To think my family are selfish and all for themselves?

[passthetea]

A local food bank that I follow on fb are having a drop off week next week and aswell as asking for food donations they are asking for new toy donations of approximately £10 for local children that won't be getting presents this year. So I started getting some toys in and popped the picture of the ad on the family whatsapp group, the only person to not ignore it was my 17 year old daughter. I left it and the next day I saw my mum and mentioned it to her and got zero response before she changed the conversation. I don't get my family they could quite easily spare £10 for a gift but instead won't. In the summer my cousins dh was doing a run in aid of his son my mum was soon to ask us all if we'd like to add to the family donation and was sure to remind us all when it was time to send the money over. I'm not going to raise this again with them because I know they all saw the poster that I posted and shared with them but I just don't understand them all. It's the last time I ask them for anything.

Just to add that my 17 year old dd has been paid her first ever wage today from her job and has been and brought 2 presents to add to the pile but my family who are all parents themselves can't spare a thought for nobody but themselves. Sorry for the rant I just had to put this somewhere.

You are free to donate what you wish and others are free to also. Stop pestering your family into donating to your favoured causes. Charity should be their choice.

Thing is you can’t force people to give to charity.

They either want to or they don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's kind of you to donate but I think it's unfair to think badly of your family just because they choose not to - it's a personal choice.

They might give charitably in other ways.

You’re not the boss of them OP.

Lovely thing for you and your DD to do though.

It's sad that they don't buy I really don't think it's your place to guilt trip them into contributing presents. I would just leave it to be honest. Your daughter sounds amazing and kind.

Good for your daughter but don’t be the family chugger.

You don’t know what other ways they might have given/be planning to give to charity. It’s not your place to judge them.

That being said, we could all probably cope with being a little bit more charitable.

This is the sort of thing I would read and not reply to though. I'd probably give something if I could and remembered.

YABU. Totally up to them which charitable causes (if any) they donate to and just because you want to give to this particular charity doesn’t mean your family are selfish for choosing not to.

Your 17 yo sounds very kind, but at that age she should probably focus on building up an emergency fund of her own, unless she's got a massive trust fund or something.

Well done with your work for the food bank. It's scandalous that such things are necessary.

Yeah it's lovely of you to want to do this and also you dd but you can't force others . People have their reasons be it they have already donated to others or they don't want to . Selfish maybe but they should want to do it but be forced.

I can't go on social media at the moment without seeing someone posting asking for money/ gifts/donations and tbh I'm a bit sick of it.

If any of my WhatsApp groups started I'd be muting them.

It’s not up to you to dictate how and when people give to charity.

I understand that you can't force people to donate and I don't want to, but I'm pissed that it was all thrown down are throats when it was a family member. These are local kids it could be someone we know, I just can't bare the thought of kids getting nothing on Xmas morning, I'd give my last pound.

I agree with you OP, sadlt some people just aren't willing to give, even if they have more than enough and could spare a little. And your DD sounds lovely.

It's understandable they were happy to raise money for a family member doing a run for their son but not a foodbank they have no connection to.

You're being very hard on them.

Great that you've given and commend your daughter for her thoughtfulness, However, not your. place to judge how your family spend their money. I give to 3 charities regularly, plus the food bank and also volunteer for a charity - my family don't know this (no need for them to). Don't think id be impressed if the request was made on family group, then mentioned to me in person (...and then maybe find out I'm being moaned about online). it's their money...their choice.

Well that is your choice to give your last pound. Other people may be moved by different causes or by none at all. That is their choice. I can’t stand this whole “it’s only £10” stance, because actually, it’s only ANOTHER £10... in addition to all the other small donations I’m pestered for almost daily. Let people be charitable in their own time and way and mind your own business.

YABU I’m afraid. It’s not up to you to police how and when people are to give charitably. And I’d ignore that WhatsApp message too.. or maybe not ignore but I wouldn’t answer even if I did give it some thought.

It's not just £10, everyone at this time of year wants something for charity.

It's great that you're giving to a cause close to your heart, but unreasonable to expect others to do the same, when they probably support their own causes too.

YABVU

The more people try to pressure, coerce, nag or guilt-trip me into donating to their preferred charity, the less likely I am to comply.

I have my own preferred charities to which I regularly donate and I don’t attempt to ram them down other people’s throats.

I've been directly asked for donations for...

Food bank x 2

Women's refuge

Dog shelter

Local hospital

Presents for local kids

Cash donations for sponsored Santa dash x 2

Go fund me - cash donations for a local family who have had a personal tragedy to help them have a Christmas.

As a small local business I've also been asked for donations of vouchers/items for countless school raffles, Christmas fairs, the local church.

Honestly, it's never fucking ending.

I think something else is at play here.

You’re pissed off with them for other reasons.

We give to a charity in Kenya for Xmas. Much as I can't bear the thoughts of a child having no presents, it's easier to think of that a child having no food or education. I don't think you should give them a hard time as you don't know what other charities they may give to. You can't choose their causes for them and them not giving to yours is not evidence of them just being out for themselves.