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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The word "me" exists and it is not impolite or uneducated to use it in its proper context.

188 replies

UnaCorda · 24/11/2019 17:59

AIBU?

OP posts:
UnaCorda · 24/11/2019 19:16

No problem with 'me' or 'I' as long as they're used correctly.
I can understand people finding 'who' and 'whom' a problem but me and I are easy to use.

Although they're both predicated on which case is being used (accusative/nominative/dative, etc.).

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 24/11/2019 19:18

"Everything alright for yourselves?" is my restaurant bête noire.
I, you, he/she = subject; the person doing the verb
me, you, him/her = object; the person the verb is being done to
myself etc. = reflexive
Some people get confused when there is more than one person as the indirect object, but if you try it as a singular it is clear: "He gave it to Robbie and I/me [?]" >> "He gave it to me". We recognise "He gave it to I" sounds wrong as soon as we get rid of the other object.
The overuse of reflexives is a bizarre contagion of hypercorrection I think, it is totally wrong and sounds tortured to me at least.

PuzzledObserver · 24/11/2019 19:25

Well yes, of course. But it's a different (grammatical) case, innit?

Indeed it is. Or, should I say, sure ‘nuff.

For @BestOption :-

My kids and I are going to the park. I don’t like to go by myself, I only go when they can come with me.

When we are there, I’ll buy icecream for them, but I don’t eat it myself. Please don’t give me any. In fact, don’t get any presents for DH and me, we prefer to concentrate on the kids.

Owzat?

GunpowderGelatine · 24/11/2019 19:27

Haha YANBU OP and I don't think the I/me rule is that hard to grasp

Downwind · 24/11/2019 19:36

Where do we stand on the film title 'The King and I'?

CoalTit · 24/11/2019 19:37

I thought you Y were BU for not explaining what you're talking about, but everyone seems to know what you mean.
Is the following any help to anyone?

"I" is a subject pronoun and "me" is an object pronoun. Most people have no trouble with it until there is another subject or another obect added to the sentence.
"I went shopping." No problem there.
"My daughter and I went shopping." Now you get lots of confusion and people saying "My daughter and me went shopping" or "Me and my daughter went shopping", though they'd never say "Me went shopping", so they do understand how to use subject and object pronouns.

"She bought me a present." No problem.
"She bought my husband and me a present." Lots of confusion. People saying "she bought my husband and I a present" because they have a vague idea that it's wrong to say "me" but they're not sure why. But they'd never say "She bought I a present".

UnaCorda · 24/11/2019 19:55

Where do we stand on the film title 'The King and I'?

We stand very carefully I should imagine, because iirc commoners must position themselves to be lower than the King of Siam at all times.

OP posts:
Doubleraspberry · 24/11/2019 20:22

‘The King and I’ makes total sense. That’s where I stand!

taketotheskye · 24/11/2019 20:23

yanbu

Hecateh · 24/11/2019 20:26

I first heard the 'myself' 'yourself' being used incorrectly back in the late 80s. It was one person at work and I cringed hearing her on the phone. 'Well if yourself can send it to myself today then we can sort it out'. Back then she was the only person I had ever heard do it.

It is becoming increasingly common in my experience.

Doubleraspberry · 24/11/2019 20:30

It’s endemic. I actually think the word ME might disappear!

isitxmasyet · 24/11/2019 20:31

You are being patronising, snobbish and an arse

I have a higher level degree and all grade As at O and A level and I haven’t a clue when it’s me or I. I don’t even understand from your examples. Have tried and failed so I have assumed that I can still be a decent person and get it wrong so I won’t worry too much.

I’m quite sure you aren’t actually perfect in every way OP so maybe stop.

origamiwarrior · 24/11/2019 20:38

Are there any rules for the correct order of names when using 'me'?

Is it: Please cc me and Billy in your email to Jill

or is it: Please cc Billy and me in your email to Jill.

??

I would instinctively write the first, but I'm interested if there is a rule.

Doubleraspberry · 24/11/2019 20:47

‘Me’ or ‘I’ always comes last. Always.

@isitxmasyet I can’t see why you can’t understand the many examples on this thread of the difference between me and I? It is really, really not complicated. I’m sure you automatically use the right one when you talk about yourself (unless you are dragging ‘myself’ into it).

We say I when we talk about ourselves as the primary object - I went to the cinema, I like flowers, I will be late.

We say me when we are having something done to us, or for us, or given to us, or with us. He went to the cinema with me, he gave flowers to me, he told me he will be late.

We pretty much all know this, although people are using myself instead of me for whatever reasons.

So we just add in another person or group to I or me. It doesn’t need to be overthought. People get anxious and think they need to avoid ‘me’.

taketotheskye · 24/11/2019 20:52

*You are being patronising, snobbish and an arse

I have a higher level degree and all grade As at O and A level and I haven’t a clue when it’s me or I. I don’t even understand from your examples. Have tried and failed so I have assumed that I can still be a decent person and get it wrong so I won’t worry too much.*

Getting me and I mixed up is one thing. Replacing both with 'myself' makes myselves' teeth itch.

Twospaniels · 24/11/2019 21:05

Myself and yourself drive me nuts.

I am a medical secretary and when typing up clinicians letters I always correct it and put me and you where appropriate. Unfortunately the letters don’t have to be checked by the author and so they are usually never aware of the correction.

SheOfManyNames · 24/11/2019 21:29

*You are being patronising, snobbish and an arse

I have a higher level degree and all grade As at O and A level and I haven’t a clue when it’s me or I. I don’t even understand from your examples. Have tried and failed so I have assumed that I can still be a decent person and get it wrong so I won’t worry too much.

I’m quite sure you aren’t actually perfect in every way OP so maybe stop.*

Nobody really cares if you say "Billy and me" instead of "Billy and I"
If you say "Billy and myself" then you are an arse.

UnaCorda · 24/11/2019 21:29

You are being patronising, snobbish and an arse

Are you referring to myself?

OP posts:
NaviSprite · 24/11/2019 21:46

I'm dyslexic with a less than stellar education and I too find the overuse of 'myself' infuriating. The only time I heard the word growing up was when my late Grandfather would say "me, myself and I" when somebody asked him who he was going to the pub with!

I've also noticed an increase of people saying they were pressurised into something rather than pressured, but haven't said anything about it in case I'm wrong and pressurised is correct, maybe you can help me with that one OP as my grasp of language and grammar isn't always the best Grin.

EducatingArti · 24/11/2019 21:54

The one I hate is " He/She is a personal friend"
There are other sorts of friends?

Doubleraspberry · 24/11/2019 21:55

That must be the flipside of a work colleague!

HotSauceCommittee · 24/11/2019 21:57

The common misuse of reflexive pronouns is very common in my place of work, so much so, that I printed out a simple guide and put it on the notice board. One of my colleagues wasn't having it, saying that it's a West Country thing.
It was fun to argue and squabble, but they weren't having it.

taketotheskye · 24/11/2019 22:16

There are other sorts of friends?
Work friends, nct friends, school-run friends, social media friends. Personal friend I'd take to mean someone you're friends with because you like and know them, and not 'friends' because you move in the same circles. I have many 'friends', but few 'personal friends'.

Doubleraspberry · 24/11/2019 22:18

You’re describing acquaintances rather than friends, surely? All my friends are friends because I know and like them, however I know them.

Trinighana · 24/11/2019 22:24

🙄