To take Brexit personally?

[Fiep]

I’m preparing to be flamed but I really want to hear views from all sides. Do try to be kind though.

I’m an EU citizen. I’ve lived in the UK for all my adult life and have spent most of that working with NHS patients. I’m a qualified professional and there is a skills shortage - we never manage to fill all our posts.

Most people can’t tell by my accent that I’m from the EU and instead assume I’m from another English-speaking country unless I tel them my name (which sounds foreign) or speak in another language.

Before the referendum I felt the UK was my home. It was the place I’d spent most of my life and I’ve always loved the British humour and quirky way of looking at things.

Nobody ever gave me grief about being foreign and I felt welcome and valued.

Shortly after the referendum, someone verbally abused me on a bus when they overheard me speaking in a European language on the phone. It really upset me. I’m privileged by most measures and I’m white, so I was not used to racist abuse. I now have a baby and struggle to talk to her in my language in public as I feel people are giving me judgemental looks when I’m out and about and speaking “foreign”, especially as I live in a rural place where the majority of shoppers at the big Tesco are White British and I see quite a few Union Jack / St George’s flag tattoos. This denies her the chance to grow up bilingual and I feel guilty about that. I do speak / read / sing to her at home but it’s not enough immersion in the language for it to make a difference.

On the other hand, most of my colleagues in health have always been immigrants too and I struggle to see how the NHS would run if it was just White British staffed.

AIBU to feel really angry about Brexit? To feel it’s just vitriol and wanting the country to be white? To take it personally and to let it affect me in that way? To look around the shops and feel that prejudice has been legitimised?

I’d actually be really keen to hear from Leavers as well as Remainers as I really can’t get my head around how anyone could have thought this was a good idea for something as woolly as “sovereignty” or whatever.

braces self for impact

@ConfessionsOfTeenageDramaQueen really?! Why did they? Do they not encounter an increase in abuse and looks like myself and lots of the other posters on here? I’m curious.

I was also wondering... I’m trying hard to understand opposing viewpoints... are people who disagree trying to understand how I might feel? Or does it go one way?
Just because “It’s not about you love” doesn’t sound massively empathetic but I might be reading too much into it. Sometimes our actions (eg a vote) have unintended consequences (eg people feeling judged and unwelcome). It would be worthwhile engaging with and trying to understand those feelings as well, rather than just dismissing them, IMO.

I was also wondering... I’m trying hard to understand opposing viewpoints... are people who disagree trying to understand how I might feel? Or does it go one way?

Sorry. I do care that you've been made to feel unwelcome. I expect that those of us who live in big/diverse cities are probably insulated from the reality of being an ethnic minority or non-native British person in a rural outpost. I hope the situation improves.

I wonder, if it's true that Brexit 'unleashed' pockets of previously latent racism, what would have happened to it if Brexit had never happened. Would it have evaporated? Would it have festered?

I take it personally too because some of my family voted for it, knowing I will probably lose my job because of it. Also, because I'm a single parent earning a low wage and financially life is hard enough without adding more problems. When employment laws and rights are ripped up, people like me will suffer the most no doubt. Especially under a Tory government.

I didn't understand at first why many of the immigrants I work with voted for Brexit. Some did because they didn't understand they were being lied to, but others did because they didn't think it fair that European immigrants had it so easy, whereas they had to jump through hoops to live and work here. I heard some immigrants regurgitating what they'd heard about how overcrowded the UK is. People pulling up the ladder after themselves is the epitome of selfishness in my eyes.

I think it's very wrong to blame white working class people for Brexit. Brexit voters are a mixed bag - rich/poor, men/women, all ethnicities, all ages.

I simply meant that this is a POLITICAL decision taken by the nationals of a country who were asked for their opinion by their government. I get that many people oppose the result, may be upset by it or affected by it even, but to 'take it personally' as your post was titled, i.e. to think that this is to do with YOU specifically or that people no longer like people from your country or something similar is patently inaccurate. I don't think British people are suddenly all harbouring increased ill will towards you compared with pre referendum times because you're a European; it is a potential political/economic development, like going to war would be or a trade embargo.
Sorry if that sounds too cold, I am just being factual as I see it.

it is a potential political/economic development, like going to war would be or a trade embargo.

