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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take his money?

73 replies

rararaspberry · 25/11/2019 08:33

My dad is pretty well off. He has offered us a lot of money (more than DH and I would earn in 2 years) for our house deposit. We were planning to buy a house anyway but this would a)let us get a bigger property so that we have a spare room and big garden and in a nicer area with better schools and b) have a smaller mortgage than we would have had and over a shorter term.

There are no conditions on this - he won't expect anything back or to be able to drop in whenever he wants (he lives far away and is always welcome to come and stay anyway).

This would really make a difference to our lives. We have been debating having child no.2 but are dithering because it might mean that money would be tight (but manageable) for a few years and the kids would have to share a room. He can very easily afford this and wants to do it. I know that my grandparents helped him a lot when we were growing up and I'd hope to be able to do this with my own children.

Would you take the money? and if not, why not?

OP posts:

Genevieva · 25/11/2019 09:18

If someone does not have serious health problems that are a burden on the state then there are no implications with regards to deprivation of assets. As it sounds as if he has considerable assets apart from this money that he wants to give to you, we can assume he is not dependent on social care provided by the state, so the gift would not be deemed to be a deliberate deprivation of assets, even if he became unwell suddenly tomorrow.

If the gift-giver (your father) dies within 7 years then his estate would have to declare the gift and it would be subject to inheritance tax (reduced year on year by taper relief). However, you would not incur that bill - his residual estate would pay it.

As such, I think you can accept the gift without worrying.

RustyBear · 25/11/2019 09:28

Your mortgage lender may ask for a letter from your dad to confirm that the money is a gift, not a loan and that he will have no financial interest in the house

AJPTaylor · 25/11/2019 09:29

Why wouldn't you? It will give you a leg up and good for you. I bet he would rather you have it now than in hopefully many years time in his will.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/11/2019 09:32

Fuck yes! What a lovely dad you have

Longfacenow · 25/11/2019 09:39

Why are you even questioning this then if you know legally you are covered and you have a great relationship with no strings here?

Is there a reason you've come to MN to decide?

What is making you think twice given you know it is a genuine legit offer from your loving dad?!?!

bridgetreilly · 25/11/2019 09:41

There don't seem to be any down sides to this. I don't really understand why you're asking about it.

Interestedwoman · 25/11/2019 09:41

Yep- he wants to help you out. It's not uncommon at all nowadays for parents to help with a deposit etc- mine did for my sister (I'm not in a position to buy as I'm disabled and unable to work, but they've always helped me- bought white goods for my council flat, carpet, paid for flat to be repainted for my 40th etc, courses for me to have repeated failed attempts at careers- there's something every year, it's embarrassing!)

My sister getting fairly one-off help towards buying a house was very normal in comparison!) You wouldn't be doing anything unusual. Go for it and best wishes xxx

8Iris8 · 25/11/2019 09:50

My parents have helped us out loads - I don't understand why you are even questioning your dad's offer. I hope to be able to do the same for my children in the future :)

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 25/11/2019 09:57

It's lovely of your Dad and maybe he's thinking you could have DC2 (his next Grandchild ) sooner if the house purchase is settled .

And yes , it sounds like he's thankful for the help his parents gave him and is passing this on .

Weepingwillows12 · 25/11/2019 10:01

Why are you questioning this? What are you worried about?

Weepingwillows12 · 25/11/2019 10:03

Sorry to be clear, am genuinely asking a question there, not applying some sort of "for gods sake" type mutterings to it like it appeared when I reread it!

Emeraldshamrock · 25/11/2019 10:06

Take it if he is genuine. You know your Dad best.
You could do the same with your DC in the future. ❤
I couldn't take off my Dad as he'd use it against me at every opportunity.
It is great you have a nice Dad to help, except it, enjoy baby no 2.

Ragwort · 25/11/2019 10:09

I think the OP is right to question it and ask others if there might be something she hasn’t thought about, as I said earlier, my parents are financially very comfortable and generous, however it hasn’t always been easy for my DH to accept large gifts, his family were never in the same position to offer financial help.

Obviously every family is different, how does your DH feel about this OP?

Longfacenow · 25/11/2019 10:10

I also didn't mean to come across as I might have.

I was thinking that OP has already investigated it legally and answered her own question. So I was wondering if there was something else on her mind?

PoppyFleur · 25/11/2019 10:12

Yes I would absolutely take the money.

Just as you would do anything for your child, your dad feels the same for you. DH and I plan to do the same for our child when he is older. Nothing will bring me as much joy and comfort as knowing my child is set up and ok.

AJPTaylor · 25/11/2019 10:16

Maybe questioning this is a sign of spending too much time on Mumsnet

WorraLiberty · 25/11/2019 10:18

You've described an absolutely perfect scenario, OP.

The only 'snag' someone came up with (re tax and care) you have a perfect solution for.

So what exactly is making you question this?

It can't even be a 'moral' thing as you said your grandparents helped your parents do the same thing.

AJPTaylor · 25/11/2019 10:26

And actually it may be money inherited from your grandparents so a very good use of it!

PrettyPurse · 25/11/2019 10:28

It's probably "Mumsnet" making @rararaspberry question the offer as we only hear the negative experiences people have.... so the seeds of doubt have crept in when there doesn't need to be any in this particular situation

BrassTactical · 25/11/2019 10:29

Yes and have, I’m going to be mortgage free because of loving parents and I know how lucky that makes me.

I’d do the same for my kids if I can when it comes to it.

Lllot5 · 25/11/2019 10:34

Take the money. I only wish I could do the same for mine.

PlasticPatty · 25/11/2019 10:35

Protect his investment in case of your marriage ending, so that his input goes to you before a split of assets.

asIlayfrying · 25/11/2019 10:35

I don't see why not - if I have that kind of money when my kids are older I would love to help them buy a house, it would make me happy to know that they were living in a comfortable home. It's very kind and generous of him.

M3lon · 25/11/2019 10:36

yep -also done it and negotiated the inheritance issues.

It changed the upbringing we could give our DD.

whatsinthebagwhatcoulditbe · 25/11/2019 10:39

I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't do this. Your dad sounds lovely!

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