To not want to holiday with sil?

[Cobblersandhogwash]

Dh's mum died recently.

Sil lives abroad.

Dh wants to go on holiday to theirs next Easter.

I don't want to holiday with them. They're okay for an afternoon. Just not really my cup of tea.

I've suggested to dh he visits them or we take a shorter holiday visiting them but that I don't want our main family holiday being with sil and her family.

He is obviously raw with bereavement and keen to spend more time with his sister. All good - he's welcome to do that. But why do me and the dcs have to as well?

Suggest a week with them as a short family holiday? Then suggest he invite her over for a week (sort out hotel nearby?) and/or some shorter visits by him on his own?

It's important to support him in his grief, but I can understand wanting a separate family holiday where recent bereavement will not overshadow the experience. Perhaps rather than saying your SIL is 'not your cup of tea' - which seems a bit mean given their recent loss - say 'we need to do something for the children where you and SIL will not be reminiscing about the loss of grandma as they'll be upset/ distressed by it,' - which is entirely reasonable and has the added advantage of being entirely true.

I think YABU unless you have a reason to dislike SIL. I needed my siblings when I lost a parent. I think you should all go. Why have you decided you don't want the DC to go either?

Oh the dcs can go if they want. But I think when they realise it'll be their main family holiday, they won't be best pleased.

I think YABU. Your DH needs the support of his family at this time and it would be nice of you to support him too.

This is hardly every year is it? You could plan a holiday in the vicinity and stay at hers for a few days/a week and then stay somewhere else for another week. I think your DH needs your support this year so compromise.

Does she live somewhere you could holiday?

Did you read my post?

I suggested the shorter holiday with her but dh is insisting on the longer two week holiday with her.

You come across as not understanding your husband's grief at all. And I'm sure your children will cope with this being their holiday. If not you both need to think about how entitled your children are.

How old are the DC, what type of holiday do you usually go on, what sort of holiday would it be with SIL?

I think YANBU. He needs to be encouraged to go and visit SIL for several long weekends and yes up to a week with SIL as a holiday is a good compromise.

I think whilst grief stricken 2 weeks of all being together will not be a holiday at all and runs the risk of a big fall out.

+Did you read my post?*

If you’re that ignorant to people in real life, I imagine you’re not her cup of tea either.

Neither of you are right or wrong, you’re simply reading from different pages on this topic.

I don’t know if supporting your partner stretches to sacrificing a fortnight to spend with your sil on his behest. It’s a long time. But maybe other people would do this without question, given the circumstances. No idea.

Would he happily spend a fortnight on holiday with your family in the same set up?

Did you read my post?

Not sure who you are referring to but yes I read your post. I am trying to ascertain if you could spend two weeks with sil but you and dc have some days out by yourselves so you also get a proper holiday.

He's just lost his dm, of course he wants to be with his sister and he wants his family around him as well. It isn't too much to ask in the grand scheme of things.

Why should me and the dcs spend time with them as well? Umm maybe because you’re a frankly who support each other, your husband is grieving maybe put your selfish needs aside for one week? He’s only lost him mum that shouldn’t affect your holiday now should it?

You sound delightful.

He is obviously raw with bereavement and keen to spend more time with his sister. All good - he's welcome to do that. But why do me and the dcs have to as well?

Err, how about because you’re his family and when a member of your immediate family is hurting, everyone is supposed to rally around, put them first for a bit and support them?

Jeez.
Give your head a wobble and support your husband properly.
His mum has died, he lives away from his family and he wants to spend your 2 week family holiday with them.
Sometimes it's not about you.

YABU

You ask why you and the kids should have to be involved in a holiday. It’s called being a supportive wife of your bereaved husband. You sound selfish.

I thought the vows were through sickness and in health?

I think YABU - you only get one mum and your husband just lost his.

My goodness

I said a week is fine.

Under the circumstances YABU. This isn't your DH just suggesting a family holiday, he must feel the need to spend time with his sister, which is fairly understandable. You are coming across as really lacking in compassion here.

I said a week is fine. Ahh, we must have all missed this, posters. Stand down everybody. The OP isn’t unbelievably selfish and unsupportive after all!

YANBU your one week visit and one week holiday suggestion sounds a good plan. If your DH doesn’t like that idea then maybe he could go for a week and you use the rest of your holiday budget on your normal type of holiday.