Who is BU with their reasons for possibly moving locations?

[sacred92]

NC for this.

I'm from Manchester, been living in west London for 10 years, met my husband 5 years ago, we are married with a 20 month old dd.

DH has been offered a promotion in Manchester.
I think it's a great decision to take it as here are my reasons.

• I won't feel isolated (I don't socialise with anyone except the tortured weekly visit to his mum and dad, my friends are all working and at different stages and sort of ghosted me since becoming a sahm)

• Dd will have so much family around her, my side, and also dh brother and sister live in Manchester too, so all her cousins are there

• more money, better quality of living etc (we currently live in a 1 bed cluster house with no garden)

• I just think it be a better quality of life.

DH reasons.

• I will miss my mum and dad
• I will miss my best friend (he spends every night with his friend after work (they work together) so I see him for half hour a day.
• I will miss seeing my mum and dad on my day off (the only day off he has, we spend at their house)
• I don't want DD to have a Manchester accent????????
• It's too "villagey"
• London has better opportunities and if you start working when DD goes school then we can afford to buy a house potentially and have a better life down here.
• don't want to get trapped in a life in Manchester?

Can you lovely honest people help me out?

Tbh, if he doesn't care enough about you to come straight home from work a few nights a week, or spend quality time with you on his day off, your opinion obviously doesn't matter to him.

This has me worried. Why on earth does he spend every night with his friend who he works with, leaving only half an hour a day with you?

And his daughter for that matter. That is simply an obscene way to behave as a husband and parent.

How did you ever find the time to date and procreate with his best fwend schedule? My daft, soft, idiot husband texts me from nights out with his mates telling me he misses me as I happily sprawl on the sofa by myself.

He sounds like he’s 14

Well if you only see him for half an hour a day you won't really miss him if you move back to Manchester yourself. Let him move in with his best friend.

@AryaStarkWolf Lots of people choose London. I’m sure he could argue he has better long term prospects in London. He disagrees with her that doesn’t make him outrageously unreasonable.

The other stuff about them not spending time together seems to have been thrown in randomly. If it was a problem then they should have discussed it before. It doesn’t make him ridiculous to wang to stay near friends and family.

You only see him for half an hour a day, so presumably the same arrangement for your child, because he chooses to spend time with his best friend instead who he's just spent all day with?
I think you should move to Manchester without him, you'd have a great life there.

His relationship with his best friend sounds a little intense for grown men with families, but I guess you must have known about this before you got married. Leaving aside his comments about accents, I can see both points of view. Unfortunately I think he gets the final say though as it is his job promotion that seems to be the deciding factor. Have you talked about moving back to Manchester with him before this opportunity came up, and if so did he ever appear keen?

TBH sounds like the best thing all round if you move to Manchester. Your Husband can concentrate more on spending time with his young family rather than his mate !!!

Your child will see daddy more and so will you.

I do understand the accent thing to a certain extent, my parents moved us from a city with a very distinguishable accent, they thought one bonus to that would be we didn't have the accent they did.

Why did he apply for the promotion?

I think I'd be tempted to move back to Manchester regardless of if he came or not. I doubt he would be bothered about you or his child since he puts his best friend (is he 10?) over you both DAILY! Fuck that for a game of soldiers, I've got more respect for myself.

I love Manchester and to worry about it being like a village is something only a Londoner could come up with. But I can't see that either of you have considered how shit the weather is there. It was literally the reason we moved away, but then we did live in a valley north of the city.

Why does he spend every evening with his friend instead of you? He's a tosser. Put your foot down and go to Manchester - at least you will have some company.

He’s in a relationship with his best friend, not you, even if he doesn’t realise it.

If he only sees you for half an hour all day and you spend his only day off at his DPs then when dues he spend quality time with his child?

Besides having someone to keep the bed warm I doubt his life would materially change if you and dc move to Manchester without him.

If you move to Manchester without him, he can spend all his time with his best friend and his parents. And your quality of life will improve fantastically.

Well, apart from the 'single mum on benefits getting divorced' part, but yeah, fantastic improvement.

Wow, you have bigger problems than this job offer.

I agree with the others, go to Manchester without him. Sounds like it'll be ages before he even realises you've gone, he sees you and his daughter so little.

I imagine you're focusing on arguing "for" the job offer because you are desperate for something to change, but if he's not prioritising you and your daughter now, he probably won't if you move either.

I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation and I hope it improves for you.

I moved to Manchester (from Bristol) so my daughter could grow up knowing her cousins (two sets of two in the north west), because I never knew mine as a child. I think cousins plus the rest of one side of the family trump the other set of grandparents.

Plus the rest of the stuff about housing etc.

Personally I preferred Bristol (I'm not keen on cities, and it's smaller and greener) to Manchester, but if I'd been moving from London I wouldn't have hesitated.

You’re in London now so unfortunately if he refuses to move there’s not much you can do. You could move alone but I think he’d be able to stop you taking your DD away if he disagrees. I agree with PPs that he sounds utterly detached from your marriage and his family, that’s the main problem. He sees a friend every day after work instead of coming home to his family?! That’s really not normal.

He’s still a child OP. If the DC and hop foot it to Manchester, but that’s probably not much help

To me, your reasons for staying or going sound very similar. (I'm ignoring the ridiculous accent reason!)

you want to be closer to your family, he doesn't want to be far away from his as he'll miss them

You feel isolated, he will likely feel isolated being away from his friend.

The way you have written his reasons, make his sound daft, but they are pretty much the reasons you have given for wanting to move.

So in that, I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. But it does sound like he doesn't have a great social/home life balance if he only spends half an hour with you.

he may not get a prohibited order for Manchester provided OP shows willing to meet halfway at least for access visits though she could be expected to do the whole journey as she moved away
however I do not think you could get from Manchester to London in 2 hours on a friday night, you might do 2 hours going back Sunday afternoon
however if OP said if they split she can't afford to live in London and needs to be near her parents / live with them it might be OK especially as child not in school yet, I would love to see a Judges face about the avoidance of manchester accent!!!

Why is he spending so much time with his friend instead of coming home and parenting his child?

I would simply look to see where your dc would get the best education.

What time does he get home and what time do you go to bed? This makes a big difference to the 'only 1/2 hr a day'

@helpfulperson he comes home around 23:30 sometimes 00:00 and I go to bed from between 00-1am