To think he's being quite rude?

[tiredmum1875]

Our first child is coming up to 7 months, I saved my own money up from when we started planning for baby to ensure I'd have enough to cover my half of the household finically during my maternity leave.

Since LO was born I've done every single night feed and 99% of nappies, feeds, all the baths, things like tummy time, weaning etc. All me. He comes home, picks baby up for 3-4 minutes and then says "LO wants you" (even though LO is perfectly happy, he just is bored), then eats his dinner which is always ready for him and then sits on his behind watching whatever he wants on the tv until he falls to sleep.

So, I do all the household bits (shopping, cleaning, cooking, bills, bins, etc), as I did before LO was born and I was working full time, and I do everything for baby.

He doesn't even wash up his own stuff if he makes himself food on his days off (which he doesn't spend with us as it's his day off and he needs rest!).

Tonight, he's told me that I do nothing for him, it's my duty to take care of everything for the house and the baby because he's working.

Now, I am loving mat leave and more than happy doing everything for LO, but as I'm sure other parents will agree, sometimes it can be quite lonely and difficult particularly during teething or sleep regression issues. He also doesn't want to talk very much when he gets home as he's been at work all day and is very tired (we've all had bad days where we need a minute but Christ this is every night!).

I just can't believe the cheek of him. I feel like he's been so rude saying I don't do anything for him. I'd like him to imagine a world where there's nothing to wash himself with or dry himself with or WIPE himself with. Where does he think all these things come from?!

Don't get me wrong I understand he's working and I appreciate it, which is why I don't ever ask for help even on the bad nights and why he always has a dinner cooked and clothes washed. He works 8 hours, 5 days a week and the commute is 5-10 mins.

FWIW, no one has ever offered to have LO for an hour whilst I have a bath or an hours sleep in the 7 months they've been born, so whilst I understand he might need a day off, does it not occur to him that perhaps I could do with 5 mins?!
He says I shouldn't moan about anything because I'm so lucky to spend my time with LO - I'm not complaining about the baby in any way, more than happy spending my time with them and I know how lucky I am but part of me is thinking what's going to happen when I go back to work? How am I going to manage all of this with no help from him? I'm exhausted now already!

AIBU to think he's just being a super lazy ungrateful sod or has he got a point?

[NearlyGranny]

Understand that you will never get 'closure' from him acknowledging he has been a rotten partner and father. Write down what he did for yourself (in case he tries love bombing or hoovering you back with promises of a rosy future) and to show others, but responding to his messages and opening a dialogue is just going to trap you in a swamp of his making.

Save your energy and let your family member deal. I would send a weekly bulletin about the DC's health and progress via family member's email so he knows his messages are being better and overseen. Have family member protect you from the content that does not concern DC directly. You can divert his emails to junk without looking or change your email address. I'd block him on your phone and everywhere else and refuse calls from unknown numbers and friend requests from unknown people.

If intermediaries tell you he's ill/suicidal/homeless ignore. He will probably try to recruit your family member so fond someone else at the first sign of softening on his part.

[NearlyGranny]

Messages are being vetted, not better! Autocorrect. 🤷

[Isleepinahedgefund]

Well done for getting out.

I had a child with a man like this, and my life and finances improved 100% after I kicked him out. Your description of his behaviour is uncanny.

I remember being very confused about what had happened and how I, as an independent and intelligent woman, had ended up in this situation A friend lent me the freedom programme book and when I read the “king of the castle” profile it all started to fall into place for me. It’s a pattern of abuse that most people wouldn’t recognise as being abuse.

I think having a child will always reveal a man like this, but it can be much harder to spot beforehand. It often starts in pregnancy too, and it’s not until you look back on it you realise how it crept up.

[Thornhill58]

You have been incredibly brave. I can't believe his behaviour. What did expect you to do? To be at home and take care of him without expecting you to want something in return? You wanted a partner not a moody entitled man child.
It's so predictable his response. You can leave but you aren't taking my child. Like they want to take care of the kids. They don't they just want to punish you.
Well done you. I'm glad you have people around you that can support you.
Best of luck and stay strong.

[andpancakesforbreakfast]

So, I do all the household bits (shopping, cleaning, cooking, bills, bins, etc), as I did before LO was born and I was working full time

why, oh why would anyone stay with someone if they are not happy about that.

I wouldn't.

Having a baby will only make things worst.

[ellendegeneres]

I was reading this thread before and just come back to it, how are you doing op?

[Motoko]

@tiredmum1875 are you coming back? How are things?