To really not understand...

[jamoncrumpets]

How some parents can't seem to work out that their kids are autistic before they start primary school?

I've read at least five threads this week about kids with no diagnosis struggling in mainstream school. Kids that aren't even yet on the ASD diagnosis pathway.

How could your kid get to five and you not notice that they were autistic? Honestly?

To be absolutely clear I am not talking about parents who have noticed differences and have started on the diagnosis pathway - I know myself from experience that it can take up to two years to get a diagnosis.

I'm talking about parents who have not even begun that process.

I'm genuinely baffled by it.

Op is looking for a fight - ignore her and move away from the stupid woman!

This thread is rude as fuck.

My son is five, he has been massively behind on speech, we got help and he was diagnosed with a developmental language delay. Another therapist went to see him who noted his eye contact and social skills and suggested we get referred to see a neurodeveopmental doctor.

I have next to zero experience of autism, no one in our family has it that I know of, my husband never met his real dad so we've got a massive chunk of family history missing. The only people with autism I have met have been completely different to my son.

Having clicked on the ticklish posted earlier, how does that indicate autism? All yes or no answers or some combination? ( I suspect I circulate a lot with non NT people so I don't really know what you at classing as NT)

AIBU to really not understand how some parents can't seem to work out that their kids are autistic before they start primary school?

Maybe you're just not very good at understanding things, OP. Or putting yourself in others' positions. Or seeing something from the point of view of someone who doesn't have exactly the same experience or knowledge as you. (Or maybe you're just a goady know-it-all.)

Well this is very judgemental. I didn’t know my son had autism as I have a daughter with autism and she is the total opposite of him, she is also much much harder work than him that little things that he did that was subtle I didn’t pick up on because I was so use to my daughters very obvious signs. It was the school who suggested he had autism. And he is awaiting an assessment so not diagnosed yet

Agree with @BlueGingerale it just wasn’t around when I was at school. I’m 40. My younger brother had ADHD, now a sociopath, and my parents had to private school and see private doctors.

Just wasn’t around then like it is now.

The funny thing is OP, that you yourself don’t seem to know much about how autism presents itself.
My now 16 year old was diagnosed aspergers at 12 years old upon starting high school. I had no concerns whatsoever before that.
He taught himself to read at 2 years old and was in the gifted programme at his primary school. Upon starting high school, he started to struggle with friendships.
The school themselves referred him to an educational psychologist.
I have since been diagnosed myself. His behaviours didn’t seem weird or different to me because he was just the same as I was.

My 9 yo is being assessed currently - she is nothing like my 20 ds who has asd. She is sociable and presents very differently.

I didn’t have a clue till DS was 7, he’d also had SALT before that point and it was never raised as a possibility...

Oh and he’d have scored 1 on the mchat questionnaire, so... no, it’s not always glaringly obvious.

But hey, just you carry on feeling superior to other parents

Horrid self righteous post.
How dare you judge.

I get what you're saying OP. I cottoned on that something wasn't quite right with my darling daughter when she was about 6 months old. She was terrified, like frozen stiff, when she was put in her moving rocker; its like it was way too much for her (overstimulated). So I kept an eye on her milestones (physically she met them all bang on time) but her speech refused to develop by 1.5yrs and thats what got the ball rolling for me. She was diagnosed by 3yrs old and now she speaks, writes, spells, counts, sings etc so that early intervention definitely has given her that boost. I feel some parents see the signs and want to ignore it but that helps nobody in the long run.

I would be a lot more worried about parents who would test their children for anything and everything under the sun, go through all chart progress they can find, and analyse everything. what normal being would do that? Poor kids.

Not everyone will be in a rush to label their kid, after all all children are different and develop differently.

My sons dad thinks our son is autistic in some way and I think that is nonsense.

It's not fucking rocket science.

Some of the reasons:

Not knowing how autism presents and the signs of it,especially since each autistic person is different and it also presents differently in boys and girls.

Extremely busy lives for various reasons with the child being in childcare most of the day.

Any concerns or worries being dismissed by HV,GP etc as totally normal, they'll grow out of it and the younger they are "wait 6 more months" then come back.

Other issues that the child might have .

The fact that you can have a chatty,cuddly, reaching mile stones baby/toddler that can still have autism.

The fact that the home environment is easier to control and adapt to the needs of a child,even if the parents are doing it subconsciously.

I don't know people with autism, but do know of people who have it.

When my DD was born, I was a bit tiger mum and would quietly google and purposefully make myself aware of her developmental milestones. I was a working mother so didn't have much comparison either. My DD doesn't have autism at all, of that I'm sure.

Maybe the OP is a bit blunt, but I too am surprised that more parents didn't educate themselves on this issue, which is everywhere you bloody turn. And then, not at least wonder, if there was something amiss. I'm not talking extreme autism here, that in itself should be an obvious learning disability.

I too knew of children who must have had autism at school. But the amount it is talked about now leads me to believe it is far more than just better diagnosis, it's far more common.

I'm still waiting for a long standing teacher to come on one of these threads, and irrespective of diagnosis, just looking at behaviour, state if it is indeed more common. The cause is very interesting.

Maybe it will grow ex potentially, then if half the population have it, it might be viewed as the average and thereafter, no longer a disability (those not at the severe end, who can't speak/undertake self care etc).

I'm educated. I didn't realise my dcs had autism because I didn't realise I had autism, so how they were was normal to me. For you to be so ignorant shows that you are the one that needs education.

Read Neurotribes by Steve Silberman. It explains the history of autism and how the diagnosis process has changed. Also I've been a teacher for 24 years. Is that long enough for you?

Great, 24 years. An informative thread.

So, compared to your first year, and now, how many children on average present with these behaviours, however discrete, and have the number of children presenting with such behaviours increased over your 24 years? Ignoring diagnosis by a specialist.

Clearly autism hasn't affected your ability to work or have a family in principle.

This can not be serious.

In principle?
Seriously, read Neurotribes. It will explain things. It's popular so the library will have it.

I have worked with many many children in different settings. It's still doesn't mean I am qualified to diagnose autism, that's why there are specialists, it can present in many ways. You sound very ignorant. Do some research.

Symptoms vary though, some dc are higher functioning etc so yabu

This line is one of the best things I’ve learnt since joining Mumsnet eight years ago. I’ve never had a chance to use it though:

Op, fuck off to the far side of fuck, and when you get there, fuck off some more.

Never mind the OP, that is rude. So aggressive.

My DD doesn't have autism at all, of that I'm sure.

good for you? Maybe it's healthier for parents to actually enjoy their kids instead of obsessing about possible autism just for the sake of it?

Seriously, some people would be better off with robots, so they could tick each box on a fixed milestone day, and off you pop.