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To not have to tend to the pets on an evening?

66 replies

MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:18

I do it daily. Every day. DD aged 9 wanted a pet, and we got a bonded pair of rescue rodents.

She can't be arsed and clearly the novelty has worn off. Yes I should do something about that. But as an adult I accept responsibility for the pets.

But to tell DP to do it so I could get on with shower /wash hair etc and to be told no, he never signed up for this (having a pet), the only circumstances where he would do it is if I was ill, and that DD should do it.

I said so I can't ask for help with the pets? No he said, he doesn't get help when he cuts the grass for example, or when he fed the wild birds throughout the winter.

Aibu for thinking fuck him!

OP posts:
JumpyLiz · 29/11/2019 23:20

Well I have no idea about your grass, but if he said no to the pets and you said yes, then I'd agree with him tbh.

MajesticWhine · 29/11/2019 23:21

It depends. If it was your decision and he was never really up for it, and you were then YABU. If he was in agreement at the time, then YANBU.

GothMummy · 29/11/2019 23:22

I hope that at least someone is looking after the pets! (Guinea pigs?)

steff13 · 29/11/2019 23:27

If he didn't want a pet, it should have been a "no." Pets and babies are responsibilities everyone has to agree to beforehand, IMO. So if he didn't want the pets and said so, I don't fault him for not wanting to care for them. He's also right that your daughter should be doing it, if it was meant to be her responsibility.

MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:28

When we were researching the pets and how to look after them he was involved. He takes an interest in them but wants nothing to do with the daily maintenance.

I just wanted to get a sodding shower. Everyone else had got washed (dp and 2dcs). I still had my chores to work through and hadn't showered. Wtf couldn't I get help?

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steff13 · 29/11/2019 23:30

WTF isn't your daughter doing it?

Poissonpoison · 29/11/2019 23:32

So walk away and have a shower.

Alsohuman · 29/11/2019 23:35

Make your daughter do it, you’re the parent, you call the shots.

AwdBovril · 29/11/2019 23:35

Tell your DD that if she can't be bothered with them, they will have to go back to the rescue / be put down. And potentially her pocket money will be docked to cover (part of) the cost - I have no idea how much a vet visit would cost. They are her pets, her responsibility. She doesn't get to duck out of it now that the novelty has worn off.

MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:36

She does naff all. She can't even put her jacket and shoes away.

I repeat myself over and over.

The have fleece liners in their cage which requires washing in a washing machine.

I took control early on and I know that's not helped. She does not want to scoop their poop.

I had these pets as a kid and was left to it. Looking back I didn't even look after them properly. 9 year olds can't go buy a pet so can't be fully expected to care for them 100%.

OP posts:
AliceLittle · 29/11/2019 23:36

So get your dd to do it.

AwdBovril · 29/11/2019 23:37

wtf couldn't I get help? - because you let them dictate the rules?

campion · 29/11/2019 23:40

So he didn't actually say no to pets? If he thinks DD should do it (which she should) then how about he makes her,rather than telling you that she should. Presumably she's his DD too.

And yes,he should give you more support.
Oh,and make these your last pets. We didn't have them as I knew the novelty would wear off and I like animals too much to allow them to be neglected. Too many pets live miserable lives imo.

ThreeFish · 29/11/2019 23:40

I’d bet your DD promised to look after the pets when it was being reasearched as a family. So your DH is not wrong to say it’s her responsibility. He probably wouldn’t see them harmed, but DD and now you do that.
Why don’t you make DD look after them while you have a shower?

Costacoffeeplease · 29/11/2019 23:41

There’s so much that’s wrong here I don’t know where to start

Re home the pets and never get any more living, breathing, sentient animals

AwkwardFucker · 29/11/2019 23:42

If your DH didn’t want them, then I agree with him.

You need to get tougher with your DD though. Her pets, she wanted them, she cares for them. Or they are rehomed.

ToDoListAddict · 29/11/2019 23:43

You should never get pets to teach a child responsibility. The care ultimately falls to the adults. However your DH is BU as it's not just your job to look after them. When you spoke to the rescue you must have reassured them that you would work together to ensure their wellbeing.

BalanchineBallet · 29/11/2019 23:44

You’re looking for help in the wrong place. Go to your DD, preferably with DH support, and make her do it.

My six year old knows damn well she has to help with her ponies and dogs. Your 9 year old can manage some rodents.

MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:45

He didn't say no to these, but did a dog for example, when we were exploring options.

They are not neglected in the slightest. Their wee personalities have blossomed these past few months and we've gained their trust. They display happy behaviours.

I'm not keen on saying what kind of rodent they are for in case of outing.

Don't really feel like I can ask anyone for advice in real life.

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sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/11/2019 23:45

How long does it take to tend them in the evening that you cant have a shower?

BalanchineBallet · 29/11/2019 23:47

What advice do you want? Clearly you know how to care for the animals and sound to be doing a good job, so do you mean parenting advice? To get DD to follow her commitment?

What rules do you put in for other chores or homework for example ?

MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:51

About 45 minutes, part of the time I'm interacting with them /observing. They are kept indoors.

Longer when it comes to changing liners. So it's like doing a load of washing, shaking off debris outside, washing, shaking some more, leaving to dry. I can always get my shower after but wanted to get to my bed earlier. I'm up last finishing jobs off.

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PenelopeFlintstone · 29/11/2019 23:51

Does the fleece liner have to be washed a lot? Not once a week? I have no idea about these things but am just wondering whether it could be a weekend job for her
When you said they’re blossoming, I got the feeling that you quite like them. If not, just rehome them.
If you do, find a bribe/lever to get DD to do it sometimes. Maybe pay her $20 to do it twice or three times, if that’s enough. So she gets past the idea of poo on her hands. Maybe give her rubber gloves. Basically so the money outweighs the psychological block. I’ve done this with my kids and it worked a treat for getting mice out of mousetraps 🤢

MrNobody · 29/11/2019 23:54

I dunno, guess I expected I'd get help from dp and was shocked I didn't.

I realise I need to get DD to pull her finger out. But how? As soon as you're not watching and standing over she does anything but do as I asked.

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o0 · 29/11/2019 23:55

My DS was 10 when we got 2 guinea pigs. And yes the novelty wore off pretty quickly. But did I hell let him just walk away from the responsibility.

Him not cleaning them out would mean no computer time at all or other punishment. I am very definite and very quick to punish if they aren't looked after well. Neglecting a pet should be met with massive consequences. And ignoring them hoping someone else will take care of them is neglect. Being 9 means you DD needs reminded and helped, not having it all done for her.

My DH loves them now but has been clear from day 1 that they arent his and he wont clean poop etc. Fair enough and I dont expect it from him. Obviously he wouldnt see them harmed so in an emergency would help.

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