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Looked at on tube journey?!

95 replies

dottiedodah · 24/11/2019 15:59

Dont know what to think really .On day out in London. DH standing by the door on tube train. I have a seat . Youngish Chap a few seats opposite side to me keeps looking at me, feeling nonplussed as in my 50s ! Any thoughts?!

OP posts:
MistyCloud · 24/11/2019 17:08


There is a very real possibility that this young bloke didn't even notice you at all, and he was just daydreaming.

On the rare occasion that a man is hitting on/chatting up someone old enough to be their mother, they are probably doing it for as a dare (that their mates challenged them to!)

Very few men will go for a woman old enough to be their mother - unless there's something in for them.

I know that sounds a bit harsh/catty (sorry,) but it's pretty much true.

I would be VERY suspicious if some bloke a generation or more younger than me was 'eyeing me up,' like he fancied me. I would think WTF is wrong with him? It never happens though. And I doubt it happens to many other women.

I mean, much younger men may glance, look, or even appear to stare, but in the vast majority of cases, it's not because they fancy the woman. Not when she is older than his parents.

This man didn't fancy you OP. Sorry to disappoint you.

And before anyone says 'oooh, you sound a bit jealous mistycloud!' Grin Behave yourself! Grin There is nothing to be jealous of. Wink

dottiedodah · 24/11/2019 17:13

Zilla 1 you are too kind . But thank you ,as I really dont feel able to be a Nan to a 20 something!

OP posts:
blueshoes · 24/11/2019 17:14

Was he looking in a sustained way which indicated he was waiting to make eye contact or just looking generally in your direction from time to time.

The former is quite forward and (sexually) aggressive. I would not put that down to romantic interest but more a con artist or abusive type who thinks all older women must fall at his feet because they are starved of attention and he is a hot younger male. He might be enjoying a power trip or a cock lodger-in-waiting. I never engage.

On a train in London, no one should ever look generally in the direction of the seat opposite them with focused eyes if that seat is occupied. You must either be buried in your phone, reading materials, sleeping or looking vaguely downwards. It is an invasion of privacy. Them's the Rules.

BarbaraofSeville · 24/11/2019 17:15

Don't whatever you do go on the metro in Madrid.

I spent a few days there for work and went out and about when I had a few hours spare and honestly, it felt like everyone was staring at me. I'm very pale, typically English rose in appearance and quite tall, so maybe I looked unusual but it was quite disconcerting.

Aridane · 24/11/2019 17:22

As a northerner, I am totally bewildered by this being a problem

As a Londoner, I a, totally bewildered by this being a problem

joolzfromyork · 24/11/2019 17:25

Dunno why he was looking at you ... but ...

some 8 or 9 years ago I travelled from York (as in username) to Victoria on the train ... which was a shame cos I actually needed to be at Kings X

No worries ... hopped on the Tube

The coach was full without being crowded ... but no available seats anywhere nearby.

So I stood in the space where the doors are (now I didn't - and don't - know or understand the etiquette of riding the tube but figured if I was careful to get out of the way when train stopped , no-one would have cause to be upset)

I very quickly became aware of a young black man staring at me ... he was a walking stereotype ... baseball cap (worn backwards, natch), Bling (oh god, so much bling), horrendously expensive looking trainers etc (in truth, they might have come from Tesco's, i would never know the difference, but this guy just looked 'expensively' put together).

And for reasons I didn't really understand, i felt intimidated ...

And he kept trying to attract my attention, and the more I ignored him, the harder he tried.

I studied the Underground map above his head as tho for an exam. I read every full stop and comma in all the adverts to be seen.

I very carefully avoided making eye contact with this young man.

(now this was a long time ago but I don't think I needed to be on the train for long ... not that many stops between Victoria and Kings X)

After a few minutes of deliberate avoidance of the young man's eye, I kind of forgot what I was doing, and just carelessly looked around ... at which point I found myself looking straight at him ...

and he looked straight at me

eyeball to eyeball

and then ...

he offered me his seat Smile

(I am such a judgemental twat sometimes)

But sorry, I have no idea what was going on with your day ...

dottiedodah · 24/11/2019 17:26

This is not really a problem as such ,Just a general post really .Not sitting directly opposite anyway but a little down to the opposite side .Normally No one looks at anyone whenever I have travelled on the tube ,that was all !

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 24/11/2019 17:27

He's probably wondering why you keep looking at him.


filka · 24/11/2019 17:29

Can't quite work out which TV programme he saw you in

BlueJava · 24/11/2019 17:30

Thats hilarious @lumity!

