AIBU to be this low about being 40? And to ask for positive stories please

[DianeWhatcock]

I turned 40 the other day and I am not remotely coping with it.

seeing 40 on my cards honestly made me feel sick. I remember my mum turning 40, I was 18 and 40 just seemed absolutely ancient and now that's how I look to younger people. Its scary how fast it has come to me, I still feel about 25 inside ...if I actually felt 40 it might be easier?

I cry often and just feel so low. Every day I wake up in a panic that that is another day gone like my life is just going by in a flash. My life is good, I am healthy physically, I have a DH who loves me and 3 children who I just adore. I have my own house (well a mortgage) and no real money worries.

10 years ago I was skint, on benefits, had 2 children under 3, no job or any prospects and was about to get kicked out of my private rental yet I would go back there in a heartbeat. Because despite all that I was happy as larry, I still had that youthful optimism and excitement. In fact until fairly recently I used to wake up happy and excited, now I just wake up tearful feeling dread. I don't even want sex with DH anymore because I don't feel sexy. I am terrified of the menopause cos that will be next.

I don't want to feel like this, I really want to be happy again and make the most of my life again. So I am hoping for a kick up the bum and for posters to tell me that being 40 is ok. Sorry for rambling woe is me post

I’m going to be 60 soon. Count your blessings.

Take up zumba!!

It does sound to me that you are struggling with depression. It's not normal to be in tears before the day has even begun.

I really think that a trip to the GP is warranted here; don't say too much about the 40 thing, but tell them about your crying and your general feeling of dislocation. There is help.

Agree with @BitofFun. Those saying not to go to the doctor, honestly, I don’t think this is the right advice. Look, I have all kinds of things I could say to try to “force” you to have perspective about turning 40, OP (about illness, and lost loved ones, and second chances, etc). But seriously, remove the “40” bit of the equation and think about what you’re saying - you’re crying constantly, you’ve lost joy in your normal activities, your sex drive is gone, you feel incredibly lost. It’s like reading the laundry list for depression. A friend who is a psychologist once gave me great advice which was that sometimes it’s a situation that causes you to feel depressed... but you are still depressed and you need to deal with that. So unless you feel that you can suddenly give your head a wobble and wake up tomorrow and be over it, I think it would be totally worth it to see your GP and tell him that you’re struggling with where you are in life right now. It doesn’t mean you necessarily have to take medication. Maybe you need some short-term counseling to help you deal with this or maybe you just need a plan of action. But it sounds like if you could just “think” your way out of it, you would have already done so (I hope).

Though if I’m wrong and perspective would help, just do let me know and I’ll knock your fucking socks off with it

Thanks @BitOfFun and @RightYesButNo I know it's not normal how I'm feeling. I think it's more than just turning 40. I've been depressed before and actually been on tablets for it and I actually feel worse now than I have at those times

@septembersunshine that is inspirational 🙌🏻

And to all the other posters, thank you for your replies and sorry I've not replied directly x

I dreaded it too but at 45 now, honestly the 40s have been the best decade yet. In every respect. I wake up far more hopeful than I used to. Hang in there.