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AIBU?

To not have to tend to the pets on an evening?

66 replies

MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:18

I do it daily. Every day. DD aged 9 wanted a pet, and we got a bonded pair of rescue rodents.

She can't be arsed and clearly the novelty has worn off. Yes I should do something about that. But as an adult I accept responsibility for the pets.

But to tell DP to do it so I could get on with shower /wash hair etc and to be told no, he never signed up for this (having a pet), the only circumstances where he would do it is if I was ill, and that DD should do it.

I said so I can't ask for help with the pets? No he said, he doesn't get help when he cuts the grass for example, or when he fed the wild birds throughout the winter.

Aibu for thinking fuck him!

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MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:56

I could never get them rehomed, I'd be gutted. I love them!

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MrsFoxPlus4Again · 29/11/2019 23:59

I can’t imagine what situation knowing you have 2 hamsters or 2 rabbits or whatever will be outing

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LittleMsM · 29/11/2019 23:59

And this is why we have garden snails as pets....

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campion · 29/11/2019 23:59

I think the Op is feeling unsupported/fed up
BalanchineBallet this evening at least.
I guess her Dp saying no to her when she asked for help was the tipping point.
It's easy to solve other people's problems. Less easy when it's your own.
I'm not sure she even wants advice - just a bit of understanding.

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QueenOfCatan · 29/11/2019 23:59

I'm guessing that you have rats. Switch to a substrate, rat rations sell them in bulk and they only need changing once a week if not less if the cage is a decent size.

We have ours on fleece and she's needing to be changed every other day, we had 3 cages with fleece once upon a time and I cannot remember it being quite so tedious!

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Teadrinka · 30/11/2019 00:00

Hello MrNobody.
Rats are highly intelligent animals & need more stimulation than just seeing to their basic needs-food, water, hygiene etc. Think of them as needing the kind of interaction that you would give to an intelligent and energetic dog such as a Border Collie. Every day they need several hours of exercise, playtime and, (if you want them to be tame and biddable) they need to be handled as much as possible. They can be litter trained, trained to come when they're called & love to be taught tricks. DD could be encouraged to interact with her pets by building mazes for them to run. Lego is brilliant, but you can use cardboard or build them out of ply or similar. Please be careful with heavy books as they can fall & crush a rat. Rats can be taught to push buttons to ring bells & get food. Maybe this is something that might interest DH & get him involved in the pet care. Building rat runs may appeal as 'men's' work involving tools etc. DD could help him which will teach her some practical skills.
If your daughter has lost interest and you don't have the time, it may be best to give them back to the RSPCA to be rehomed to someone who can give the rats the attention that they need.
On the bright side you'll be able to remind DD of this experience to say 'no' to requests for being given responsibility for years to come..... I'm thinking mobile phones, going 'shopping' (eg: hanging around town) on a Saturday morning...etc etc
However...
I suspect that this isn't really an argument about looking after the pets. Your DH's comment about the grass & birds speaks volumes. It indicates to me that he has very definite ideas about 'men's jobs' and 'women's jobs'. Pets are domestic work - therefore 'women's' work. Mowing the grass etc is outside work - traditionally 'men's' work.
Are you feeling fed up & unsupported by DH generally? I wonder if he feels the same? His comments about the grass & bird feeders have a whiff of resentment. Just a thought - did he have a dream of the whole family getting involved in feeding the wild birds & was disappointed that it didn't work?
I wonder what you're saying about yourself by using the name 'MrNobody'?
Take care my lovely X

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Bluerussian · 30/11/2019 00:02

You could have a shower and see to the pets before or after surely? They aren't that difficult to look after.

I wish you could encourage your daughter to do more for them.

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viques · 30/11/2019 00:03

i'm not saying what type of rodent in case of outing

By the MN laws of fear of outing probability I am guessing cycling rats. So cute on their little bikes with their snug lycra jerseys and padded shorts........

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GoldishLeafs · 30/11/2019 00:03

Get rid of the pets ASAP (I just mean give away don't put them down!!)

