AIBU EWO rang ex asking why I hadn't answered phone?

[SpinneyHill]

2 DC both been off with a flu bug, DC2 was hospitalised with it for 36 hours and I was advised to wait for fever to go AND then wait a day or 2 to ensure they are well enough (lethargy and painful coughing were the concerns GP raised).

I've contacted the school every day they've been off, today I get an angry msg from the ex as the school welfare office rang him (15min of being lectured he says and I believe him) demanding to know 1)where the kids were and 2) why I hadn't answered my phone or rung them back in the last 40mins(!?). He explained that he had no idea, was at work, knew we had all been ill with Flu and this had included a stay in hospital. He suggested I hadn't heard the phone and then snapped 'i don't know maybe she went to the shop?' when he was questioned again.
This led to "well if the boys are well enough to go to the shop we shall expect them tomorrow"

We are all suffering with it and I'd left mobile in my coat, nothing sinister or untoward about why I hadn't answered. When I rang her she demanded to know where the DC were, claiming the office did not know (this was a lie) and that she's not sure the head will 'accept' the absence. She then interrogated me about shopping if the boys were so ill, I had no idea what she was talking about. She then told me she had questioned my controlling abusive ex about why I hadn't answered my phone as if this was normal.

As it stands he's not going to use this as a lecture stick to use against but it's better luck then judgement that he's not done so.

AIBU to be fucking furious about this? I'm an adult I don't expect my ex to be contacted because I don't answer the phone less than 2 hours after speaking to the damn school office. He has nothing to do with school and his number is as an emergency contact

I'd be raging. Write and complain.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

My daughters school office staff act like they are police officers too. I always tell them to stop acting out of their remit and laugh... they hate that. I am passive aggressive with them but really they are so rude the way they speak to parents. They have stopped calling me now.

Phone tomorrow and complain.
Ask if they were that worried why they didn't knock on your door.

Ds has been off since last Friday with a chest infection & Flu, I took him to out of hours on Sunday, he hasn't been out of bed for more than 2 hours ever since, he isn't eating & all he wants to do is sleep. I sent a copy of a note from the doctors stating what was wrong with him & a copy of his prescription & told them what his oxygen levels were, I'm fully expecting EWO knocking at the door any day now. They don't understand that children sometimes get too ill to be back at school in a couple of days.

Complain, that's out of order.

She has really wound me up, he's messaged me.
'Its a good job I got lectured too or I'd have been moaning about you ignoring them. Ignore the jobsworth'.

On what planet is ringing any adult asking 'Why did that adult you don't live with not answer her phone just now? Why? Why?"
Not crazy?

Breathe Breathe Breathe

It’s standard safeguarding to phone the numbers in sequence if a school hasn’t had a message to say that children will be off, so it sounds like there was a communication blip between whoever you spoke to and EWO. In our school if there was no response from any of the numbers someone would call round and check all was ok. It’s to prevent the “single parent collapsing at home alone with children and nobody knowing about it for days” type scenario.

Was it the actual EWO (who works for the local authority) or someone at the school who monitors attendance?

Usually actual EWO’s are far too busy to deal with this nonsense.

Whoever it was I would strongly complain.

I bet it was a harassed school attendance officer. I’d ring school & try & speak to her. Explain the situation & stress that your ex should only be contacted in an emergency. Ask her to make a note on their system so everyone can see it. Then if they do it again, kick off properly 👍🏽.

Are you sure it was the ewo? The ewo in our areas don't get involved unless attendance drops below 80 %. In our school we have first response calls and then the family liason gets involved before the ewo. What's his attendance like outside this?

Thankfully (in a way) she was way OTT about this and you now don't have a battle with ExH that you don't need!
But I really don't get 1) why they are ringing your exh for a non emergency 2) why the big panic the DC haven't been in school for a few days - especially when you've been in contact with them.

I'd make a note of what was said while its fresh in your head and then make a complaint when you are calmer.

