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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secret Santa CF

143 replies

Saltdoughmuncher · 29/11/2019 19:53

Our budget for the office SS is £10. Some people have put a wish list up on the office wall (grabby enough I think) but the person I am buying for has put 3 suggestions of quite specific things, all of which are priced at £15-£20!

AIBU to ignore her request list and just guess at something else to buy that is within budget?

OP posts:
wintersweet1977 · 30/11/2019 00:36

I would deliberately buy them a charitable gift, like a few chickens for families in Africa, school supplies for a country where education isn't free etc. I'd do it to make a point, if they're asking for something above budget then they are being unreasonable.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/11/2019 01:57

I think one of the purposes of Secret Santa is to ensure that people who might be isolated and unlikely to get much in the way of Christmas gifts, do actually have a gift to open. (Yeah yeah, some people don't celebrate or care about Christmas) Mostly the people who arrange the work one have good intentions. I think how well it works depends on things like size of team and how well people know each other (and whether or not you have CFs or lazy sods).
But there is something appealing about a 'mystery' gift. I always get excited about event goody bags, even though I know perfectly well that they are mainly going to consist of cheap sweets, condoms, lube and maybe a biro. (Mind you, that's your ideal Secret Santa gift pack right there...)

iswhois · 30/11/2019 02:06

I hate secret Santa, every time I have been involved arguments have ensued, people:

Secretly swap who they have to get someone more desirable

Try to guess who has got who (thus rendering the "game" (just lost the game again sorry!) pointless

Go over or under board. One year with a £15 limit I meticulously bought beautiful on sale pyjamas from M&S. my gift was an old biscuit tin with a pack of condoms in it- I am married and ttc, and someone bought their object of desire very expensive paintball tickets for a team of 12. Was mayhem when drinks were flowing at the Xmas drinks.

Just fuck it all off and buy yourself a bottle of wine.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/11/2019 07:12

It would/could be fun...

If everyone attended /bought.... Yes I'm looking at you.. Old colleague that boasted mid June he always took secret santa day off... As he received a gift when he returned without having to buy one (he was not bothered his giftee received nada...).... Idiot!

People made at least some effort... I think fun presents are ok but only if the giftee thinks so!

EleanorShellstrop100 · 30/11/2019 09:27

I don’t think a wishlist is grabby, I think it’s a great idea! I hate secret Santa and refuse to take part purely because nowhere I’ve ever done it has ever put a wishlist up and I feel awkward and irritated wasting my money on something someone will probably hate... I’m crap at buying presents and find it stressful and horrid. I’d definitely take part in a secret Santa if wishlists were a standard part of it! I’d happily spend money buying someone something I knew they wanted. I think you’re maybe being a bit pedantic thinking she’s a CF for asking for something that’s an extra fiver more to be honest. It’s only £5. And you don’t HAVE to buy it!

Inebriati · 30/11/2019 09:40

''its only £5 over''.
Its a third over the spending limit. She's a CF.

Cloudyyy · 30/11/2019 10:21

It’s not a third over the spending limit - it’s 50% extra!

DuckWillow · 30/11/2019 10:29

I've only ever take part in a SS once and budget was £5

To make it easier everyone was told to write down suggestions which I prefer as you have a rough idea what to buy.

For £5 the suggestions were

Socks
Wine
Gloves
Chocolate etc.

No cheeky requests at all.

I always like a pair of socks and that was my suggestion.

But yes a donation to charity sounds better.

MirkwoodMiss · 30/11/2019 13:33

Wow! YANBU...
Why not shove the tenner in an envelope let her buy her own damn gift. Angry

EL8888 · 30/11/2019 13:35

Ignore ignore ignore. It’s not in the spirit of secret Santa and they sound like a CF

StripyHorse · 30/11/2019 13:47

It is handy to have some information. A couple of years ago in a new place I joined in secret santa, £10 budget and got a nice gift for the recipient - but 1 item. At present opening time I found out the done thing was to buy / make lots of silly /creative presents appropriate to the recipient with little rhymes. I felt terrible - but no one had thought to tell me!

dontalltalkatonce · 30/11/2019 13:55

I think you’re maybe being a bit pedantic thinking she’s a CF for asking for something that’s an extra fiver more to be honest. It’s only £5.

It's 50% over budget! Lots of people don't have extra fivers to throw away on CFers. I'd rather give any extra fivers I have to my kids or charity than some pisstaking colleague who ignores the rules of 10 quid limit.

A lot of the reason these SS's in workplaces are shit is shit organisation/lack of rules and kicking out people who accept a gift but don't give one.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 30/11/2019 13:58

I took part in a recent gift exchange. As part of it you had to answer a short questionnaire about yourself.. I think it was eg favourite colour / favourite smell / any specific likes, dislikes, allergies etc. So you had a chance to buy something the giftee should enjoy, but no one was writing cheeky wish lists either. That worked really well, but maybe that was partly because everyone really entered into the spirit.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/11/2019 17:13

I was gifted a set of silicon teabag holders

Teabag holders?

WTF are teabag holders?

ScreamingValenta · 30/11/2019 17:16

I remember a bloke at work getting a 'World's Greatest Golfer' mug and some golf tees. He'd never played golf in his life.

Inebriati · 30/11/2019 17:32

SchadenfreudePersonified Teabag holders are a doodad that you put your teabag or tea leaves in, and they hang on the edge of your mug. Without one you might accidentally swallow the teabag probably.

nuxe1984 · 30/11/2019 17:51

Ignore list or but something similar but cheaper.

GuidoTheKillerPimp · 30/11/2019 18:01

Ex colleague once gave me a bollocking cos she she’d spent hours choosing and wrapping a gift for her recipient, and she was “devastated” to open a box of celebrations on Christmas morning 🙄

The budget was a fiver, and she wasn’t my recipient: I’d simply made a random suggestion when her buyer hadn’t known what to buy. Feckin’ lunatic.

NothingHasBrokenMeYet · 30/11/2019 18:06

CF indeed.

I do, however, think wishlist are a good idea. I run a swap box group on facebook (basically SS all year round 😍) and we encourage members to use wish lists as a guide. So, for example, if someone has a lot of purple things on their list, and nail polish (just a random item) purple nail polish would be ideal for them.

Tas1984 · 30/11/2019 18:15

Oh I’ve had that before. I simply hand wrote on it “none of those are in the budget so no!” Got a few laughs anyway even if they didn’t know it was me lol

ysmaem · 30/11/2019 18:42

Ignore the request. Buy something similar maybe?

Starwind74 · 30/11/2019 19:21

What is wrong with Baylis and Harding gift sets, I got one in a secret santa a few years back and was very pleased with it.
As to what the OP should do, haven’t read the full thread but could you buy them a cheaper version of what they have asked for?

chipsandpeas · 30/11/2019 19:29

we do a likes and dislikes list but not everyone fills it in but we know each other enough to not get anything shit

Celestine70 · 30/11/2019 20:21

I would but socks 😂

dungtwicebother · 30/11/2019 20:24

Give £10 to a charity of YOUR choice and print it out and give it to her in an envelope!
Winner - haven't read the whole thread sorry!