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AIBU?

To take his money?

73 replies

rararaspberry · 25/11/2019 08:33

My dad is pretty well off. He has offered us a lot of money (more than DH and I would earn in 2 years) for our house deposit. We were planning to buy a house anyway but this would a)let us get a bigger property so that we have a spare room and big garden and in a nicer area with better schools and b) have a smaller mortgage than we would have had and over a shorter term.

There are no conditions on this - he won't expect anything back or to be able to drop in whenever he wants (he lives far away and is always welcome to come and stay anyway).

This would really make a difference to our lives. We have been debating having child no.2 but are dithering because it might mean that money would be tight (but manageable) for a few years and the kids would have to share a room. He can very easily afford this and wants to do it. I know that my grandparents helped him a lot when we were growing up and I'd hope to be able to do this with my own children.

Would you take the money? and if not, why not?

OP posts:
Peony99 · 25/11/2019 08:35

Absolutely!

Assuming there's no complicated background, he's your dad, he loved you, and he wants to make life easier for you.

Why struggle if you don't have to?

TyrionsNextWife · 25/11/2019 08:36

It sounds like there’s no strings attached, and it’s a case of a father wanting to help his daughter - I’d definitely accept his help in these circumstances. If he’s genuinely trying to just do a nice thing then go for it Smile

weaselwords · 25/11/2019 08:37

You’d do the same for your own children, wouldn’t you? He feels that way about you. Let him help you and his grandchildren.

CleanAndPaidFor · 25/11/2019 08:39

Sounds lovely. You'll be also building towards a legacy that will help your children too. I hope to be able to help my children in the same way my mum and dad helped me. It's good to understand that you are privileged- but that doesn't mean you can't accept it.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 25/11/2019 08:40

You'll get a slew of people who will tell you how they were given money that had invisible strings. Only you know your family. It sounds like a very kind offer from your dad.

Do be sensible about the legalities though. Any tax implications for significant monetary gifts? Impact on any benefits? Ensure that the house ownership reserves this proportion for you (in case the worst happens, as presumably your dad really means it for you).

Windygate · 25/11/2019 08:41

I'd encourage your DF and indeed you to take financial advice from someone like a wealth assets specialist. There are implications around gifting such a huge sum of money. Your DF might need to consider some form of trust even a blood line trust to protect him, you and your DC. Sorry if I sound negative but you never know what's round the corner. Your DF might become unwell and need care and his gift could be declared an intentional deprivation of assets. Same for you in years to come.

It's a wonderful gesture, just do your homework first.

Shookethtothecore · 25/11/2019 08:42

My parents did this for us. The money has been given to help is now, whilst they are here to see us enjoy it and my inheritance will be less, I’m absolutely fine with it, the big house means that we have lovely family celebrations in it with them. I intend to do the same for my children. I think it’s far nicer than inheritance after their death

TheTrollFairy · 25/11/2019 08:45

I would.
From what I have learnt from parents around me passing away is that they want to be able to help their children and see them enjoy the money and know it has been able to help them. Plus, if he lives for x amount of years after he gifts you the money you won’t need to pay inheritance tax on the money.

TiddyTid · 25/11/2019 08:48

Yes you should. He wants to see you more comfortable and he's probably doing some sensible tax planning as well so you're helping each other Wink

mynameiscalypso · 25/11/2019 08:54

My parents did this for me and my brother (separately). There were and are no strings attached and no implications of any sort. It has had no impact on them - they still have plenty of money to enjoy their retirement and do whatever they want - but it means that we were both able to jump further up the property ladder than we would otherwise. Their view was that it was silly for them to have more more than they could spend and watch us struggle financially. The only thing to consider is what what happen if you and DH split (sorry to sound mercenary!)

theemmadilemma · 25/11/2019 08:55

Unless there's a massive drip feed coming I would.

Like PP said, these days parent know how hard it is and often want to give their children as much 'inheritance' as they can while alive to watch their children flourish.

The only to be aware of I think is the 7 year rule: www.gov.uk/inheritance-tax/gifts

AlwaysCheddar · 25/11/2019 08:55

Of course, do it!!

Sotiredofthislife · 25/11/2019 08:58

Be aware of inheritance tax implications and particularly be aware of what could happen if he needs care in the not too distant future (or even distant future) as if it is classed as deprivation of assets, you will be liable for making up the difference or providing care yourself.

Bluerussian · 25/11/2019 09:00

That's a lovely, no strings offer from your dad. I would take it and later on you'll be able to help your children similarly.

Blue5238 · 25/11/2019 09:02

Yes, and I did.
And now put money aside so as to be able to do the same for my kids.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 25/11/2019 09:04

If there are no strings attached, and he can apparently afford it quite easily, why on earth wouldn't you take it? Many parents want to help their children, particularly given that houses are relatively so much more expensive than when they were (presumably) at the same stage.

Longfacenow · 25/11/2019 09:05

Assuming you have a positive relationship and he is being kind then in principle yes BUT get legal advice on the implications here re wealth/asset management and inheritance. Sometimes a generous gift has legal strings!

IdblowJonSnow · 25/11/2019 09:06

Yes, absolutely take it!
How nice! Smile

YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/11/2019 09:07

Be aware of inheritance tax implications and particularly be aware of what could happen if he needs care in the not too distant future (or even distant future) as if it is classed as deprivation of assets, you will be liable for making up the difference or providing care yourself

This, sadly.

runoutofideasnow · 25/11/2019 09:09

Why would you not take it? I don't understand why you're even questioning it.

MrsCasares · 25/11/2019 09:10

We did similar for our dd. It was no strings attached. She would have received the money eventually anyway iyswim, but by giving her some of her inheritance early we could see her enjoy it.

Yanbu to accept this gift from your df.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 25/11/2019 09:10

If there's no issues with your DF and it's definitely no strings attached then take it.

FIL recently had a massive windfall and decided to give us and DH's siblings families the vast majority of it. It means we are all virtually mortgage free and have managed to get stuff done to our houses that was desperately needed. He was lovely about it afterwards saying he knew he didn't need to put strings on as he knew precisely how we'd all spend it, and to him it's about giving his GC better starts in life (plus he says any of his dc could out perform him in their careers and never get anything like the schemes he was able to get onto). He was also clear that there's more than enough money left over should the unfortunate happen to cover inheritance tax.

Bee1511 · 25/11/2019 09:15

If your father can afford than absolutely. My parents have never been in the position to help me. Not even with small things. They are terrible with money and I kinda feel pushed aside because my younger siblings get everything now they are better off (but still terrible with money).

In laws have helped us out greatly. I don’t expect it but I really do appreciate. They helped us buy our house (was short of £3000) and helped us with a car. Amongst smaller things. We are forever grateful.

I’d like to think I will be able to help out my own children when they are older.

Ragwort · 25/11/2019 09:15

Yes, and I have in the same circumstances (made sure any gifts were equal to what my siblings were given).

But do check the legalities very carefully and, sorry to sound harsh, as PP mentioned, what would happen if you and DH split?

Also, is your DH happy to accept the gift, sometimes it can be hard for the other spouse if their own parents are not in the same position to give a generous financial gift and they may end up feeling (rightly or wrongly) ‘beholden’ to the ILs.

So long as you all have an honest and open discussion about it, then it is a very kind gesture of your DF.

rararaspberry · 25/11/2019 09:16

Thanks for the advice everyone. Inheritance tax is all taken care of (long story that I wont go into but it is all legit!) and if DF needs care he is more than covered for that - the money really is a drop in the ocean to him.

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