I was once on the metro in Beijing, it was late and unusually quiet. This guy kept staring at me - i realised i look foreign to him so thought it was that. I felt really uncomfortable when he got up and then sat directly opposite me. He smiled then said in broken English "i practice English?" And we did the whole hello, how are you, where are you from, the weather is cold thing! I was pretty relieved

Slumberly · 24/11/2019 17:36

@nocoolnamesleft As a northerner, I am totally bewildered by this being a problem.

I'm a Londoner (born and bred). It's not. People are friendly on the tube. We look at each other, sometimes we chat.

The idea that it's a horrific thing to look/talk to people on the tube is a steaming pile of horseshit that gets said by people from Newcastle/Middlesborough/Cheshire that spent a weekend in London once and think it's a very witty and knowing observation.

It's crap.

hazell42 · 24/11/2019 17:39

When I was younger I went into an empty waiting room at a train station and sat down, and a man came and sat right next to me, which was odd, I thought. I was trying to read a book, but could feel his eyes on me the whole time.
I was a bit unnerved, so I went and sat on the platform, and he followed me, stood over me and continued to stare at me very intently.
When the train arrived I hung back and waited til he sat down before choosing a seat several rows behind him. The train was packed with football supporters and this was the only carriage available.
At first he didn't notice me, and I was able to observe him doing exactly the same thing to another woman. Then he happened to glance behind him, saw me, and literally knelt on his seat the rest of the journey so that he could stare directly at me.
If that happened today I would have said very loudly, in front of the 50 football supporters, 'Why are you starting at me, you creep'.
But I said nothing. When I got off the train, so did he, and he proceeded to follow me out of the station. Luckily my boyfriend was meeting me, and after I pointed the stalker out to him, the stalker melted away.
All this is to say, that there are some men who seem to get a kick out of making women feel intimidated. Obviously its impossible for us to know if he is one of those or just a daydreamer.
But, if you are in any doubt, my advice is, speak up and challenge him in front of witnesses, and he should either apologise or bugger off
Hope you are ok

mencken · 24/11/2019 17:50

faulty invisibility cloak?

seriously, who worries about this?

dottiedodah · 24/11/2019 17:50

Hazell 42, This! I did feel uncomfortable and felt I was imagining things !

OP posts:
ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 24/11/2019 17:52

Have you been featured on Crimewatch?

Tartyflette · 24/11/2019 18:01

I was on the Tube the other day, took three trains in all, and no less than THREE young men offered me their seats. Sad
Oh well, I needed to rest my aching feet anyway.

hazell42 · 24/11/2019 18:02

Its so difficult in that situation to put your it.
I have thought about that incident so many times over the years and I KNOW that he was getting a kick out of trying to intimidate me, but every time I have told the story, someone has said, well, all the things that PP have said here.
In the end, you have to trust your gut, I think. Better to embarrass someone who is daydreaming than allow a potential stalker to get away with intimidating you.
I often wonder what would have happened if I had had to walk home alone.

Skolkolet · 24/11/2019 18:05

He probably glanced once to check out the snakes in your hair, and then when you stared at him he turned straight to stone and couldn't look away.

dottiedodah · 24/11/2019 18:18

Hazell 42 thank you .This is what I was trying to get over really.Sorry about your experience .

OP posts:
Aridane · 24/11/2019 18:32

Though to be fair, OP, that really wasn't coming across from your opening post

TiddlerontheRoof · 24/11/2019 19:14

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dottiedodah · 24/11/2019 19:16

Aridane Sorry if I wasnt clear .The fact was I felt uncomfortable as he kept looking to one side at me,I wasnt opposite him! I maybe reminded him of someone a GF mum (hopefully not Nan)! but I just wasnt relaxed with the situation really .Have used tube a fair bit ,and everyone seems to avoid eye contact ! Anyway thank you all for your comments ,have to go now to do Supper!

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 24/11/2019 19:21

Tiddler on the roof ,thank you for your comments .I am glad that you have said this as most of my tube journeys have been like this!Is hard to explain really .But while not exactly staring ,every time I looked up from my phone he seemed to be looking at me ! Anyhow I really need to crack on once again thank you all

OP posts:
Slumberly · 24/11/2019 19:25


In 15 years of daily commuting I’ve had literally one experience of “chatting” to a stranger on the tube and that was a woman in her nineties, at which age I reckon all bets are off. Buses are a bit more communal but tube chatting? Just doesn’t happen.

I'm sure commuters don't chat, but I tend to travel at other times. (Self-employed)

I've had plenty of friendly conversations on the tube in my life, and not only when I've been drunk/high. I've complimented people on their clothes/shoes, talked about events we've just been to or are going to, interacted with their kids/they've interacted with mine.

Like I say, it doesn't happen in rush hour for obvious reasons, but outside of those times it happens plenty. I grew up & still live on the Northern Line.

TiddlerontheRoof · 24/11/2019 19:28

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