Kick off. Kick off, BIGTIME. I sure would. If you don't kick off, they'll just keep being dicks.

What does she mean "the head won't accept the absence" what's she going to do? drag the poor kids to school. Cheeky bint I would definitely complain.

I can understand a school ringing all numbers if they’re worried about where kids are, etc but if you’d already rung this morning to report sickness this is bonkers. Or even if you hadn’t got round to ringing the fact they’d been off sick the previous day would suggest to most people they’re still poorly and haven’t been abducted en route to school.

And what the heck do they mean the head might not “accept” it? They can not accept it all they want, doesn’t change anything! What did you say to that?

This does sound annoying.

BUT the school has a duty of care to your children. They check in every day because they need to know that you haven’t (choose any of these as genuine issues) absconded from the country with them/been involved in a terrible accident/collapsed at home leaving your children helpless/ taken your child abroad for marriage/FGM etc.

It sounds ridiculous. Obviously these don’t apply to you. But school has to do it because if they do miss a serious safeguarding concern then that’s how situations like Damilola Taylor occur.

They aren’t doing it specifically to annoy or judge you. Everyone gets the same treatment.

That's appalling. Wow, schools are so hot on absences now.

Influenza is a horrible illness and a lot of the time there's nothing anyone can do for it except drink lots of fluids and take painkillers. The school people should know that for goodness sake. It also takes a while to get over and one of you was hospitalised which shows how bad it was.

I'm sorry you've had this harassment and DO WRITE TO COMPLAIN, when you feel well enough.

They don't have to be rude about it, though.

Her title is welfare officer but she told me she's the attendance officer if there's a difference?

No idea what will happen if the head doesn't accept it.

The school office knows what's going on, her office is next to the school office they had the hospital papers emailed to them yesterday so they know it's nothing sinister.

What a monumental waste of time it's been all round, she said attendance is close to 96% for youngest...who is 4 and missed lots following tendon transfer surgery.

Will definitely be asking that he is only contacted in emergencies, he wouldn't know if I'd collapsed anyway.

I would go straight to the head and complain in writing with a full list of events. And I
Am not one of those parents, never bothered the school at all but this is a joke.

Belle I don't think you mean Damilola Taylor; he was stabbed while outside.

But the 4 year old isn't even csa yet...

I always understood the list of contacts to be for contacting someone when the child is ill at school and needs taking home.

I had a friend on mine as second, and she would never have a clue why I wasn't answering the phone on a particular day. On the one occasion she was called, she left me a message, collected DD and kept her until I got home.

Did they call him to ask why you hadn't answered the phone? or did they call him to make sure you were all ok since they didn't realise you'd already contacted the office? I could see how they might argue that they thought it was an emergency if they knew the entire family was ill, one had been in hospital and no-one was answering the phone.

I don't see what the issue is. They rang you and you were not available so they rang the father. How are they supposed to know that he is controlling and abusive. From the lady's perspective her one and only concern is the children. She is not remotely interested in the dynamics of the parents and the various issues surrounding who they should and should not contact. Do you have a restraining order against the father? Are the school aware of this restraining order if it applies? She didn't have to be rude and should remain professional at all times. Also you seem to be believing what the father said 100% even though you admit he is abusive etc.

That's bonkers, especially if he's only four!! When mine had flu (in Year 4) he was completely flattened for seven days, barely out of bed for the first four or five, and not 100% for another week after that. Half his class were off with it all at the same time and we had nothing but sympathy and concern from the school, even though it must have hammered their attendance for that week! Ill children belong at home, not at school, and pressuring them to go back too soon is only going to spread bugs around the class. I know some parents take the piss, but if your child is ill enough to have been hospitalised, the school has no business hounding you, and certainly not hounding your ex because you're not at their beck and call as soon as they ring. I'm not one to make a fuss but I would totally be That Parent over this!

I hope your kids feel better soon.