To wish my coworker would stop suggesting life fixes to me?

[Ritascornershop]

I’m going through a protracted spot of financial bother and my coworker has a hundred and one ideas, all of which she is enthusiastic about (& all of which I’ve considered and dismissed).

Why don’t you sell your house for cheap and get a poky flat?!!

Why don’t you get a second job (I’m in my mid-50’s and exhausted as it is)?!!

“Why don’t you sell your possessions?!! I once found a weird object at the dump and sold it for £20!!”

Why don’t you make crafts and sell them door to door?!! (My sister laughed her head off over this one as we’re very introverted and not Little Matchgirls).

And on and on and on. Then she looks all disappointed when I say why I won’t do any of those things and actually said today, when I said “I’m exhausted from this job, I am not going to work weekends as well”, “I would do anything I needed to do!!” (She says everything with great enthusiasm, she’s not mean, just dense). She’s older than me, makes 3 times as much, works shorter hours, mortgage paid off and happily married, so zero understanding of my financial situation as a low paid single parent.

She is doing my head in!! But I don’t want to be rude as she means well and I don’t want an unpleasant mood to start. Ideas?

It can be VERY frustrating to work with someone who complains constantly about not being able to afford stuff - if you don't go on about your financial situation they SIBU however if you bring it up a lot but only to moan and not take any suggestions on how to make changes, then YDBVVU.

Why don't you stop telling her your woes then she won't have anything to suggest anything about

Why are you talking about personal and private issues with your colleagues?

I mentioned it once when she asked why I wasn’t going anywhere on holiday! You two have rather made assumptions. I said “I can’t afford it due to the exh shorting me on child support” & she’s made it her mission to figure it out. I just wish she’d stop.

@TheYear - lord, do you never chat in the staff room? 🙄

Tell her it’s very vulgar to discuss money.

That sounds massively frustrating! It sounds like she means well but has very little life experience of that kind.

Someone I work with has only ever worked part time and her husband paid the mortgage and all bills. She admitted she has no clue how to even pay a bill and she's only ever filled her car up once as he always does it. She's 58!! She's very similar to this, has no idea what real life is like

She told me I'm "lucky" because I'm so independent

Thanks Duchess and Simon :) It is frustrating, she’s kind but does not have the imagination to realize it’s not helpful. Her life experience is so massively different, she can’t begin to understand how long-term stress impacts people’s ability to have the get up and go to, oh, make crafts and beg door to door.

Lie. Tell her your money woes are over. Big smile. You are so glad to have got your budget sorted out. Let's talk about something else. You don't want to think about how hard it has been any more, it's all behind you now, time to move the conversation on. Let's talk about Brenda's new kitten.

Get her to recommend you for promotion.

Tell her it is all fine now that you are working as a high-class escort or since you started doing web-cams.

@Yarboosucks that made me laugh out loud her face would be a picture

Glad to help....

Alternative suggestion, tell her you have followed her crafting advice and have knitted her a gag and charge her £20

Tell her you have started selling aloe vera shite. How much does she want to buy and would she like to work for you and by the way there is a aloe vera shite party at your house on Tuesday which she must bring ten friends to or she's not a true friend your leader says.

Yes, what Towel suggested is how I'd get her off my back!

I would just smile sweetly and say thank you, I’ll think about it.

Well, there are a few options here. You could pretend your money worries are at an end. Not sure I like pretending but would do it if I needed to.

you can be honest and say a simple 'I appreciate people trying to help me but I don't want to discuss money at work.'

But personally, I love the idea from TowelNumber 'Get her to recommend you for promotion.'

Or what Justawaterformeplease said...

Have you tried turning it around on her and asking why she is interrogating, or if that is too harsh, questioning you?

My mum was passive aggressive like that, always asking why I didn't do things differently in my field of expertise. In frustration I once responded by saying I am not the expert on my life that you seem to think you are.
It hurt her feelings so bad she stopped interrogating my choices for a whole week.

Most of the day it’s just the two of us, so much as I’d like to I don’t want to tell her off as I don’t want an atmosphere. Also she means well.

Any of Towel’s suggestions would work. Or Yaboo’s, I did consider telling her I’d started pole-dancing to shut her up. I may just tell her it’s sorted, I’m not rich but am caught up and it’s fine. Now about Brenda’s kitten!! And Mrs Slocombe’s pussy!

Say you'll think about it for all of her suggestions then change the subject

I have similar with a colleague. I am a single mom to a 1 year old and DS does nothing. I do have family help with childcare but pretty much only whilst I work. Very, very occasionally I get childcare for an evening out but these occasions are used up for birthdays, weddings, going to visit friends who have had babies that type of thing.

I don't complain about it as such but my colleague often asks if I'm doing X Y Z at the weekend and I always say well no I can't because I have to stay home whilst DS is in my bed (for example). She always then seems to think I need 'cheering up' and will constantly suggest doing things that I cannot do because I don't have childcare. It's so bloody repetitive and annoying.

Yes!! @sittingonacornflake that is it exactly! Just totally oblivious to how other people’s lives are different. And also that difficulties are often more complex than these simple “fixes” suggest.

That must be incredibly annoying.

YANBU.

So you only talked about your financial woes once and now she comes out with this stuff all the time and presumably not at all related to the conversation you're having? (because you only mentioned it once)

How very strange.