To expect my children to get up and go to school?

[staceyflack]

How do other people get their kids off to school in the morning, on time without lots of aggro? My children 12 & 14 are so bloody resistent, it's a daily battle that is giving me (and them) huge stress. I feel I've tried everything... kindness, cajoling, shouting, rewards, threats and its still shit. All advise gratefully received. Thanks.

What are the consequences of being late? Can you let them be late a few times? It might be unpleasant enough for them to not want to be late in future?

Why dont they want to go to school? Too lazy to get up on time or genuinely dislike school for some reason?

Pan of ice cold water over each, 10 minutes after wake up time.

What punishments are there. Have you tried with-holding money, lifts, wi-fi, phones etc?

and yes, to the cold water. Also, where's their dad? Whats he doing to help?

If ds doesn't get up when he should it must be because he is tired so he must need an earlier bedtime. He knows I think getting enough sleep is important on school nights, I will follow through and he'll have an earlier bedtime for a while, so he gets up.

What time are they going to bed?

Is it because they don’t like school?

Or just dislike getting up?

Would they worry about being late?

If so i’d stop getting them up and cajoling them. Tell them to set an alarm and sort themselves out.

Best thing I ever did with DC1 was put him in charge of his own timekeeping. Lot less stress for me. He is very rule abiding and would hate to be late or in trouble,

I hated getting up at that time when I was in school. The dark mornings made me feel utterly exhausted.

What helped was having a lamp on ten or fifteen minutes before I had to be out of bed. Much more natural than being woken by a loud alarm (still puts me in a bad mood to this day!) or nagging.

Try a sun lamp in each room and see if that helps. You can get them for £20 or so on amazon now. Or put the lights on in their rooms ~15 mins before getting up time.

Don't throw water on them ffs.

What time do they have to get up?

It is worth bearing in mind that teenagers are programmed to want stay up late and get up late, it is biological rather than just laziness. Also getting up in the winter is tough for many adults with dark mornings.

Now that’s not to say that getting up for school is option, of course it is not. But I would suggest try to get your head into the space that this isn’t easy for them rather than assuming they are lazy/difficult.

On a practical level there are alarm clocks (eg Lumea) where a light slowly comes on for say 20 mins before you have to get up an basically mimic sunrise. I find it much easier to get up with one of these than without.

YANBU to wish you had dc that just pootled through their teens without going through this stage.
YAB pretty unreasonable to expect it.

There is biological evidence that teens body clock shifts.
One more part of parenting is to help them get to school on time when they go through this stage - whichever way you want to try.

Tell them they can choose, in advance, one day to take off each month. Element of freedom helps stop them feeling so trapped and rebellious.

If they've had their day off that month, turn the hose on them if they go 20 min past their alarm time.

And be glad you haven't raised morons who enjoy their jail time at least xD

My parents just didn’t make me go. I’m not sure that works with everyone though.

Tell them they can choose, in advance, one day to take off each month. Element of freedom helps stop them feeling so trapped and rebellious.

So around 90% school attendance from the off. Yup, that will help. 🙄

We just have a schedule. Up at 630 for breakfast. Bathroom 640. Downstairs dressed and ready at 7. 705 leave.

No wiggle room, it's just what has to be done.

Are You removing their devices from them on a night time? Are they staying up late causing no motivation on a morning?

I have 2 boys the same age, they are not allowed any electronic devices (including phones) till they have ate, washed brushed their teeth and dressed. Works for us, Its amazing how quick they do stuff when they want to check instagram.

Tell them they can choose, in advance, one day to take off each month. Element of freedom helps stop them feeling so trapped and rebellious.

As long as it's on a Saturday or Sunday.
I'm happy to pop round with the saucepan

Some people just aren’t morning people and will find it hard to get up early, I certainly find it hard getting up and I know I drove my mum mad when I was in school when she tried getting me out of bed. And do not throw water over them ffs, if my mum had if done that I would have lay on in bed in defiance but I was quite a stubborn teenager. Have they each got their own alarm (alarm clock, Alexa or phone) to set, let them choose the time and see if the time they choose gives them enough time to get ready and get out, giving them the choice might help. Are they going to sleep (not bed as they could go to bed but not sleep, I still do this) very late? Talk to them about it, teenagers love feeling like their a grown up, ask them what they think might help mornings easier. If you’ve tried shouting and threats it abviously doesn’t work.

Do people really, seriously chuck pans of cold water over their teenagers if they oversleep? That's disgusting. What a vile excuse for parenting.

Well its certainly a way to make sure they wash 🤷‍♀️

Internet off at a set time repeat alarms but do not get into the habit of chivvying them along get an old phone and set alarms on it my old phone talked with the time so you get a reminder if all else fails they are late for school and take the punishment my daughter had two choices get up and catch the bus or walk and be late no taxi and no lift off me

95% actually.

And I find it finny that ppl have a problem with a little cold water yet not with abandoning their child for half of their life in a cesspit of bullying, indoctrination and general suffering.

Do not chuck water on them, that's vicious.

As pp said you need to understand why.

Poor understanding of impact? (Head in the clouds!)
Hate school? Being bullied?
Physically struggling to wake up?

I always struggled to get up as a teen during winter, I needed more sleep than siblings so an earlier bedtime and a small lamp turned on 10min before my alarm sorted the problem out. I used to literally feel a headache when I woke up at 7am during my teen years, the jolt from deep sleep & darkness to bright light and having to get out of bed immediately was a slam to my senses.

My older 2 are similar ages and they are fine. It's the younger 2 (aged 5 and 6) I struggle with. They struggle to dress themselves in school uniform because of the shirt buttons and ties, one needs medication in the morning, both need night time nappies sorting and neither want to go to school anyway. It's a daily battle.

How are they in general around the house? If they are otherwise doing their bit towards the household and their own organising then maybe go easy on them in the morning.

If they're just being lazy arses then let them face the consequences. They're old enough.

My 10yo is in yr6 and by his temperament I can tell it's going to be a struggle when he moves to secondary in Sept. I'm trying to get him to take responsibility for what he needs to do now, while we still have wiggle room (it's a 10 min walk to school, I work from home so can be back up for forgotten things).

Good old How to Talk so Kids will listen might work:
Sit them down. You individually write a list of what the problem is.
And then a list of the possible solutions. Then discuss.