To expect my children to get up and go to school?

[staceyflack]

How do other people get their kids off to school in the morning, on time without lots of aggro? My children 12 & 14 are so bloody resistent, it's a daily battle that is giving me (and them) huge stress. I feel I've tried everything... kindness, cajoling, shouting, rewards, threats and its still shit. All advise gratefully received. Thanks.

It's not up to the school to parent your kids, up to YOU to teach them to be responsible and be on time in the morning.

Yes, I've taught them that. And now, as a result, as I said in my post: "They get up at the right time, dress themselves, feed themselves, pack their own bags."

If they decide not to be at school on time then they will reap the consequences from the school.

They can do it, most of it is that you have to expect them to and make it their responsibility.

This. My kids do it because I expect them to. However, I gradually set them up in small steps from when they got to year 6. So alarms on, then check in the morning they are up (if not, put light on). Get dressed (showered night before). Then make their own breakfast. Brush teeth/hair. Bag packed night before.

I've even listed it out as a schedule with the time next to it - that helped them both (but mostly done for DD who has ASD).

They have never been late.

HoldMyLobster
I did see that you seem to believe it's an achievement for a 16 year old to dress themselves, feed themselves and pack their bags, I did find that very odd

I find getting everything ready the night before helps .

Get clothes out , bag packed etc .

I have asked my Ds how he wants his morning to go and have a plan .

My 12 year old knows that if she doesn't get up and get ready for school on time I will assume she is too tired so will bring her bedtime forward half an hour.
Phones, tv, lights off half an hour early was not something she enjoyed! Now she actually chooses to gets up earlier so she can relax a bit more in the mornings and if she is tired, her going slow won't make her late.

My children get a lunch time detention if they are late for school. It depends how good they are getting up, but they are worse in the winter and I don't blame them.
Luckily for me it's my husband who has to get them up as I'm at work by then but now he wakes them up, then 10 minutes later checks they're up then leaves them to it. If they are late then they're late!

Mine was responsible for getting himself up and ready from age 11. He was late for school about 3-4 times (we both work, and went out early).

My mother always gave us the 10 minute warning.
Occasionally we heard the water going into the pan, but we never got water on us.
It taught my sister and I to get up on time for school and then for work.

A day off as an incentive - wtf!

Secondary aged children should be at least a little responsible for themselves.

DS has a Philips hue bulb which is programmed to come on about 10 minutes before he needs to get up. Then a loud knocking on the door after his alarm goes off. He has chores in the morning - setting and clearing the table.

Can you sit down and agree a new routine with them - if they can't keep to it there'll be consequences such as screens removed earlier, no screen time after school, earlier bed time etc.?

You need an excitable dog that will sit on you and whine, bark and jump until you shift your arse glares sideways at excitable beagle

I did see that you seem to believe it's an achievement for a 16 year old to dress themselves, feed themselves and pack their bags, I did find that very odd

I do not think it's an achievement and nowhere did I say so. My point was actually that it's entirely normal for a 16 year old and a 14 year old to be able to do this.

Any more little snipes for me?

HoldMyLobster

you did ask if I had read your post, I replied and explained why I didnt comment further on all its content when I first replied!
It's so beyond normal for a 14 and 16 year old to do it that it's very weird to even mention it! its' like saying your own husband can get himself dressed and ready

Most 5 years old can grabbed their own uniform, pack their own little school bag and get themselves ready in the morning!

I have had that ridiculous advise of chuck a pan of water over them

Yea, coz a soaked mattress would help wouldn't it ?

It's so beyond normal for a 14 and 16 year old to do it that it's very weird to even mention it! its' like saying your own husband can get himself dressed and ready

Er OK - apparently you're determined to argue with things I had no intention of actually implying. There you go. That's the internet for you.

sorry I have absolutely no idea what you wanted to imply or not, I am just replying to what you actually wrote.

There's a reason why I ignored most of your post in my very first reply, I didn't really want to go into an argument.

Tell them they can choose, in advance, one day to take off each month. Element of freedom helps stop them feeling so trapped and rebellious.

This has got to be the worst advice I've ever read on mumsnet.

I find when my DC go through patches of being disorganized it helps if I get up earlier and crash about the house. They don't want/need my help but they like the solidarity.

In our house there is no debate. DD is 14.

Up at 6:30, dressed and downstairs by 6:45. Breakfast, hair done face and teeth cleaned and ready to leave by 7:15.

I think your problem perhaps is bigger than "I don't want to get up and go to school"

In France the consequences of being late even at 3 or 4 are punishments for the kids. Mine are like sheep dogs in the morning herding us out the door. But....it works.

They have to learn otherwise they’ll end up in the workplace being bloody useless about time keeping. My place of work is flexible with start times from 7-10. Ive had new grads that sauntered in after
10 because it was so hard to wake up. They have all been bollocked and told to sort it out. Obviously your children are much younger but for some people, mornings will always be a struggle and at some point, you do just have to suck it up and crack on. I’d have thought it would be better to get used to the consequences of being late at school rather than in the workplace.

What would happen if you didn't keep yelling at them? Presumably they'd get up and go? Or just be late once or twice?

My teens get themselves up and out of the house. I go up and wake people up, but that's mostly to get the younger children up.

I think you need to pull back - they can take responsbility for getting to school themselves.

sorry I have absolutely no idea what you wanted to imply or not, I am just replying to what you actually wrote.

You're only quoting little bits of my posts rather than whole sentences, and replying to those, so it's not really surprising you're replying to things I had no intention of meaning. Still, that's the internet for you.

Everything ready night before.
Buy alarm clock for each and put on opposite side of their bedroom.
No phone or iPads etc after 8pm.
Wake quarter of an hour earlier for every five minutes they are late for school.
Play classical music to get them out of the house swiftly.

That said, they are exactly the age that many youngsters find getting up and switching on hard. My younger ones used to really struggle to be on the bus at 6:50am. Worse in winter as it’s still dark. The oldest always bounced out singing. If they aren't actually late, just sluggish, then let it go (assuming behaviours and achievements ok once they are awake). It’s infuriating to watch the dullard grumping around the kitchen whilst deciding whether to eat or not. It’s better to ignore it.

yes, it's the internet, people comment on what you actually WROTE, not what you thought you might mean

Maybe re-read your actual post...