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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go back to work when DC is 4 months?

87 replies

Drowninginmyownsnot · 28/11/2019 12:42

I’m only 14 weeks so I have ages yet and anything could happen and I know I could change my mind about how I feel once DC is here.

This will be DC2. I went back when DC1 was 7 months.

I want to go back to work when DC is 4 months. DH doesn’t agree and says 6 months minimum as he’s worried about SIDS but surely nursery and childminder would be following guidelines anyway?

My main reasons for going back are due to money and career prospects.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

BritWifeinUSA · 06/12/2019 17:12

Take as much as you can afford. There’s no guaranteed maternity leave at all here in the US. Women hear would think you are crazy not to take all that you can get. Where I work, they are usually back at work within a month of the birth.

FairyBunnyAgain · 06/12/2019 17:24

2 DC went back to work when they were 8/10 weeks old, my choice and used a nanny.

Both now adult uni students with no ill effects

AngelsSins · 06/12/2019 18:02

You want four months he wants six months. Split the difference and go back at five months? Compromise is key in most things

That’s not a bloody compromise, that’s letting her DH think he’s the boss of her. He’s not willing to compromise and take any leave, so he certainly doesn’t get to dictate how long she takes.

OP, he’s your husband, not your lord and master. Just keep insisting that unless he’s going to share leave with you, then his opinion is irrelevant.

strawberrieshortcake · 06/12/2019 18:13

@NeedAnExpert I’m not checking out that thread. I was commenting about my experience with my family.

strawberrieshortcake · 06/12/2019 18:17

@NeedAnExpert I just checked out that thread out of sheer confusion about the name. And it has absolutely nothing at all to do with my comment? It is about people who were neglected as kids which I was not and I am bemused that you think a mother going back to work 4 months post partum is automatically neglect. This country would collapse within a day of all women decide to stay at home for years post partum.

IndieTara · 06/12/2019 18:59

I went back to work when DD was 10 weeks old.
She's 11 now and no lasting effect

CornishMaid1 · 06/12/2019 19:16

Wow some people really like to guilt trip. Mothers are allowed to work as well and the whole 'you wanted to be a mother so be one' is pathetic.

OP I am in a bit of a similar situation. I am currently 26 weeks and I am going back to work at around 4 months. My plan is to start back then and use the KIT days to start back part time for a few weeks before being full time. I am the main breadwinner so need to go back to work to pay our mortgage as mat pay will not cut it.

However, DH is taking shared parental leave, so I go back and DH will take the rest of the year off on shared parental leave and pay. Baby will have one of us there.

You need to work out what will work for you. The only piece of advice I will pass on (which was given to me by a friend who had to go back after 12 weeks as she was the main breadwinner) was not to underestimate how hard it is to go back and leave the baby when they are that young. It will be hard, but she is a good example because she and her DD are very close even with her going back to work early.

NeedAnExpert · 06/12/2019 19:21

It is about people who were neglected as kids which I was not and I am bemused that you think a mother going back to work 4 months post partum is automatically neglect.

It’s about people whose parents replaced meeting their children’s emotional needs with material things. It fit with the post I replied to, which appeared to value material things over presence.

This country would collapse within a day of all women decide to stay at home for years post partum.

Yes. There’s absolutely no middle ground between “four months” and “years”.

NeedAnExpert · 06/12/2019 19:21

My plan is to start back then and use the KIT days to start back part time for a few weeks before being full time.

You can’t use KIT days after returning from mat leave.

CluelessNewMama · 06/12/2019 19:36

There is no right or wrong here. Your child will be just fine if you go back to work provided you find suitable childcare, and you will look out for his/her best interests.

I think you probably need to see how you feel closer to the time if possible. My DD is 5 months and I’m nowhere near ready to go back to work. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her at nursery just yet. I’m also still just really tired. But I have friends who have gone back to work at 3 or 4 months and both they and their DC have been totally fine. It’s very personal.

You should also be aware that 4 months is a common time for sleep regression. For us it lasted for 6 weeks and I was probably getting around 4 hours of broken sleep a night. I couldn’t have done my job on that.

CornishMaid1 · 09/12/2019 12:22

Needanexpert Perhaps I was a bit unclear. I am not using my KIT days after ending maternity leave, but for the last portion of mat leave to ease into returning full time.

You can use the KIT days whenever you like within your maternity leave. In my last 5 weeks of maternity leave I am using 2 KIT days a week so that I will 'work' 2 days a week to ease back in whilst still being on maternity leave and at the end of those 5 weeks my mat leave will officially end, I will be back full time and DH will be on shared parental leave.

NeedAnExpert · 09/12/2019 12:29

That’s fine. Sounded like you were going back then wanting to use KIT days.

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