To think it is important to be legally married

[SweetSally]

I wonder why so many couples are against marriage? Many would say it's a piece of paper...when it's not. Why can't people see the benefits of marriage?

Many would say it's waste of money - is it really? One thing is getting married and another thing is splashing cash on a grand wedding...

I welcome your views (and please let's be nice to each other and accept everyone's opinion)

Please vote - is it important to be legally married?

I agree with you

It's important to me

I don't believe in the concept of marriage and having reviewed the supposed benefits, they don't outweigh the negatives for me. I assume that'll be the same for others who choose not to get married.

It's important to be legally married for financial reasons. Also, if a man doesn't want to commit to marriage, how can you think he'll commit to being a father? The 'children first' thing always puzzles me.

It is important that I am NOT married. I love my partner very, very much and I don’t want or need the government involved in my relationship with him. We both own our own properties, we don’t have children together and I earn 3x what he earns. I can only see (potential) negatives to being married.

What would the positives be?

Why have you posted this twice, OP?

It only really matters to the lower earning person.

It's of no benefit to the higher earner, particulalry if you're a woman and the primary carer already.

I wish I hadn't been I ended up losing a lot of money in the divorce. It's a good safety net for dependant partners but it's not one size fits all.

It was important to me to be married before we committed to having children together. People say having children is a bigger commitment but I disagree as so many seem to walk away too easily .

Why were two threads necessary?

I think it is important if you have children because that is where partners really throw their lot in with another.

It is not necessarily important to be legally married.

It is extremely important to know the differences between marriage and cohabitation, and make an active choice about what you want and why.

@Singlenotsingle

Oh have I? There was a problem with the website when I clicked on "post" and it all crashed saying "too many people are trying to use this website now. We are trying to deal with it"... :) So I posted it again

I think marriage is important. But I would say that, having been married to my best friend for 28 years.

@meditrina

I completely agree. Very well said

I got married to my now DH the night before a major operation to remove cancer. We had been together for 20 yrs and had 4 DC but when we realised the tax implications by us not being married in the event he died we got married within 24 hrs of his OP. I didn’t need the legal wranglings with his flat he rents out or his pension or his share in the house. Thankfully he is at home and not dying but his diagnosis was a wake up call. He does earn more than me but I have my own pension and work full time .

For me it was important. Aside from financial protection which on here seems to be key, it protects the children should one parent die (I know this can be arranged for unmarried couples but how many do). Also if you're not married you're classed as 'single' which also causes issues should anything happen to a partner.
Having said that I completely understand why two people without children would chose not to get married.
I think the whole children are a bigger commitment is said to make people feel better.

I wouldn't have had children without getting married first

DH and I got officially married for legal and financial reasons only.

1. Married tax allowance
2. No death duty
3. Parental responsibility (this has changed)

We had a wedding as a celebration of our love (🤮 but you know what I mean!).

As meditrina says, knowing the difference is key.

For me being married makes no difference at all, in the sense that married couples aren't superior or full of wisdom. I loved my husband and it was important to me to have the same surname, so we got married. It pissed all his family off too, so that was a bonus, but here we are 10 years later.

I do always find it strange when a couple who have been together for years get married and suddenly crumble though. But I guess there no way of knowing if there was problems there before.

I don't see why it's that important if I'm honest. We have in depth, tailored financial protection through up to date wills, life insurance cover, and our assets are all shared equally. My partner and I are both completely non religious, so opposed to the whole religious aspect of marriage. From my perspective, marriage can seem like a way of gaining control and ownership over another person, I'm not sure what it proves, and what part it would play in our relationship. I don't need to prove my love to my partner, and neither does he, neither to eachother, or anyone else. We love eachother unconditionally, have been together 18 years, and have 2 children. Marriage wouldn't change anything for us, so seems rather pointless. I'm always pleased for friends who get engaged and married, and we attend their ceremonies and weddings, and are genuinely happy for them as it is obviously an important aspect to other people's relationships. Just not for us. I won't ever judge any of my friends for deciding to get married, and I'd hope they wouldn't judge us for deciding not to. We are perfectly content as we are, as we always have been, and a piece of paper wouldn't change anything for us.

I'm not religious but I believe in marriage. It is a commitment and makes your legal status much easier if anything happens. I object to people objecting to married people having more rights, if you want them then get married! It doesn't have to be religious, grand or flashy, its a contract.

YANBU. I have friends who are unmarried SAHM and I worry for them. I wish women knew the rights they have when married, it would help in the not-unlikely event that their OH fucks off leaving her and the kids

I would never have children outside of marriage.

But marriage doesn't benefit everyone, so it's important to do your research either way.

But I would say if marriage is important to you, don't have children until you're married.

Marriage is important to me, for the reasons you said and more. Can't wait to marry my fiancé! We don't want a big wedding, just to be husband and wife.