To wish my coworker would stop suggesting life fixes to me?

[Ritascornershop]

I’m going through a protracted spot of financial bother and my coworker has a hundred and one ideas, all of which she is enthusiastic about (& all of which I’ve considered and dismissed).

Why don’t you sell your house for cheap and get a poky flat?!!

Why don’t you get a second job (I’m in my mid-50’s and exhausted as it is)?!!

“Why don’t you sell your possessions?!! I once found a weird object at the dump and sold it for £20!!”

Why don’t you make crafts and sell them door to door?!! (My sister laughed her head off over this one as we’re very introverted and not Little Matchgirls).

And on and on and on. Then she looks all disappointed when I say why I won’t do any of those things and actually said today, when I said “I’m exhausted from this job, I am not going to work weekends as well”, “I would do anything I needed to do!!” (She says everything with great enthusiasm, she’s not mean, just dense). She’s older than me, makes 3 times as much, works shorter hours, mortgage paid off and happily married, so zero understanding of my financial situation as a low paid single parent.

She is doing my head in!! But I don’t want to be rude as she means well and I don’t want an unpleasant mood to start. Ideas?

[Frenchw1fe]

Why not just say. ‘Oh, that’s a good idea, I’ll think about it.’
I’ve been on the other side of this, a friend who has problems constantly but doesn’t want help just wants to complain. It took me a while to realise I can’t fix her life so now I just sympathise.
She probably found me annoying too.

[Mijnje]

When it comes to problems, some people are solution-focused and others are emotion-focused. It sounds like perhaps you're the latter and she's the former. Perhaps just explain this to her and request that moving forward she offers sympathy instead of solutions.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

Just tell her you're sorted...

[Stooshie8]

I am bad for suggesting solutions rather than just being empathetic - but my friend is a bit like this with ideas about how I can do things. I might mention something in passing then we have 10 minutes of ideas and suggestions - when I've run through them to myself and dismissed them for whatever reason.
I find the best thing is to distract with some subject that they have a beef about. She will then run with that - for ages, downside is I've heard it all before.

[Fr0g]

have you tolg her that yoy find it annoying/uncomfortable/invsion of your privacy?
If its just two of you in the office, I understand you don;t want to create an atmosphere, but its possible to have that conversation without "telling her off" - and by saying nothing it's creating an atmosphere anyway.

[Dontdisturbmenow]

You must have said a bit more to her than what you claim for her to draw the conclusion you had a significant enough issue that means she is that involved. Also, conversation subjects usually die quickly when you don't engage at all.

Maybe you've talked more about it than you thought, hoping for sympathy and getting frustrated that instead you are getting suggestions. I do get it as I've been there (with other issues) and it is really annoying when people just make suggestions that you've already considered. Ironically though, each time I have been in this situation, it turned out that one of the suggestions, that I had dismissed, was the way forward out of the problem, so it might be worth considering them after all.

In the end, if you don't want to discuss it at all, just tell her once and for all. If she keeps it up, just change the subject. She'll soon get the message.

[sittingonacornflake]

@StealthPolarBear genius!!

[StealthPolarBear]

Well the solution is obvious. Op needs to become cornflake's regular babysitter.
All problems sorted, next!

[hopeishere]

Yeah just tell her things are fine now.

[TheCanterburyWhales]

So you only talked about your financial woes once and now she comes out with this stuff all the time and presumably not at all related to the conversation you're having? (because you only mentioned it once)

How very strange.

[CravingCheese]

That must be incredibly annoying.

YANBU.

[Ritascornershop]

Yes!! @sittingonacornflake that is it exactly! Just totally oblivious to how other people’s lives are different. And also that difficulties are often more complex than these simple “fixes” suggest.

[sittingonacornflake]

I have similar with a colleague. I am a single mom to a 1 year old and DS does nothing. I do have family help with childcare but pretty much only whilst I work. Very, very occasionally I get childcare for an evening out but these occasions are used up for birthdays, weddings, going to visit friends who have had babies that type of thing.

I don't complain about it as such but my colleague often asks if I'm doing X Y Z at the weekend and I always say well no I can't because I have to stay home whilst DS is in my bed (for example). She always then seems to think I need 'cheering up' and will constantly suggest doing things that I cannot do because I don't have childcare. It's so bloody repetitive and annoying.

[Shoxfordian]

Say you'll think about it for all of her suggestions then change the subject

[Ritascornershop]

Most of the day it’s just the two of us, so much as I’d like to I don’t want to tell her off as I don’t want an atmosphere. Also she means well.

Any of Towel’s suggestions would work. Or Yaboo’s, I did consider telling her I’d started pole-dancing to shut her up. I may just tell her it’s sorted, I’m not rich but am caught up and it’s fine. Now about Brenda’s kitten!! And Mrs Slocombe’s pussy!

[Creepster]

Have you tried turning it around on her and asking why she is interrogating, or if that is too harsh, questioning you?

My mum was passive aggressive like that, always asking why I didn't do things differently in my field of expertise. In frustration I once responded by saying I am not the expert on my life that you seem to think you are.
It hurt her feelings so bad she stopped interrogating my choices for a whole week.

[Italiangreyhound]

Or what Justawaterformeplease said...

[Italiangreyhound]

Well, there are a few options here. You could pretend your money worries are at an end. Not sure I like pretending but would do it if I needed to.

you can be honest and say a simple 'I appreciate people trying to help me but I don't want to discuss money at work.'

But personally, I love the idea from TowelNumber 'Get her to recommend you for promotion.'

[Justawaterformeplease]

I would just smile sweetly and say thank you, I’ll think about it.

[QuiteForgetful]

Yes, what Towel suggested is how I'd get her off my back!

[TowelNumber42]

Tell her you have started selling aloe vera shite. How much does she want to buy and would she like to work for you and by the way there is a aloe vera shite party at your house on Tuesday which she must bring ten friends to or she's not a true friend your leader says.

[Yarboosucks]

Glad to help....

Alternative suggestion, tell her you have followed her crafting advice and have knitted her a gag and charge her £20

[SausageSimon]

@Yarboosucks that made me laugh out loud her face would be a picture

[Yarboosucks]

Tell her it is all fine now that you are working as a high-class escort or since you started doing web-cams.

[TowelNumber42]

Get her to recommend you for promotion.