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scoobydoo1971 · 30/11/2019 00:03

I appreciate you love the pets, but you have got to step up as a parent. My 8 year old daughter helps me with our cats and dog, as does her 11 year old brother. They have always understood animal ethics and the importance of cleaning and feeding for their pets well-being. Your daughter is being lazy because she knows you will help out. You do yourself and her no favours in terms of life management. She is old enough to appreciate animal welfare. You should explain that if she neglects them, you will 'neglect' her...treats, pocket money, favours...whatever applies. I would punish my kids for not looking after the pets as they are part of the family, and we all love them. I know it sets up good values for their adult lives if they have to care for a creature at this age. Makes them less selfish too.

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QueenOfCatan · 30/11/2019 00:03

Ours is on fleece purely because we are down to one having lost her sisters in the past 8 weeks and she'll likely go soon, so we didn't want to buy a huge load of substrate only to have to bin it or try flog it on Facebook. If it's rats then the shredded cardboard or paper pellets are great, paper pellets are best but more expensive.

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Toottootcar · 30/11/2019 00:03

He should have helped you.
BUT I can't think of a small rodent type animal that needs cleaned out every single day. My GPS need some ongoing maintenance, restocking bowls etc but they do not get fully cleaned out more than twice a week.
Vet bed seems to last longer than fleece - and using puppy pads under hay has been a revelation.

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Tvstar · 30/11/2019 00:05

does naff all. She can't even put her jacket and shoes away.

All kids would be like this . Your job as a parent is to train them otherwise!

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steff13 · 30/11/2019 00:05

Prairie dogs? Degus?

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MrNobody · 30/11/2019 00:09

I can't stand the thought of them having poops in their cage for longer than a day. They have a pocket at one end of the liner they burrow and sleep in. I like to think they are going to bed at night with a poop free pocket.

Their poops are pretty inoffensive.

But come to think of it, I deal with all things shite in the house.

I see what you are saying teadrinka.

It's Guinea pigs.

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LagunaBubbles · 30/11/2019 00:13

She does naff all. She can't even put her jacket and shoes away

And yet you thought she would be responsible for live animals?

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LEELULUMPKIN · 30/11/2019 00:13

Help feeding the wild birds in winter? What? How fucking hard is it to put a fat ball out?!

Jesus!

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LagunaBubbles · 30/11/2019 00:14

I'm really puzzled why you thought revealing they are Guinea pigs was outing!

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MrNobody · 30/11/2019 00:14

Well no, I did say earlier that I didn't expect her to take full responsibility.

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Peggyflo · 30/11/2019 00:16

If he point blank refuses to help with the pets can you not switch out another of your chores and get him to do that instead that way you still free up some of your time?

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Wildorchidz · 30/11/2019 00:17

Does she take any responsibility?

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BrendasUmbrella · 30/11/2019 00:17

You love them. So just have them as your pets and schedule in time for their care. And next time your DD/DH thinks a new pet will be a good idea, ask them when they last took any care of the guinea pigs.

Would it cut down on maintenance to move them into the house over winter and just use newspaper for liners?

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Isithometimeyet0987 · 30/11/2019 00:18

Nope if I said no to the pet I wouldn’t be helping at all. I do not like animals at all (apart from hamsters! Their so cute!) and have no desire to clean out a dirty cage. Tbh your dd is 9 tell her she has to do it your the parent.

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MrNobody · 30/11/2019 00:18

Well if you do it properly, you're supposed to clean the bird feeder before refilling as advised by the RSPB. We had peanuts /Niger seed /and sunflower hearts/ and mixed seed in 4 feeders as well as on trays etc. Once you start feeding you should really keep it up.

We haven't this year because we have a pigeon problem and don't want to encourage them due to shite everywhere outside and getting trailed through house.

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MrNobody · 30/11/2019 00:24

We probably do need to talk about expectations as mine weren't met today. (but I just asked for help once ffs!)

But yeh maybe he's full of resentment over stuff of which he's not asked help for.

It's like I can see I have high standards when it comes to cage maintenance and pig care, but when you have a pet you shouldn't really have it any other way in my mind.

He has a garden rammed full of stuff that needs care. That was his choice. I'd have it simpler.

So yeh don't really know what I'm trying to say. We have both taken on stuff the other feels like they could do with more support probably.

And a lazy DD that needs sorted.

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