To take his money?

[rararaspberry]

My dad is pretty well off. He has offered us a lot of money (more than DH and I would earn in 2 years) for our house deposit. We were planning to buy a house anyway but this would a)let us get a bigger property so that we have a spare room and big garden and in a nicer area with better schools and b) have a smaller mortgage than we would have had and over a shorter term.

There are no conditions on this - he won't expect anything back or to be able to drop in whenever he wants (he lives far away and is always welcome to come and stay anyway).

This would really make a difference to our lives. We have been debating having child no.2 but are dithering because it might mean that money would be tight (but manageable) for a few years and the kids would have to share a room. He can very easily afford this and wants to do it. I know that my grandparents helped him a lot when we were growing up and I'd hope to be able to do this with my own children.

Would you take the money? and if not, why not?

I’d accept in a heartbeat.

I assume OP you have also covered legal side of protecting your dad's money if you and DH split up?

In principle I'd always rather do stuff for myself, but you know him and we don't, so if it works for you all that's lovely

But you've presumably got some reason to hesitate or you wouldn't have asked, so before making any decisions I'd dig deep to address what that reason is

why the hell wouldn't you take it I'm confused ?

Lucky you op. I would accept graciously!!

Of course I'd take it... we did in fact. We're just about to take some more too. Why not?

Thanks everyone. DH also happy to take the money but is leaving it up to me. If we split up he would need to buy a house too to give our children somewhere to live when with him so I'm happy to just split the equity in the house for 2 deposits on smaller houses. He does earn more than I do (although this might not be the case in the future depending on how our careers go!) and has never once suggested anything other than putting all of our money into one family pot.

On the bare facts - why not? Assuming, you have no siblings who aren't getting similar treatment and you accepting the cash will not cause family discord, crack on.

I don’t see why you wouldn’t.

Yes if your dad wants to give it to you and it will make your lives easier then do take it.

What a lovely dad you have! Take it he wouldn't have offered if he didn't want to x

This feels rather like a stealth boast?

Ignore stormtrader.

Yes, of course you should accept the money. You all sound like a very happy and close family (makes a change on Mumsnet ) .

It will give your dad a lot of pleasure to be able to help you out.

and if DF needs care he is more than covered for that

Do you know how much care costs and what your dad has sat in the bank/tied up in property? I live in one of the cheaper areas of the UK but good care for my mum cost us over £40K a year. Poor care would have cost around £25k. The issue to consider is whether or not your dad may need care imminently - his age, lifestyle factors etc. would help you decide this. The authorities can - and indeed do - dig very deep into finances should it get to the point where they are expected to fork out because your dad no longer has the cash to do that.

I genuinely don't mean to be the voice of doom. My own mum gave me a small fortune when I needed it about 12 years ago and I don't know what I would have done without it. However, we were very clear at that point that there were no health issues that would likely have led to her needing care. 10 years later she needed care due to dementia. The dementia seemingly happened overnight. If you dad is late 70s rather than 60s, you could find you have a problem if there is less money for care than you realise.

Protect it in case of divorce.

Think about how happy you'd be to split that money in half if he left for someone else ... with their own money and you had a tiny house and he and new partner had full size home - and he then paid stat minimum child maintenance.

Be careful.

Absolutely yes!

Pics, I have thought about what would happen if he left me but with half the equity and half our savings I would be able to get a pretty decent mortgage on my salary. I hope that wont happen as we have a lovely relationship but I also know nothing in life is guaranteed.

If he had an affair you may feel quite differently about your dad's money going into his new home with the OW! There is no downside to accepting the money from what you have said. Just the need to protect it.

I would also protect it simply as you don't know what the future holds. I have the exact scenario where my XH is now living with the OW and the thought of my dad funding that would be a bitter pill to swallow.

Even if it is protected ...but you have an amicable split... you can still go against the protection and go 50/50.

Also, as much as I'm sure it's unlikely.... but if your DH developed an addiction and you split, would you really want him to have half still.

I would but I would be very careful if you and dh split up in the future then this help would be classed as matrimonial money and split between you.

Hey dad to take some legal advice about how to protect it in the event of you splitting up

If you are asking I think there must be something that does not feel quite right about this. I would not have to ask opinions because I would assume that it was typical for parents to help their kids in this way. The fact that you are asking means that you probably don’t trust it is truly with no strings.

Your very lucky. I would accept on the condition that I take dad in if and when he is unable to look after himself x