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AIBU?

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Original poster

Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

352 replies

youcanonlydraftthefuture · 30/11/2019 10:26

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean? Sad

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

OP posts:
ffswhatnext · 01/12/2019 21:51

I did make a huge blunder years ago. Completely forgot about it until now. I hadn't been there that long and was still trying to get to know people. Everyone was doing secret santa and being the newbie I joined in. Helped there was no lower limit.
Anyway. Day comes, gifts go out. Thankfully no-one knew who got who. I got a book for a staff member that was dyslexic. I didn't know, when I was asking general questions it never came up.

sendhalp · 01/12/2019 22:32

Reminds me of my first secret Santa when I was in about 9 years old. It was at school. I got given a nearly empty used roll of wrapping paper! I was so so upset!

sendhalp · 01/12/2019 22:35

Ps this year our team limit is £10. And we are doing dirty Santa- where it's like a lucky dip, but you can steal a present that's been opened or open one of the unopened ones. I've bought a cheap pretty cardboard box from card factory, and I'm going to fill it with £1 supermarket chocolates / sweets. No tat and I'm sure it will be one of the stolen ones! I know that people are planning on bringing super shitty ones so fingers crossed I can get my hands on my own gift! 😆

Shenanagins · 01/12/2019 23:09

We stopped doing it a few years ago and now we all bring in a gift for a child who wouldn’t otherwise receive one and pass it on to the relevant charity.

After years of secret Santa suddenly we are all really into the whole thing and spend more than we would have done otherwise.

fluffiny31 · 01/12/2019 23:09

My work pick a letter, with a 5 pound spend. Quite fun trying to find something different starting with a particular letter.

otterturk · 01/12/2019 23:27

@havaina please tell me too !

Mummyrowland · 01/12/2019 23:40

Last year I got a willy that grows in water. That was it nothing else. Even the girls in the office were shocked! I was quite upset!

Mummyrowland · 01/12/2019 23:40

I had bought a lovely wine bottle opening set in a funky wine bottle shaped holder for comparison

PinkPanther27 · 01/12/2019 23:52

Twice I've done this and not got a present from the person who picked my name out and once at a different workplace my present was some half used toiletries from someone's bathroom - they'd obviously forgotten and grabbed them on the way out. Hmm I hate secret santas.

LaLoba · 02/12/2019 02:13

Exchanging Christmas presents at the start of December? Where do you work OP, your Christmas holidays sound generous.

And by your costings, you did not purchase a “fancy” bubble bath. I would rather have a poundland mug and chocolate than cheapo bath stuff I hadn’t chosen.

Livingoncake · 02/12/2019 02:28

I’m amazed that anyone expects to get a nice gift out of a Secret Santa. If ever there’s a time to keep your expectations low, Secret Santa would be it.

My colleagues and I don’t do it, we just go out for drinks and enjoy each other’s company before going on Christmas break. No disappointment, no pointless tat going to landfill. I do give each person a card, but don’t care if people don’t reciprocate.

I think Secret Santa could work really well for large friend groups or families (and in those cases, could actually reduce waste), but among colleagues who barely know each other, I just don’t see the point.

slinkysaluki · 02/12/2019 03:21

Care of Punts i love you 👍

chickenfriedtwice · 02/12/2019 07:42

And by your costings, you did not purchase a “fancy” bubble bath. I would rather have a poundland mug and chocolate than cheapo bath stuff I hadn’t chosen.

But the receiver would've chosen it herself because the OP knows she likes it as she told her Confused

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 02/12/2019 07:50

lovely wine bottle opening set in a funky wine bottle shaped holder

This is why expectations of secret Santa should be low!

You thought the wine bottle opening set was lovely, but the recipient may not. To me it would be utterly pointless. I don't need or want one... I just use the corkscrew I already own.

bonitabowbows · 02/12/2019 08:00

No it is annoying specially if you are someone who just can’t give rubbish gifts like me ,and with £15 you can give a half decent present , if that’s the case where you are I would suggest not setting a limit n just say a simple gesture it can be as small and cheap as they want then .

Feelingpants317 · 02/12/2019 09:34

Ungrateful !!!

