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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want 19 year old daughter to get car on pcp

53 replies

Applepea1 · 26/11/2019 14:51

So my daughter who rejected her place at university this year, works as a hairdresser junior and has a car now wants to get a newer car with personal credit. Amazingly she can as if she doesn't pay I suppose they just reclaim the car. She's refused to pay any rent which caused no end of arguments but is now paying her car insurance (already £80 monthly) and her phone herself. She's hardly here and doesn't eat much so I gave up on that one. Anyway she says the car will help her be more responsible with money as at the moment she's just spending it on nothing. (takeaway food, alcohol and drugs mainly) I've told her I don't think it's a good idea, especially as she says she still wants to go to university next year (but I can't see it happening) but I can never stop her doing anything and as she keeps saying she's an adult she can do what she likes. She now is getting excited about the new cars and wants me to go with her to look. Her car did cost over £500 to get through the Mot this year so I accept that may be a drama waiting to happen. My partner is not her dad and is very disapproving of this and everything she's done recently.

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 26/11/2019 14:53

she's 19 - its up to her what she does with her money isn't it.

I would be charging her board and I wouldn't take no for an answer, though.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 26/11/2019 14:55

I would be charging her board too,even if it's a minimal amount.

Purpleartichoke · 26/11/2019 14:55

Adults who aren’t in school pay rent. I’d start there. If she doesn’t want to pay you, she can face the reality of finding her own place.

adaline · 26/11/2019 14:56

It's not really your choice though, is it? At 19 she's an adult and can spend her wages on what she wants.

However if she won't pay rent, she can move out. Let's see if she can run a car on a PCP agreement when she has rent, bills, council tax and food to pay for every month.

Turt · 26/11/2019 14:57

What is it about PCP you're unsure of? I will be able to help with any questions you may have regarding it.

I bought my first car on PCP back when I was 19 and it did help with my independence and maintenance costs as they usually can factor in a service plan so the only cost will be for fuel and tax.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/11/2019 14:59

All you can do is talk her through the pros and cons. After that it's on her - including if it all goes tits up.

she keeps saying she's an adult she can do what she likes

That includes looking for somewhere else to live... Cheeky mare.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 26/11/2019 15:00

She can do what she likes and you can ask her to leave if she's unwilling to pay rent.

NoSquirrels · 26/11/2019 15:02

She's refused to pay any rent

And you’re not insisting?

Original poster
Applepea1 · 26/11/2019 15:03

@turt, thanks it's not so much the pcp it's that's she's supposed to be saving for uni...!

OP posts:
Original poster
Applepea1 · 26/11/2019 15:05

The rent issue caused no end of tantrums, she's not really very mature.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 26/11/2019 15:08

@Applepea1 it doesn't matter whether she's mature. She's an adult who's earning so she needs to grow up.

Troels · 26/11/2019 15:28

She refuses to py rent, she can go and find somewhere else to live. That will help her learn to deal with her finances.
It'll be a wake up call for her.

adaline · 26/11/2019 15:29

Tell her she has a choice. She can either pay rent at home, or she has two months to find somewhere else to live.

Maybe find some listings online and show her how much she'd be paying elsewhere.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 26/11/2019 15:31

She's 19, and gets her own way by tantrumming? You aren't helping her grow up. She needs to pay rent.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 26/11/2019 15:34

Before she gets the car find out what the monthly payments are and tell her that that's the rent. If she disagrees she can look for other housing.

Jaxhog · 26/11/2019 15:35

she keeps saying she's an adult she can do what she likes.

Apart from paying rent, it seems. I would sort this out first. With regard to the pcp, I doubt you can stop her. But don't encourage it or be persuaded into co-signing for it. This may be a lesson she has to learn the hard way. So don't bail her out either.

JennyK76 · 26/11/2019 15:35

Charge her rent - you can put it aside and that can be her uni savings. If she doesn't go to uni or use it fund other education or training then it goes to you.

gamerchick · 26/11/2019 15:37

I wouldn't be having debt hooked up to my address at that age, not a chance.

She needs to move out first if she won't pay board.

AFairlyHardAvocado · 26/11/2019 15:41

Anyway she says the car will help her be more responsible with money as at the moment she's just spending it on nothing. (takeaway food, alcohol and drugs mainly)

She needs to make a choice and you need to ask her to do so now. Her choices are either A or B.

A. She's an adult and therefore should contribute by paying rent especially if she has enough funds to pay for alcohol and drugs (?!).

OR

B. She's not an adult and therefore doesn't have to pay rent but does need to accept you have a say in her decision making and the ways in which you subsidise her.

She can't have it both ways.

NoSquirrels · 26/11/2019 15:44

Tell her you will be able ‘rent’ from her and give it back to her as uni savings, at an agreed rate. Make it a decent contribution.

You’re doing her no favours otherwise. Will she take the car to uni? She’ll find it hard to afford it as a student.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/11/2019 15:45

What happens when she's spent all her money on takeaways, alcohol and drugs and there isn't enough money in her account for her car payment or insurance?

If she wanted to be responsible and save for university she could do it now without adding to her compulsory outgoings, which if she doesn't pay could damage her credit rating until she is in her mid 20s.

A PCP deal is likely to be a minimum of a 2 year commitment, and probably 3 or 4 years and she won't be able to get out of it without losing a lot of money until near to the end of it. Will she be taking a car to university? Most universities don't have parking, and it's not likely to be available at halls either so when will she use a car?

IHaveBrilloHair · 26/11/2019 15:46

Tell her she's moving out, and if she cant afford that, she cant afford the car.
If she stilI gets the car, then throw her out.

Funnyface1 · 26/11/2019 15:48

If she refuses to pay rent then she moves out. Don't be so soft, you're doing her no favours.

Lucifer666 · 26/11/2019 15:48

Op she's 19 if she wants to make a mistake over the car business thats her choice. As for not paying rent stop being such a door mat! Its your hourse your rules! She uses the heating and hot water I assume? And who does her washing and cooks her meals? If thats you op then she should be paying towards these privledges otherwise tell her she has 4 months to find another place to live if she refuses to pay rent to you and mean it op she will never learn to grow up if you keep giving in to her 🙄

NearlyGranny · 26/11/2019 15:54

Whatever you do, don't go guarantor on anything for her! I think she needs to understand that she can't have a uni place AND the car next year, so she'll not be going to uni or have to lose a shedload of money giving the car back and breaking the contract.

Her choice, but she mustn't link bad credit to your address!