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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

*SENSITIVE POST MAY TRIGGER SOME*

68 replies

Dontjudgemexxx · 28/11/2019 19:13

Hi. I had an appointment and my daughter was going to spend the night at my mums house so I asked my child’s dad if he can stay at the house until my mum arrives to get daughter. I went to the appointment, received a call from my mother to say she has daughter and will be heading home now, I went home a hour later to find that my daughters dad was still here... we had a really good friendship so thought nothing of it.
I asked him later when he was leaving and he said soon, he asked to order a Uber off my phone and later give me the money back so I agreed.
Once he had my phone he started calling me a slut, he went through my messages and noticed I was talking to a Male ( I’m not with my daughters father so no clue why he was so angry ) I asked him to pass my phone and tried to get it off him. He then punched me in my face causing my lip to start bleeding. Now I wanted my phone to call police and make him leave. But he’s so much bigger than me and I couldn’t get my phone. He kept calling me a slut... I left the room as I didn’t want anything to escalate and stayed in the living room. He came and made me give him oral sex, I kept saying no and moving my head but he would put me in a restraint position and forcefully move my hand and hold my head. I tried to leave after but he told me if I leave and try call the police that he would go to court and get custody of my daughter so I literally felt helpless I don’t want this happening at all. He ended up leaving but I now want to move and do not want him having anything to do with my daughter. I’m even considering changing me and daughters names so he won’t find us. Am I wrong for this ?

OP posts:
Windygate · 28/11/2019 19:18

I'm so sorry you've been through this horrible assault. Phone the police now on 999. Then ring your mum. Talk on here if it helps x

honeyloops · 28/11/2019 19:19

You poor, poor woman. I'm so sorry he did this to you - you do not deserve to be treated like this, and I know how enormously scary and painful this all is.

If you feel up to it (or can really push yourself to do it) call the police now - he sexually assaulted you and he deserves to be brought to justice for that, not to mention so that it's easier to keep him away from you and your child. Apologies for this but - if you can call the police now, there may be evidence still around that helps get him convicted so that he can't hurt you or anyone else again. I appreciate that involving the police feels huge and terrifying, though, and I am sending you all the love and strength I can. 💛

And call someone - a sibling, your mum, someone you trust to come and take care of you. You may be in shock right now, and you need people around who will show you the love and care you deserve.

Span1elsRock · 28/11/2019 19:21

You need to report him. It's the only way to keep yourself and your child safe.

MidnightCircus · 28/11/2019 19:28

Of course you aren't wrong, it's totally understandable you feel that way. I am so sorry you went through that, it's truly awful. My thoughts and a hug for you Flowers.
Is there anybody you can call to be with you? Please do go to the police when you feel up to it, so he cannot do this again. I know he threatened you but there's no way anything he said is true or it will happen that way, and going to the police will certainly help you.
I wish you all the best, and please do call someone to be with you if you can x

MulticolourMophead · 28/11/2019 19:32

You do need to report this. Having done this once, he is likely to assault you again.

And no, he won't get custody.

Practicalmagico · 28/11/2019 19:34

I am so sorry OP. What an awful experience, what a vile man. Please report him and get the help you need Flowers

Bluetrews25 · 28/11/2019 19:34

That's rape, Dontjudgemexxx.
Please get some support IRL.
Report if you feel able.
So sorry this has happened.
Wish I could sit with you, hold your hand and put a blanket around you.

RolytheRhino · 28/11/2019 19:36

Call the police immediately. Flowers

So sorry you've been put through this x

Shouldershrugger · 28/11/2019 19:38

Please please please report him to the police. HE is in the wrong. You have nothing to fear. Please call your mum. Im so so so sorry this has happened to you.

Winterdaysarehere · 28/11/2019 19:39

Why would he get custody? Ring 999 now. He needs locked up.
You need sti and forensic swabs taken ASAP.

froggybiby · 28/11/2019 19:39

I am so sorry Flowers Please, please report him. Is there anyone you can stay with tonight? If he has done it once, he will do it again.

Quartz2208 · 28/11/2019 19:39

he is going to hold that over you - custody forever

So Police and court so he cant

Onceuponatimethen · 28/11/2019 19:41

Call women’s aid op and police

I am so so sorry Flowers

Windygate · 28/11/2019 19:41

@Dontjudgemexxx are you okay? As much as you can be after such an assault. I'm sorry for the kiss, fat fingers.

TiredMama90 · 28/11/2019 19:43

Call the police.

Report him! He needs arresting.

Claphands · 28/11/2019 19:43

That’s rape my love, even if you don’t report it he won’t go back to being a friend, nor is he likely to get custody-highly unlikely.

LakieLady · 28/11/2019 19:48

Omg, this is shocking. Please call the police and report. This is a serious sexual assault.

He's an absolute cunt. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Amiable · 28/11/2019 19:49

Oh my love ThanksThanks

I know you are in shock, but just think about why on earth the courts would give full custody of a child to a man who rapes the mother?

He is just trying to scare you. Please report this, if he thinks he can get away with it there is a serious risk it will happen again.

Sending you love and strength xx

Charley50 · 28/11/2019 19:50

Oh god that is awful. I'd call the police. He punched you and sexually assaulted you.

VenusTiger · 28/11/2019 19:51

You must report this now, as you have dna evidence and a bruised face. If you don’t he may attack you again. You mustn’t run away OP, this is not the answer, why should you do that.
Please call the police.

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 28/11/2019 19:53

If you can OP, please consider phoning the police. I'm so so sorry this has happened to you.

1Morewineplease · 28/11/2019 19:53

This is utterly appalling.
You must call the police and Women’s Aid.
💐

Mammatino · 28/11/2019 19:55

Do you feel able to contact your mum or someone in RL who can help support you? Get some advice from womens aid or the rape crisis helpline. The fucking animal. Don't be alone if you can help it. There's strength in numbers. Do whatever you need to do to get through the next few hours and keep safe.

Krazynights34 · 28/11/2019 19:55

You poor woman.
I can imagine how scared you are.
The police will give you the support you need.
Please try not to let this vile rapist bully you and terrify you and try to report it.

DowntonCrabby · 28/11/2019 19:57

Please call the police now OP and someone you trust to come and give support.

What a vile excuse for a human, he absolutely will not get custody.

Please please please report him today. I am so sorry you’ve been through this.
FlowersFlowersFlowers