AIBU EWO rang ex asking why I hadn't answered phone?

[SpinneyHill]

2 DC both been off with a flu bug, DC2 was hospitalised with it for 36 hours and I was advised to wait for fever to go AND then wait a day or 2 to ensure they are well enough (lethargy and painful coughing were the concerns GP raised).

I've contacted the school every day they've been off, today I get an angry msg from the ex as the school welfare office rang him (15min of being lectured he says and I believe him) demanding to know 1)where the kids were and 2) why I hadn't answered my phone or rung them back in the last 40mins(!?). He explained that he had no idea, was at work, knew we had all been ill with Flu and this had included a stay in hospital. He suggested I hadn't heard the phone and then snapped 'i don't know maybe she went to the shop?' when he was questioned again.
This led to "well if the boys are well enough to go to the shop we shall expect them tomorrow"

We are all suffering with it and I'd left mobile in my coat, nothing sinister or untoward about why I hadn't answered. When I rang her she demanded to know where the DC were, claiming the office did not know (this was a lie) and that she's not sure the head will 'accept' the absence. She then interrogated me about shopping if the boys were so ill, I had no idea what she was talking about. She then told me she had questioned my controlling abusive ex about why I hadn't answered my phone as if this was normal.

As it stands he's not going to use this as a lecture stick to use against but it's better luck then judgement that he's not done so.

AIBU to be fucking furious about this? I'm an adult I don't expect my ex to be contacted because I don't answer the phone less than 2 hours after speaking to the damn school office. He has nothing to do with school and his number is as an emergency contact

How on earth did you keep your cool OP? Bloody jobsworths think they are god. I would e-mail the Head and insist on a follow-up meeting once your DCs are back to school. Give them hell.

Isn’t the big issue here not that the father was called but that when he said he didn’t know he was interrogated about why op didn’t answer her phone and his guess was then aggressively parroted back at OP as fact?

School have policies, sure, but ‘don’t be a dick’ should be one of them.

That’s the way I would read it jengr. Absolutely right to complain about that, but a complaint about them contacting him at all isn’t likely to get very far at all.

Time for a meeting with the AO/WO and the head.

1. Common sense says that before contacting a parent, checks should be done on incoming calls and messages. It's called liaison.when your communication with the school is better than their staff communicating with one another IN THE SAME LOCATION, they have a problem. What are they going to do about it?
2. You are under no obligation to answer your phone within a fixed period of time and be lectured like a child for failing to do so within 40 minutes. That is an unreasonable expectation for a parent nursing sick kids/a flu bug themselves. What are they going to do about jumping to conclusions without trying more than once before calling the second person.
3. Before phoning your AEX they should have at least checked to see if you were living together and what the home situation was. No one should share so much wrath over you assumed behaviour unless they know the full facts. Potentially that could have caused a great deal of trouble if your ex had taken it as read. What are they going to do about the staff understanding their pupil's backgrounds better?
4. Officer should have not used her teacher's voice when speaking to grown adults. What are they going to do about her communication skills?
5. This was NOT an emergency and an emergency contact should only be used in an emergency if parent 1 was uncontactable and the child required collection from school. She was just box ticking and should have exercised better judgement. If there were safeguarding concerns, fair enough but you had been in touch daily which she would have known if she communicated better.
6. Fuck their 96%. If the AO cannot tell the difference between those that only have legitimate reported absences and skiving then they need retraining. Check with the office and see why they are off! Ask them to do their homework before commenting about their precious 96% targets to parents of genuinely sick kids.
7. Exercising that level of arrogance about the importance of whether the head would "allow" it when you take points 1 to 6 above into account is another example of just how far this self important jobsworth has stepped over the line. Ask them how they think they could improve their wheat from chaff recognition.

Do it face to face. Makes notes of their answers. Use your eyebrows to speak volumes. It is time for you to be the cool, calm adult and them to explain themselves.

Let it go. She's prob having a shit day. You have no right to tell them not to ring the father, if he has joint parental custody. Perhaps you were last in a long line of people on holidays in term time, and she was just sick of people lying to her (and she picked on the only ill family). She's got your sick note, she prob wont' bother you again. She knows she was in the wrong and if she does it again, then call it out. I don' tthink there's any point in fighting with the school office if your kid is 4yrs and going to be there for a long long time. Try to nicely talk it through with her, when you're better and flag up why your message wasn't received - whichi is the problem here.

The real issue is the way schools monitor and deal with attendance. It is all about percentages and there seems to be no common sense allowed. DD suffered with her a really nasty stomach bug at the beginning of this school year. I contacted school and explained that she had been vomiting and suffering from diarrhoea all night and this had continued. She had a really high temp and continued to need the loo every 10 minutes. The response was to send her in and they would give her a toilet pass. My response was that as an adult I would not be physically able to drag myself into work and I doubted school staff would either. It was the second week in the school year so her attendance dipped below 95%. Obviously this meant attendance staff called to the house.

DD usually has 100% and in fact the first time this was not the case was to attend her father's funeral. She was mighty pissed off that year when she was left out of '100 % club'. In her words 'it was not my fault my dad died'.