War and trade embargoes have very personal consequences for those on the receiving end. A bullet may not be aimed at an individual but bloody hell the hole it leaves is felt by its victim.

In the end politics are personal. It's about people.

I'm not convinced EU Europeans are going to be 'victims' left with a 'hole' from the 'bullet' of Brexit (if it happens)! Reality check: that is pretty insulting to victims of real tragedy.

Vemvet You were the one to compare the brexit vote to the decision to go to war! I'm just using that image to illustrate how precisely such extreme decisions (war) have an impact on people. All political decisions ultimately impact on real people. Don't twist my words!

Yes, they may eventually impact people, and who knows whom or how exactly at this juncture, but to 'take personally' something that hasn't even happened yet and for which the driving forces are complex, multifaceted and historic is a little short sighted and unnecessary.

I could also use the example of austerity costing lives. That's also a political decision which has affected real people. All votes have the potential to change the lives of others. That's the responsibility that goes with democracy.

Er, we didn't vote for austerity...
The Swiss regularly have referenda to decide important matters (they have repeatedly rejected options to move closer towards the EU). I, like any other sensible person, do not take this personally and believe they have right to self determination.

Sure, we can't see most of the consequences of brexit yet because we don't even know what kind we'll get. For OP though the impact was immediate as the way she was perceived by some people immediately changed after the ref.

Really? I doubt that. Either they already perceived her in this certain apparently hostile way and she didn't notice (confirmation bias) or they didn't. No one woke up on 24 June, learned of the result and went, 'Well, I didn't think so before but now I really dislike all non indigenous British people being in my country and shall show them my new feelings overtly'.

I don't know what those people felt or thought before as I'm not one of them but I believe OP and others who mentioned a negative change in attitudes. That's a shame and I basically sympathise with them (rather than tell them they should put a lid on it or that they were basically deluded when they didn't notice hostility before)

Not deluded; confirmation bias is part of human nature. And if that's true, it is indeed a shame. But the question was AIBU to take the Brexit vote personally, and really, yes, it is.

Invariably confirmation bias will figure into the reported spikes in racist behaviour post-referendum.

Obviously, there will be racist incidents. Equally, people who view Brexit as ratification of racism in the UK will view all interactions through this lens.

@vemvet being verbally abused when previously I wasn’t isn’t confirmation bias, and my experiences are not unique. You’re basically telling me I’ve imagined the change in attitudes which is not the case and is quite invalidating tbh

@EntropyRising going from never experiencing racism to having comments more than once is not confirmation bias nor reporting bias, you’re being dismissive of real experience. Maybe because these unintended implications of Brexit make you uncomfortable?

Do I seem uncomfortable to you?

Not everything that I've said is specifically about you. Do you understand that?

So, fiep, you did initially write this 'I really want to hear views from all sides', so that means you might hear things you don't like or agree with. Just because you experience an opinion as 'invalidating' doesn't make it wrong or give you the right to criticise others. Isn't this lack of tolerance and broad-mindedness the same thing you are accusing others of?

@entropyrising No, not uncomfortable: probably a bit defended and unreflective though

@vemvet: I was trying to understand what motivated others, and not to have my experiences questioned and told that my experiences were basically untrue (“confirmation bias”)

YANBU .
I am a uk citizen who's lived in Europe for the last 15 years. Brexit has really screwed my family over. My young adult British born children risk not meeting the earning criteria to have the right to stay in the country they have grown up in. I was denied a vote in the referendum and this next election, neither am I allowed to vote in my country of residence's national elections, so I don't even get a say in a matter that is having a huge impact on my life. People here are bemused by Brexit, they see it as an absurd act of self harm. I am embarrassed to represent a country who is perceived to be basically saying f**k off to the rest of Europe.

Sigh. No, confirmation bias does not mean things are untrue; it means you notice or pay more attention to things that fit with your current viewpoint (or confirm eg in this case your worries or beliefs).
And it's not very validating to call other posters 'defended and unflective' because you don't agree with them.