've had an abcess and a root canal in virtually every one. It's a pain that is like nothing else. So I just don't understand why he is CHOOSING it. I would get an antibiotic prescription from the dentist (it got to the stage when I could phone and say an abcess was just starting so I would pop in at lunchtime , quick look and, yup, here's your prescription) then go back a week or so later for the root canal. It's not rocket science.

So, ye, as a regular abcess sufferer, I think you are being reasonable. He isn't. Any grown man can get to the phone and speak to a dentist. If he refuses to help himself, then hell mend him.

And if he's making the family tread on eggshells all the time, he's a wanker and get rid for your children's sake.

Sushiroller · 01/12/2019 01:23

It's called servicing your body.
I learned to do it aged 12/13 he is 52.

Yanbu to leave him.

violetbunny · 01/12/2019 01:37

This is about so much more than a toothache...

Stillfunny · 01/12/2019 04:24

What an idiot.Why take 3 days off work and not get it seen to?Does he really think that it will get "better " if he doesn't treat it ? I too have a DH that wont go to the Drs but moans a lot. No sympathy from me .
He too , will be left alone soon.

BlackCatSleeping · 01/12/2019 04:45

Honestly, just go. This isn’t your problem to solve. It would be totally different if he was asking for your help but he isn’t and he doesn’t have the right to take his pain out on you or the kids.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 01/12/2019 04:52

YANBU
Sometimes it's the everyday shit that finally kills a relationship. Death by a 1000 cuts rather than a big dramatic event . Life is too short .LTB

Horehound · 01/12/2019 05:00

Emmm maybe he isn't in a bad mood because of the toothache!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 01/12/2019 05:34

What do you mean Horehound?

Roussette · 01/12/2019 07:37

PixiKitKat
the OP says she tried calling a dentist for him and they will only speak to him. She shouldn't need to book it for him anyway as he is an adult!

I agree, I said he needs to be forced to ring the dentist in whatever way suits the OP best. Shout at him, berate him... I was only saying I was nearly delirious through tooth pain and couldn't think straight, maybe he isn't either.

Toothache doesn't go away, it only gets worse, that's the problem. Lots of other things you get just slowly improve... like a head cold, or a small cut or a burn. But toothache... no... it's a bastard and just gets worse because you have to have it looked at. X rayed, treated, whatever. I imagine the OPs DH thinks it's just going to get better on its own. Tell him to get it sorted and you are there with the sympathy if he rings a dentist.

Goldenchildsmum · 01/12/2019 07:57

I don't think I could stand being with someone who didn't help himself and took his pain out on me

Horehound · 01/12/2019 13:17

@HeartsTrumpDiamonds

I mean maybe he's just a grumpy twat!

MountainDweller · 01/12/2019 13:39

He's behaving terribly but why won't the dentists let you make an appointment for him? I make medical appointments for DH all the time because it's hard for him to call in work hours. I don't mind at all, it's all part of the give and take of a marriage. He has been known to do the same for me!

Scarydinosaurs · 01/12/2019 13:45

He’s taking your medication? Those tablets are quite addictive. Are you concerned about that?

Countryescape · 01/12/2019 14:35

He’s behaving like a spoilt child! Tell him to buck up his ideas and stop being grumpy or he’s out

CustardySergeant · 01/12/2019 14:51

"He's behaving terribly but why won't the dentists let you make an appointment for him?"

Because he's not registered at any dental practice, so he will have to register as a patient before an appointment can be made.

Thehop · 01/12/2019 15:00

He sounds selfish and difficult. I wouldn’t want to live like this either.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 01/12/2019 15:11

@Horehound I agree!

CravingCheese · 01/12/2019 15:19

I would try calling the dentist and them simply passing him the phone, I guess.

Is he worries about this being something worse than just a tooth issue? Or is he worried about being told that he needs dentures or Idk...?

However: I couldn't stay with a permanently angry / mean spirited person.
So yes, YANBU if this is indeed a permanent state of just 'being'.

EKGEMS · 01/12/2019 16:58

He's most likely been told he'll need more than a cavity filling last time he was at the dentist or consider implants or dentures as he's so unreasonable

CravingCheese · 01/12/2019 17:00

He's most likely been told he'll need more than a cavity filling last time he was at the dentist or consider implants or dentures as he's so unreasonable

That was my thought as well. I understand why that would scare someone...

CharityConundrum · 02/12/2019 09:31

When I had toothache I fantasised about my dentist and every so often, when I managed to drift into unconsciousness, I dreamed that the surgery was open and I could call to get an appointment. I didn't strop about for three days making it everyone else's problem and I cannot imagine what kind of a mindset you would have to be in to choose that over the sweet relief of someone with a drill and a syringe full of anaesthetic! Has he given any inkling as to why he won't go? I just cannot fathom his thought process...

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