To really not understand...

[jamoncrumpets]

How some parents can't seem to work out that their kids are autistic before they start primary school?

I've read at least five threads this week about kids with no diagnosis struggling in mainstream school. Kids that aren't even yet on the ASD diagnosis pathway.

How could your kid get to five and you not notice that they were autistic? Honestly?

To be absolutely clear I am not talking about parents who have noticed differences and have started on the diagnosis pathway - I know myself from experience that it can take up to two years to get a diagnosis.

I'm talking about parents who have not even begun that process.

I'm genuinely baffled by it.

@JellyTeapot we were the same because my son likes cuddles 🙄

jamoncrumpets You say you don't feel superior, but that's how you're coming across: superior and judgmental.

Not every parent is blessed with your level of insight and knowledge of what constitutes 'normal' behaviour in small children.

You obviously have no idea you lack understanding and empathy. Sometimes we just don't see what's in front of us when we're very close to it.

I noticed at 2 but was told over and over by 'professionals' that he was fine. In the end I went private. He is now 4, non verbal. If I had not gone private, he would still be waiting. The system is massively flawed.

I have autism. I'd like to know what behaviours I should have shown at school for this to have been picked up earlier.

(I was one of those eighties kids that you didn't see.)

OMG @jamoncrumpets how can you be so ignorant or are you being deliberately goading 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

I strongly suspected my friends DD is autistic because I have 4 DDs of my own and something to compare it to.... the flags for her were having a younger child after a huge gap, as a full time working parent she had nothing to compare to.

How is that hard to understand??

First child, you accommodate unwittingly and unless you mix with loads of other DC just what huge flag is there unless they are literally non-verbal, completely ritualistic etc?

Most people with ASD pretty much function in the same ways as NT in day to day life.

If you are not in a sphere where you come across people with autism then you are not going to be familiar with the signs. Toddlers by their very nature can be rigid and have "meltdowns". As parents we craft careful routines and familiarity for NT children any way. They can be fussy with food. They can be repetitive in their behaviour etc.

It's sometimes only when you see stark difference between a particular child's development and their peers that things become clearer.

@JellyTeapot bloody disgusting isn't it??

I love the whole "they just have anxiety, until you sort that out we can't assess for ASD" I was WTF 😳😳😳😳🤬 and it wasn't even my DC!

From my own experience
My ‘difficult’ and violent toddler was going through ‘a phase’ apparently- according to the hv. She dismissed my worries as nothing each and every time I raised it - I was ‘one of those ‘ parents
My dc was ‘difficult’ at school. And even the teacher In yr 2 asked me ‘how to control him and make him concentrate’

It was the end of year 4 before anyone at all told me that he had additional needs
I had no idea

It happens op

The M Chat test is pretty detailed

I didn't realise my children were autistic until ds1 was 13. The senco at his school told me. I went on a course about autism and the tutor was discussing what autism in females is like. I thought I knew about autism because I have taught autistic children. But boys and their characteristics are are slightly different to girls. Anyway I realised that I'm autistic. I then read obsessively about it, like an obsessed autistic person! My youngest son is my mini me, so it was obvious that he is too. So, all through their childhood I thought the autistic things they said and did were normal as I did them! Autism is such a gift for me as it gave me the strength and self reliance to help me survive my abusive parents!
My experience is not an isolated one as autism does run in families and what is normal is based on your own experience.
Poor dh is the only neurotypical...he's learning our ways!
So not all parents of autistic children are neglectful in seeking diagnosis.

You clearly believe that you're superior to the parents who didn't discover their children had autism until they were older. 🏅

I have three children, none of whom are on the spectrum, but I think post is pretty nasty.

@jamoncrumpets because not all ppl with autism have the same signs or symptoms!! There is a saying that if you know one person with autism...then you know ONE person with autism! I know lots of children with autism (I work with them...) and not one of them is the same.

Also our home and lifestyle is set up for autistic people as I run the home.

HOW would they know?

First you are even more ignorant by making it sound that "autism" is one thing. There's a spectrum ffs.

Especially if it's someone's first child, but not only, what are parents supposed to compare him/her with? Children are individuals, have strengths and weaknesses, their own personality, do you actually believe there's a big sign flashing on somebody's forehead?

Stupidest thread honestly.

But lots of DC don't tick many of those boxes because their behaviour is "borderline" oh and yeah many mask and therefore the behaviour is hidden.

🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh come off it op! How many parents just happen to have one of those lying around?

First and only child. A girl who can mask her autism extremely well. We had no idea until her preschool mentioned certain behaviours and kept an eye on her, then put her on the autism diagnosis pathway. Without that intervention we might never have realised that the behaviours were not typical (eg echolalia, which we thought was just the way children learn to speak).

Even after she was diagnosed, because she masks so well, her mainstream school didn't make allowances for her (visual supports etc) because she didn't seem to need it and they admitted she flew under the radar. Yes, we had the fallout at home, but if we knew very little or nothing about autism, then we may not have considered it.

I know of families where one child is diagnosed ASD, but another one is not diagnosed until much, much later due to completely different presentations.

Tony Atwood, one of the world's leading autism experts, did not realise his adult son was autistic.

So I think ordinary people who might have little, or no, experience of autism may be forgiven for not spotting the signs in their pre-school aged child.

so you want parents to check every chart and progress table every month to ensure their child is average?

More and more ridiculous.

All my classmates knew an autistic child, but I wasn't diagnosed! I found out when I was 44.

My friend's child wasn't diagnosed until she was 8yrs old because a lot of her traits didn't become obvious until she was older.

She often says her DD 'grew into her autism'.

I found that in three seconds on my phone @MattBerrysHair by googling 'autism signs in toddlers'

I wasn't suggesting people keep a hard copy

Jeez Maisie. I said Autism has grown exponentially. Which means there were kids in the 80s with autism just a fraction of the number we have now.

If you have autism you must have difficulties with social communication and with social interaction. That would have been noticeable when you were a child.

People who knew you as a child and who have learnt about autism would now be able to say you had autism when you were a child. Even if they couldn’t say that in the 80s because they didn’t know about Autism

I really don’t understand why you don’t understand this. If you know as much about autism as you you’re implying you do then you’d know that even professionals have a difficult time deciding whether someone meets the criteria for a diagnosis.

Also, FYI, even if there are difficulties or red flags in childhood it could be a million conditions or environmental factors influencing those, not just autism.

I also think you're being goady op. I have no direct experience of autism, and even I know that behaviours, if that's the correct term, vary wildly and can be hard to identify.

I think I'm going to report your post, because I am not wholly convinced this thread is written in the best of interests.