Who is BU with their reasons for possibly moving locations?

[sacred92]

NC for this.

I'm from Manchester, been living in west London for 10 years, met my husband 5 years ago, we are married with a 20 month old dd.

DH has been offered a promotion in Manchester.
I think it's a great decision to take it as here are my reasons.

• I won't feel isolated (I don't socialise with anyone except the tortured weekly visit to his mum and dad, my friends are all working and at different stages and sort of ghosted me since becoming a sahm)

• Dd will have so much family around her, my side, and also dh brother and sister live in Manchester too, so all her cousins are there

• more money, better quality of living etc (we currently live in a 1 bed cluster house with no garden)

• I just think it be a better quality of life.

DH reasons.

• I will miss my mum and dad
• I will miss my best friend (he spends every night with his friend after work (they work together) so I see him for half hour a day.
• I will miss seeing my mum and dad on my day off (the only day off he has, we spend at their house)
• I don't want DD to have a Manchester accent????????
• It's too "villagey"
• London has better opportunities and if you start working when DD goes school then we can afford to buy a house potentially and have a better life down here.
• don't want to get trapped in a life in Manchester?

Can you lovely honest people help me out?

- I don't want DD to have a Manchester accent????????

He really said that? I am presuming you, his wife, has a Manchester accent? That's so rude. (for what it's worth, I prefer a Manchester accent to a London one)

I think he's being selfish and he should give it a go for the sake of you and his DD. His reasons are all very me me me

Neither of you are BU, but I think I side with him a little more. It sounds like he doesn't want to do it, and since it's his offer, I think he gets the final say.

You only see him for half an hour a day? I doubt your opinion carries much weight with him.

Both sides main arguments are reasonable - you want to move closer to your family and friends, he doesn't want to move away from his.

His reasons are very selfish, particularly the seeing his best friend every day bit, how old is he?! It sounds like he's 12 but most 12 year olds wouldn't want to spend their only day off school work with their parents!

@AryaStarkWolf

EXACTLY what I said! I mean mine is probably quite diluted but it was outrageous to here.

@AnathemaPulsifer yeah because he wakes up just in time for work, and by the time he comes home, I'm knackered and it's time for bed, which he says it's me being difficult lol.

@ZigZagIntoTheBlue 29

I will miss my best friend (he spends every night with his friend after work (they work together) so I see him for half hour a day

What did I just read???

@Nanny0gg exactly I couldn't believe it as I was typing it !!

What time does he come home?

He sounds like a prat He's an adult not a child who will miss his mummy. It's Manchester, not Mars.

And he spends every evening with his BFF?

To be honest, from your post it does sound like you would have a great time in Manchester. Without him!

Can you explain more about the seeing his best friend?? When does he finish work, how long does he spend with the friend and what time does he get home?

I can't blame him for not wanting to move somewhere he has previously never expressed any desire to move to. But he sounds an arse to live with .

I'd much rather live in Manchester than London. I'd move and leave DH behind.

I will miss my best friend (he spends every night with his friend after work (they work together) so I see him for half hour a day.

This has me worried. Why on earth does he spend every night with his friend who he works with, leaving only half an hour a day with you? In your shoes I'd be plotting my escape to Manchester without him.

I’ll speak on behalf of the people of Manchester, who really don’t want a snobby southerner with a cockney accent who finds our accent so offensive, living here either.

Seriously though all of his reasons for staying are about him and his life, not your lives as a family. He is BU, and a pathetic mummy’s boy.

Your husband sounds like a bit of a snob. Sorry, it was the accent comment!

Manchester is a 2 hour train journey from London nowadays. His parents won't be on the doorstep but it's hardly a good reason to give up a promotion.

The cost of living is substantialy different and it's likely you'll be able to afford much more.

Your list sounds well thought out and full of intelligent reasoning, whereas his just says "me, me, me".

And how is another major city too ‘villagey’?!
Oddball.

I live near Manchester. I don't like it particularly but it def isn't villagy and there are many cultural things to do in terms of theatre etc. It's a bugger to drive to and from though unless you live close to the centre or near a railway.

Wait, what? He spends EVERY NIGHT after work with his friend?!

That seems like more than just a friendship.

Go to Manchester. Without him if he won’t go

I’m really surprised by these responses. Neither of you are BU - your reasons for and against are exactly the same. He wants to be near his people and you want to be near yours. Completely understandable. Framing one of you as right and the other wrong isn’t going to help you discuss this reasonably.

He has a wife and child at home, but he spends every evening with his best friend and his day off with his mum? Wow.

Go to Manchester. Without him if he won’t go

I agree with this. You are barely an extra in his life.

He wants to be near his people and you want to be near yours. Completely understandable.

What about, more money, better quality of life, bigger home..........?

It's a bugger to drive to and from though unless you live close to the centre or near a railway.
This also applies to London.