Cornettoninja · 02/12/2019 09:59

So what I’ve took away from this thread is that you’re more likely to be buying someone something they don’t want (even if it’s carefully chosen and using the maximum budget) than a present that is actually appreciated. The example of expensive soap up thread - I mean it’s lovely and all but if I received that it would be a massive waste (L’occitaine sp?) means nothing to me and I don’t use bars of soap.

I think SS has its place when there’s a large group of you who would be buying individual presents otherwise but most people wouldn’t be giving presents to their work colleagues anyway would they?

I really like the idea of everyone donating a present to one of the drives that usually happens around Christmas or maybe even collecting unwanted gifts in January to donate (food banks take toiletries don’t they?). I think that’s far more in the spirit of a secret Santa if people really want to do something, than adults swapping fripperies that they neither want or need.

WatchingTheMoon · 02/12/2019 10:43

"someone who just can’t give rubbish gifts like me"

To you they might not be rubbish but my mother would probably say the same thing about herself and yet she buys me endless stuff I don't want, year on year.

You give gifts out of kindness, not to try to get something of equal value (whether that value is about time, money or effort) back.

VanGoghsDog · 02/12/2019 10:53

I had bought a lovely wine bottle opening set in a funky wine bottle shaped holder for comparison

Aka - tat. I have two corkscrews, so that would be going directly to the charity shop.

Every year my sister buys me a bathbomb. I have one bath a year, to use the bathbomb. Every year I ask for soap as I use soap in the shower, but no, she likes baths so she gets me a bath bomb.
I know she likes baths, so I buy her bath stuff (obviously not every year, though I do get a bath bomb every year).
I don't even have a full sized bath, whereas she has an enormous bathroom, big bath and views across the Dorset countryside from the bath. I can see why she likes it. With mine you have to keep your knees bent and I have a view of the end wall.

If it's this bad with people who are supposed to know you it can only be worse with people who don't.

Cosmos45 · 02/12/2019 11:12

I once did a secret santa with a group of friends, there were about 10 of us. We agreed to spend £30 I think. Most got lovely candles, or nice piece of pottery, jewellery etc. It was classy and elegant gifts rather than tat as we were all good friends. I think I bought a Jo Malone Candle which was above the budget but knew the recipient would love it. My gift was 3 pairs of crotchless knickers in a size 6 (I was a about a size 12 then). They were from Ann Summers I think and were 3 pairs for £10. I know the lady who bought them, she obviously thought it hilarious but in reality was a total waste of money (they went straight in the bin). I've never done it since. I would have preferred to spend the money on myself or given to charity to be honest.

ReanimatedSGB · 02/12/2019 11:16

I think some people do it with families when they have quite large families of mostly adults (eg you are one of three children and your partner is one of four children) ie they buy gifts for the actual DC in the family and do a secret santa for the adults so as to keep the costs down. Which seems quite reasonable, but any minute now I expect there will be someone whining that their CF SIL always buys pound shop chocolates or they are the one no one buys a gift for...

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 02/12/2019 11:20

I stopped joining in years ago and treat myself Smile

dontalltalkatonce · 02/12/2019 11:29

My gift was 3 pairs of crotchless knickers in a size 6 (I was a about a size 12 then). They were from Ann Summers I think and were 3 pairs for £10. I know the lady who bought them, she obviously thought it hilarious but in reality was a total waste of money (they went straight in the bin).

Yeah, some people think it's really funny to give someone total shit or inappropriate shit. I'd have dumped them in the bin right in front of her and told her she's about as funny as a termite mound, or handed them back, 'You grabbed your husband's gift to you by mistake! Don't feel embarrassed, we all knew you were into vanilla kink.'

FishCanFly · 02/12/2019 11:31

I do Poundland gifts. Seriously. I used to be more thoughtful and caring. But when you have more than a dozen of people to give gifts for, it gets expensive time consuming and not always appreciated. So a tin of biscuits and a shower gel it is. Maybe some bath fizzers if you're female.

WatchingTheMoon · 02/12/2019 12:33

"a funky wine bottle shaped holder"

tbf, I can't imagine anything I am less likely to use. I don't drink and even if I did, that would be going straight to the charity shop.

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