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AIBU?

Did I overreact at this wedding ?

56 replies

Phoenixxx · 24/11/2019 00:17

A close friend of 20 years' wedding, with a group of female friends we have known since school.
I have been unlucky in love, I try to joke about it but it hurts me inside. I have had a string of bad luck and was abused a few years ago.
A few months ago I was dumped for someone else and i'm still trying to get over it. I said I was going on a date next week and a girl called me a 'serial dater'.

I was a bridesmaid at this wedding and later on she said "What are you going to do with your dress ? Are you going to make it your 'forever a bridesmaid' dress ? You are going to be like that woman in 27 dresses'.
I have only been a bridesmaid once and she was clearly making a dig at me, even though I have never been anything but kind to her, so I ignored it and walked off.
Later on, I was telling another friend about my upcoming date and she (referring to my past) said, "wow, brave" and laughed.
I just went to the toilet and started crying, and asked her why they were making digs as it was really hard to have to go through all that emotional pain.
The girl then started crying and said I had a lot going for me and deserved someone great. I told the girl it wasnt her fault and we had a long chat . I think it all just got too much.

Later on, another friend was very drunk, and started getting bossy. She told me to go and get her a drink, even though she could have easily got it herself. Then she was in one of those moods of shouting "it's your fault !!" whenever anything bad happened. She knocked a drink over with her scarf and blamed me, and I said no, YOU did that. Then she asked me to go and get her a drink again and I told her that I was not her slave and she could get her own. I just hate being spoken to that way even if she was drunk. She looked stunned and then i saw her laughing about me to another friend, and she was really off with me for the rest of the night.

Am I just too touchy/sensitive ? Did I overreact here ?

OP posts:
hookiwooki · 24/11/2019 00:24

YABU because if you make a mockery of your life, you're inviting other people to do the same. Stop taking the piss out of yourself, start treating yourself with some respect and kindness. You deserve better than that Flowers

YANBU because even though you take the piss out of yourself, true friends would recognise that you're in pain. They sound like a bunch of school girl bullies.

angelikacpickles · 24/11/2019 00:24

I think you need new friends.

Italiangreyhound · 24/11/2019 00:56

That sounds really horrible. I think those friends do not sound kind. Make some new friends, and stop making fun of your own life.

I remember being a bridesmaid and feeling very low, I was single and in my thirties, and had not met anyone. A few months later I met my husband, that was over 20 years ago. I really hope that this new date, or another one, will be the one and you will be able to put all this behind you. Thanks

MoltonSilver · 24/11/2019 00:57

I think there was far too much drink at that wedding.

Besidesthepoint · 24/11/2019 01:01

Maybe you should try to make some new, more adult and respectful friends outside of this group. They don't sound supporting or nice. You don't have to officially dump them or anything, just start moving your life away from them.

cheeseislife8 · 24/11/2019 01:08

They sound awful tbh OP and not like true friends at all

BlackCatSleeping · 24/11/2019 01:08

I think sometimes the dynamic with friends we made in our school days can be quite off. You've all known each other since you were children, so sometimes you are still all stuck in that same mind set and the friendships haven't really matured.

I agree with the advice above. Keep working on your self-esteem and getting in the mind set where you don't let people treat you badly and try to make new friendships.

Italiangreyhound · 24/11/2019 01:10

OP "I have been unlucky in love, I try to joke about it but it hurts me inside. " It's just my opinion but people will take their cue of how to treat you, from you.

I overeat and am overweight, I've always tried to make light of it (still getting help for it) and used to actually joke about it. Until someone pointed out it was not good to make jokes at my own expense.

Now I really try not to make fun of myself and can see how destructive it can be.

You were not just unlucky to have had these things happen, especially 'abused a few years ago', I am so sorry Thanks.

These are bad experiences and I hope you have gotten some professional help for the abuse.

Please be kind to yourself. Thanks

OctoberLovers · 24/11/2019 01:11

Christ.... What a lovely wedding.

Are you all 15?!

Italiangreyhound · 24/11/2019 01:11

BlackCatSleeping that's a really good point, you were all kids when you met so maybe some of those old patterns exist.

DioneTheDiabolist · 24/11/2019 01:13

Me too MoltonSilver.Grin

fuzzymoon · 24/11/2019 01:16

Too much alcohol makes drama.

Emeraldshamrock · 24/11/2019 01:16

It sounds like lots of alcohol with the added nightmare of old school friends a recipe for disaster.
Ignore them.
Keep your private life more private.
It is done it can't be changed. Shit happens
Give it a few weeks everyone's memory is probably foggy.
Sorry you had a shit time. Flowers

ovemary · 24/11/2019 01:32

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WantToBeMum · 24/11/2019 01:37

These girls are not your friends. Friends don't behave like this towards each other. Just because you have known each other since school doesn't mean you should keep the friendship up - maybe you have just naturally outgrown these ones. Ignore them, carry on, hold your head high.
Maybe you overreacted a little bit but that's understandable in the circumstances - weddings are emotional anyway, mix in the alcohol and the relationship drama... of course things will spill over.
Enjoy your date next week - whether or not it turns into anything just enjoy the experience.

Catsinthecupboard · 24/11/2019 01:54

Good riddance to bad rubbish to the "friends." They are not friends. They are people you know.

Figure out why You are choosing bad men. It is not them; you keep choosing bad so you need to change that behavior.

Flowers life is what you make it, choose to be more wise (learn how to) with making friendships and relationships (they sound similarly abusive and nasty.)Bear

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/11/2019 02:09

If you take the piss out if yourself you openly invite others to do likewise.

Find a way to work on your self esteem.

IndieTara · 24/11/2019 02:25

You all sound like children

PollyPocketLucyLocket · 24/11/2019 02:29

I'd have been pissed off if my guests had acted like that at my wedding. Shouting and crying and knocking drinks all over the place Confused

What did the bride think of all this? Weren't you supposed to be helpful to her, as the bridesmaid? Hmm

Phoenixxx · 24/11/2019 07:06

I didn't cry at the wedding, I just went to the toilet and did it then and my friend followed me in.
They know it hurts me, I meant I try to laugh about my disastrous dates but i have also talked to them about how it gets me really down so they do know.
And I didn't shout or knock any drinks over-that was my friend who knocked it over with her scarf then shouted that I had done it.

OP posts:
Phoenixxx · 24/11/2019 07:08

I didn't want anyone to know esp the bride, it's her day, but as PPs have said I think my friends just drank too much. (i don't drink at all but I suppose the emotion of weddings can make you feel a certain way) anyway I'll just try and let it blow over

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 24/11/2019 07:08

Sounds like you were all drunk to me too.

Phoenixxx · 24/11/2019 07:09

@bluntness I don't drink and didn't touch a drop.

OP posts:
BlackSwanGreen · 24/11/2019 07:12

Nothing you've described sounds really awful - either your behaviour or anyone else's - just a lot of people being drunk and emotional. I would put this behind you and move on.

Yesmate · 24/11/2019 07:35

OP, your friends sound like dicks. Thank goodness you weren’t drinking too, it would have made it even worse. Hope you have a good day today

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