I work in child protection and over the years have worked with attendance that has reached single figures. This is such a huge waste of school resources just to to avoid a bad Ofsted report. Children sometimes get ill and those with chronic conditions are continously penalised because of the incentives schools put in place for 100% attendance. Surely this is some level of discrimination for children with long term illness or parents who are unable or unwilling to get them to school?

The way to get this addressed proprely and not have it swept under the carpet is to write a letter of complaint to the school governers.

By all means go ahead but I can't see her facing reprecussions because she telephoned the contact numbers on file and didn't contact another section of the school first.

If this school has a system whereby parents phone another number to report absences, surely it should be standard practice to check messages on the other number before you start contacting parents of absent children? Apart from anything else, it will save you several calls.

Let it go. She's prob having a shit day.

Not an excuse for someone in that job to be so rude.

She should not have been rude but this will have been why:

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2017/jun/08/boy-4-died-alone-in-hackney-flat-two-weeks-after-his-mothers-death

Oh come on!

Op had contacted the school everyday, including the day in question!

As soon as you are well enough, track this individual down for a face to face and go through her. I really don’t know who these cunts think they are.

When I was in school the ‘year support workers’ as they were called, would turn up at people’s houses and force them to get dressed and come to school. I presume it still happens now. It really shouldn’t be legal

@Addsverisimilitude oh bloody hell that story is so awful I wish I hadn't read it
In the OP's case though the school have completely gone overboard or had a serious communication breakdown as there was clear information provided regularly from the OP.
OP i hope you've written the email and get an apology. They need to take a good look at their systems.

carolinelucaseshandbag

Sorry.

I was at a presentation where they discussed it and the details were hugely distressing (worse even than the details in that report).

The trouble is that schools and other professionals now feel that if they don't go above and beyond that they will be criticised if something goes wrong in the future.

It's not really necessary to go "above & beyond" is it though-just use some common sense!

In that dreadful link-school were worried, but then it was two weeks before anyone entered the premises?

How did that happen?
Lack of communication again??

@StreetwiseHercules

Calling the woman a cunt just for doing her job is disgusting.

at the end of the day it’s a bloody mistake, all this talk of passive aggressive emails and marching in to school are fucking unwarranted

It would be interesting to know the actual tone the ex used , I would bet he wasn’t friendly , he’s caused most of this by stupidly saying you were shopping (considering we are around the last pay day before Christmas), he could have said you were probably all asleep

Sarahjems
Let it go. She's prob having a shit day.

What utter rubbish and who gives a fuck if she had a bad day? I think the OP has had a bad few days and doesn't need to deal with someone like this.

Ex has contacted school and sent an email requesting that he is ONLY contacted if there is an emergency involving the boys as this was his understanding of what being an emergency contact was and he has a job.

He had to take the call outside his place of work as he was embarrassed by being lectured over his kids 'attendance' while in earshot which I understand and it would have pissed me off too.

I should have said he is not the second contact my brother is, he works about 50m from the school and drives. She didn't contact him only the ex .

I complained in person and filled out a little form, I was polite to the office lady who is lovely, she was also a bit miffed with it as she has to enter all absence phonecalls on system so they can be seen by all staff who need to, as she pointed out there's no reason for her being there if she's ignored by the very people who are supposed to read her entries. She also commented on how close the office is to AOs office and pointed out they have a phone connection!!

I'm guessing it was a bad day as i was behind a Mum who was also complaining after AO telephoned her boss (after not bothering to check the office for a phone call which had been made) because she didn't pick up her mobile. Her boss is not entered as a contact so AO had taken the time to get her bosses number which is an absolute piss take.

I saw an ad for AO recently, they only need experience with children and GCSE level numeracy, literacy. This one seems to think she's a Social worker so I'll be giving her a wide berth, nobody likes a jobsworth.

@Evilspiritgin he repeated that he had no idea why I didn't answer because he was at work he also told her he knew we had flu and he was busy so he would try and get in touch with me.

She phoned him back immediately and continued questioning him which is when he snapped I don't know maybe she went to the shop or the doctor, or something like that.

I don't usually defend him but he works in catering and this was at 115ish so lunch service was on. He didn't have time to be answering 20questions

@SpinneyHill

Ah right , after your update she does seem more of a jobsworth than is usual, fancy ringing someone’s boss

Well, hopefully with 2 complaints about the same thing, (actually, 3 with your ex's complaint too) on the same day, she'll get a proper talking to. A written warning wouldn't go amiss either. (Or if she's had other complaints made about her, dismissal.)

Will the school give you any feedback, to let you know it's been dealt with, and how? An apology wouldn't go amiss either.

When I was in school the ‘year support workers’ as they were called, would turn up at people’s houses and force them to get dressed and come to school. I presume it still happens now. It really shouldn’t be legal

Forcing their way into someone's house without permission definitely isn't legal. I must say, if someone tried that with my children they wouldn't have been allowed over the doorstep.

They have been unprofessional and gone too far I would definitely complain in writing so that the school is aware of her behaviour