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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

*SENSITIVE POST MAY TRIGGER SOME*

68 replies

Dontjudgemexxx · 28/11/2019 19:13

Hi. I had an appointment and my daughter was going to spend the night at my mums house so I asked my child’s dad if he can stay at the house until my mum arrives to get daughter. I went to the appointment, received a call from my mother to say she has daughter and will be heading home now, I went home a hour later to find that my daughters dad was still here... we had a really good friendship so thought nothing of it.
I asked him later when he was leaving and he said soon, he asked to order a Uber off my phone and later give me the money back so I agreed.
Once he had my phone he started calling me a slut, he went through my messages and noticed I was talking to a Male ( I’m not with my daughters father so no clue why he was so angry ) I asked him to pass my phone and tried to get it off him. He then punched me in my face causing my lip to start bleeding. Now I wanted my phone to call police and make him leave. But he’s so much bigger than me and I couldn’t get my phone. He kept calling me a slut... I left the room as I didn’t want anything to escalate and stayed in the living room. He came and made me give him oral sex, I kept saying no and moving my head but he would put me in a restraint position and forcefully move my hand and hold my head. I tried to leave after but he told me if I leave and try call the police that he would go to court and get custody of my daughter so I literally felt helpless I don’t want this happening at all. He ended up leaving but I now want to move and do not want him having anything to do with my daughter. I’m even considering changing me and daughters names so he won’t find us. Am I wrong for this ?

OP posts:
User342109097569098 · 28/11/2019 19:57

He wont get custody. He is using that to scare you. Please report him I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you. Tell your mum also and don’t let him see your child anymore

TheTrollFairy · 28/11/2019 19:59

When did this happen? Did it happen today? If so you really need to get to the police so they can photo your injuries.

In terms of changing your names, you can only change DDs legally/by deed pole if her dad is not on the birth certificate. If he is then you’ll need his permission

WWlOOlWW · 28/11/2019 19:59

Oh OP please call the police and report this. We can hand hold here.. could you tell your mum ?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/11/2019 20:00

He beats you up then forces you into a sexual act, and You’re asking if you’re wrong to stop your dd from going near this disgusting beast. I think you know the answer.
. You should have bit it off him and chocked him with it.
Also how dare he go through your messages.
To echo pps you need to report him.
Flowers

GaaaaarlicBread · 28/11/2019 20:06

So so sorry you have been through this. But remember he is just trying scare you with threats, you need to call 999 now. What he did was rape and you need to keep you and your child safe.
We are all here for you, but you need to phone emergency services.
xx

PeopleWhoRun · 28/11/2019 20:07

Please report this asap xxx

carly2803 · 28/11/2019 20:14

oh what a vile man

you need to report him OP, he cannot get away with this, he will keep doing this.

You poor poor thing

bellabasset · 28/11/2019 20:15

That must have been terrifying for you. Call the police and you need to have your home made secure, with one of those Ring locks so you can see whose at the door.

Do you have anyone who can stay with you?

81Byerley · 28/11/2019 20:17

Ring the police. No court would allow him to have your child.

Streamside · 28/11/2019 20:23

Remember this is classified as rape. Report to the police, it's all you can do and you also need to do it in order to protect your daughter.

Catsandchardonnay · 28/11/2019 20:29

Please report him OP. Sorry you had to go through this Flowers

StoneColdSaidSo · 28/11/2019 20:30

That is rape as well as assault. Ring the police now so they can get some evidence from you and have him charged and put away. This is very serious. Make sure you’ve taken pictures of you injuries. Please call he police ASAP

theflushedzebra · 28/11/2019 20:30

It is rape and assault OP - as pp's have said - you have been seriously sexually assaulted. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and it's not your fault. You did nothing to bring this about.

Has the punch left a mark/bruise?

Have you washed yourself, and has this only just happened? If so, and you were considering calling police and reporting it, there will be DNA evidence they can collect.

No, you would NBU to run away from him/this. You could also try Rape Crisis, who will advise and counsel you whether you want to report it or not.

Thanks
Beeziekn33ze · 28/11/2019 20:31

Please try to deal with this horrible situation right now. It’s most unlikely to be a one-off.
If you leave it or try to convince yourself that it won’t happen again you’ll be living in dread of the next time.
I hope your family and close friends are there to support you, you truly don't deserve to be abused and insulted by this excuse for a man.

Chillyegg · 28/11/2019 20:37

Oh darling hugs go to your mums ring the police xxx

OrangeSlices998 · 28/11/2019 20:37

I am so sorry you have experienced this. You don’t deserve it, and he was utterly vile and in the wrong to do it to you, he has committed a crime and therefore you have the choice to report him. You and your daughter deserve to be safe, please call the police if you are able.

You didn’t do anything wrong, and he won’t be able to get custody of your daughter if you report him for rape. Please believe that.

❤️

Serin · 28/11/2019 20:41

OP I wouldn't advise everyone who has been raped to go to the Police (eg if it happened in a country where women's rights are not as valued) but in your case I think you really have to do this to protect yourself and your DD.
I hope he gets years.

TryingToBeBold · 28/11/2019 20:42

Call your mum and ring 999 Flowers

funnylittlefloozie · 28/11/2019 20:47

Oh OP i hope you are safe now. Please go to the police; that animal needs to be behind bars, and you need to be looked after.

LakieLady · 28/11/2019 20:47

And to reassure you, OP, the police are much more sensitive in how they deal with cases like yours than they ever used to be.

Mary1935 · 28/11/2019 20:48

I am so sorry you experienced that assault. Can you call rape crisis for support. What an absolute bastard he is. 🌺🌺

Andsoitisjust99 · 28/11/2019 20:52

As an alternative to ringing the police (I think you should but I know it's not easy), please get get medical support and your injuries and evidence of this sexual assault properly documented. www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Rape%20and%20sexual%20assault%20referral%20centres/LocationSearch/364

scoobydoo1971 · 28/11/2019 20:57

Please call the police, and report this incident. Not just for your safety, but your child and other adults. He is a safeguarding risk and should not be allowed unsupervised access to your child. You should go to a minor injury walk in centre asap to report your injuries, physical and emotional. Follow this up with a GP appointment that records the assault. You maybe entitled to Legal Aid. Family courts would take this matter seriously in an access dispute. The police have specialist forensic sexual assault medical staff on duty 24 hours per day to examine you. If you don't stand up to him then he will think it is ok to assault you again, and also other women.

Candymay · 28/11/2019 21:02

Call the police because you will be able to find someone you can talk to there. They will help and not judge.

Bluerussian · 28/11/2019 21:04

What a shock that must have been for you, especially as you thought you got on quite well. I'm shocked so can't imagine how you feel.

Please do not let him get away with this, do phone the police if you haven't already.

I hope there is someone you can call on to be with you right now.

Brew inadequate I know but might help.

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