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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH’s friend accused me of having an affair

76 replies

delineateddelinquent · 29/11/2019 22:47

I’ll keep this brief.

My DH was on a night out several months ago with his mates and one of them said he was sure I was having an affair.

My DH works away a lot and the friend had seen me out on a night out with my friends and we happened to be speaking with a few lads we’d gone to school with (I am late thirties With two kids and a full time job and rarely get a night out!)

Anyway, seeing this encounter he told my husband he was certain I was having an affair and that I was blind drunk and all over these men.

My DH didn’t say anything to him but he knew he was lying because on that night out I’d been recovering from tonsilitis and was still on medication so had taken the car and had a Diet Coke.

My DH only told me this tonight - I had mentioned said friend and DH told me what he’d said about me. I’m a bit taken aback as this is a serious allegation that could have had an effect on my marriage.

My Aibu isn’t really an aibu, it’s more a wwyd? Do I contact him and give him hell? I know his wife pretty well and I honestly feel like picking up the phone and giving her hell too Angry

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 29/11/2019 22:50

I don’t see what it has to do with his wife. But I would definitely give the bloke hell.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2019 22:51

I'd definitely call the bloke out on it.

How is his wife involved because you haven't said that bit?

Original poster
delineateddelinquent · 29/11/2019 22:52

She isn’t @WorraLiberty I’m just so bloody furious at that accusation being levelled at me that I feel like giving them both hell.

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Longdistance · 29/11/2019 22:54

Wrap up a wooden spoon for your dhs friend and give it to him for Christmas to do some shit stirring 💩 because that’s exactly what he’s doing.

CalmFizz · 29/11/2019 22:54

If that’s how you want to respond then it sounds like your friendship group are into gossip and being meddlers/mud slinging.

LemonSqueezy0 · 29/11/2019 22:55

Why on earth would you give HER hell too?!
That seems quite unnecessary and you lose any moral high ground you may have had..

Bluntness100 · 29/11/2019 22:56

I don't understand why your husband said nothing, and why you want to have a go at the wife.

Why's the bloke getting away with it?

I'd be more pissed off my husband didn't defend me. Why didn't he?

Squirrelplay · 29/11/2019 22:58

You all sound like drama llamas. Let it go and don't be friends with that strange guy any more.

Ayemama · 29/11/2019 22:58

Wouldn't it be more satisfactory to call his wife 'in fits of tears' and tell her what a shit hes been and get him into shit with his own wife?
Not a totally serious suggestion but it would be satisfying to get him into shit.

Ponoka7 · 29/11/2019 22:59

Why didn't your DH have a go at him?

But I agree that it's nothing to do with her and she should be kept out of it.

Why has your DH brought it up noe? Last time I came across a situation like this, the person made out to be a liar had actually seen the other person upto something and the guilty party needed to discredit them.

WorraLiberty · 29/11/2019 23:00

Leave his wife out of it. They are two separate people.

What did your DH say to him?

I take it they're not longer friends?

TowelNumber42 · 29/11/2019 23:00

Give no fuel to the fire. What does DH recommend doing?

gamerchick · 29/11/2019 23:00

Well I wouldn't be ringing anyone up but I would be pulling him in my husband presence... In person.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 29/11/2019 23:00

Don't give his wife hell; what has she done to deserve it? It doesn't sound like she's got anything to do with this. It's bizarre to drag her into it, what good do you think will come of it?

It's weird that your DH told you now, but not at the time. Did he defend you? What was his motivation for keeping quiet then but telling you now?

calmama · 29/11/2019 23:00

What an idiot. Why didn’t your husband tell him his claims were unfounded given you were in medication for your tonsils etc? Has the guy shown he doesn’t like you before? Don’t take it out on his wife though. Poor woman likely has her own cross to bear with him. Some men don’t like “their women” going out and enjoying life away from them and imagine all kinds of nonsense.

JumpyLiz · 29/11/2019 23:02

Why on Earth didn't your husband say something??

And what possible reason would you have for having a go at the blokes wife??

CheshireChat · 29/11/2019 23:02

How come your DP didn't say anything? Just taken aback?

I would expect DP to stay away from lying friend, though.

calmama · 29/11/2019 23:06

Agree though that he needs to be called out on it and asked for an explanation. Big time!

Original poster
delineateddelinquent · 29/11/2019 23:06

I asked DH tonight what he’d said to him and he told me he’d just laughed and said “oh yeah, I’m sure she is.” Obviously sarcastically.

He said he just laughed at how pathetic the guy was. And no he hasn’t seen him since.

And I’ll be very honest, I am far from a “drama llama” as is my DH. Only on mumsnet would you get called a drama llama for being annoyed at being accused of having an affair.

My DH never said anything to me and i happened to bring up this guy’s name tonight. He told me in an almost “Christ you will never believe what he said to me...”

I think he thought since time had passed that I wouldn’t be bloody livid.

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Original poster
delineateddelinquent · 29/11/2019 23:08

Ffs, I’m not going to have a go at her but I will mention it in front of her the next time I see them together. I’d be ashamed of my DH if he meddled and peddled lies that could ruin someone’s marriage.

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WorraLiberty · 29/11/2019 23:09

And I’ll be very honest, I am far from a “drama llama” as is my DH. Only on mumsnet would you get called a drama llama for being annoyed at being accused of having an affair.

You're being called a drama llama for wanting to drag someone else into it who wasn't even there.

calmama · 29/11/2019 23:09

Why isn’t your husband livid?!

I don’t think you’re being a drama llama. I’ve had people make up truly ridiculous stories about me before too and I wish I had had the opportunity to take them to task about it. Sounds like the guy is the drama llama. Some people just love stirring shit. Does he strike you as a misogynist in general?

JumpyLiz · 29/11/2019 23:11

So are you going to 'mention it in front of her' or phone her and 'give her hell'

You can see where the drama llama thing comes in surely Grin

Goldenchildsmum · 29/11/2019 23:12

I think your husband handled it perfectly and I assume he forgot to mention it to you because he knew it was bollox.

I'd certainly call the gossipy bloke out. I'd Tell him what I thought of his stirring. It wouldn't hurt for his wife to know what a dick she's married to - but I wouldn't deliberately try to drag her into it all

Original poster
delineateddelinquent · 29/11/2019 23:14

@WorraLiberty okay. If that makes me a drama llama then I’ll take it Wink but if my DH had made up lies to disrupt someone else’s marriage (a friend’s no less Confused) then I’d be interested to know why and wtf he was thinking.

He’s the laid back type in general so I think he was just a bit perplexed and bemused by this guy. I on the other hand am not.

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