Did I overreact at this wedding ?

[Phoenixxx]

A close friend of 20 years' wedding, with a group of female friends we have known since school.
I have been unlucky in love, I try to joke about it but it hurts me inside. I have had a string of bad luck and was abused a few years ago.
A few months ago I was dumped for someone else and i'm still trying to get over it. I said I was going on a date next week and a girl called me a 'serial dater'.

I was a bridesmaid at this wedding and later on she said "What are you going to do with your dress ? Are you going to make it your 'forever a bridesmaid' dress ? You are going to be like that woman in 27 dresses'.
I have only been a bridesmaid once and she was clearly making a dig at me, even though I have never been anything but kind to her, so I ignored it and walked off.
Later on, I was telling another friend about my upcoming date and she (referring to my past) said, "wow, brave" and laughed.
I just went to the toilet and started crying, and asked her why they were making digs as it was really hard to have to go through all that emotional pain.
The girl then started crying and said I had a lot going for me and deserved someone great. I told the girl it wasnt her fault and we had a long chat . I think it all just got too much.

Later on, another friend was very drunk, and started getting bossy. She told me to go and get her a drink, even though she could have easily got it herself. Then she was in one of those moods of shouting "it's your fault !!" whenever anything bad happened. She knocked a drink over with her scarf and blamed me, and I said no, YOU did that. Then she asked me to go and get her a drink again and I told her that I was not her slave and she could get her own. I just hate being spoken to that way even if she was drunk. She looked stunned and then i saw her laughing about me to another friend, and she was really off with me for the rest of the night.

Am I just too touchy/sensitive ? Did I overreact here ?

The people making those comments st the wedding to you OP are sad, immature fuckers

BlackCatSleeping because of what's happening in my life - your post has been very helpful to me - I totally agree that school friend dynamics can start off on a wrong footing. Particularly perhaps because we dont chose our school personally. Parents in certain schools can be cliqueyand narrow minded and this can reflect in the children sometimes unless they're able to see things objectively

Sounds like you've had a few knocks in life and what you can do with is to work on your self-esteem. Make it a long term project, it doesn't happen overnight, but it will give you resilience.

Ditch people like this, don't give them headspace.

Give fewer fucks (Good YouTube video on this).

Only say positive or neutral things about yourself. People love to prey on other people's vulnerabilities, human nature. Don't give them the chance.

You sound very young and hypersensitive to things that happen and yes there was too much booze.

@ovemary what is going on with your comment? It started well then looks like you were taken over by a robot...

Your 'friends' drink too much, and you overshare. There is no need to discuss your 'dates' (past or upcoming) with anyone. Looking back, This is only information I used to share with a close female confidate in my youth - it would never have been up for general discussion.
If people are drunk and boorish, go and talk to someone else, rather than hanging round telling everyone that you have a date next week, as if you are trying to justify yourself. You have no need to justify yourself to anyone. Have some pride in yourself and be the better person by refusing to be drawn into juvenile, drunken conversations.

It’s spam whenyoucantrun

Well the only one who might be a friend is the one who sympathised & told you hat you deserve someone great.

The other 2 sound horrible.

Try not to set too much store by the date & just be yourself.

I met my husband at a supermarket when he reached something down for me!

OP put it behind you ..move on and before you start dating again work on yourself and your issues.Only then.I promise you will you find someone you will happily love,respect and make a future with.Not saying there is anything wrong with you in the slightest,I really honestly don;t mean that.But if you are having a series of not right relationships then work on yourself to be able to spot the right relationships.You need to raise the bar and up the standards of what you see in men. Hold back a bit,take time and invest in yourself.Oh and find some new friends too yours sound a right set of pillocks!

It all sounds like a lot of drink fuelled unnecessary drama. Thank goodness you were sober OP, if you’d been drinking too it could have been even worse. I hope the happy couple weren’t aware of all this bickering going on.

I agree with the PPs who have advised not oversharing with this group. Keep your personal life private and only confide in people you can trust.

No you didn't overreact. From my experience I would say ditch friends who get you down keep striving and you're likely to find happiness

Your friends sound like the mean girls in some American teen comedy.

You all sound very immature.

I think you might need new friends.

In the nicest possible way, it sounds like a load of drunken nonsense and I wouldn't dwell on it. They're obviously not friendly drinkers and and not good friends either.

She started crying because she was pulled up on hurting your feelings and being an arse hole, good. !!!!. However. Why were you telling her it wasn’t her fault. Whose fault was it then.

As for the other arse hole. I have no words.

I agree you need new friends

Everyone can say the wrong thing, especially after a couple of drinks, but some of the comments weren't nice. The 27 dresses comment was really mean. It is bullying.

Your friends had far too much to drink and this removes inhibitions so all sorts of unpleasant things were said that they normally wouldn't say.
I absolutely hate situations like that as I don't drink much and as the sober one you end up being the one that remembers everything that was said and is hurt by it. The drunks don't remember.
I avoid situations where groups of friends drink these days. I just can't cope with that kind of behaviour.

However, if they are saying these sort of things to you when they are sober, they aren't good friends and it's time to ditch them and surround yourself with more pleasant people. Also, don't make jokes out of your "disastrous" love life. I know it's maybe your way of dealing with it - but it isn't funny really, especially not as you were in an abusive relationship.

Yeah it was done in private fortunately it didn't cause any scene in public.
They all know about the guy who left for someone else and that I am still struggling with it. I am quite an open book but I think the tactic of only saying positive/neutral things about myself will be good.
Giving an air of confidence will stop people thinking they can have a laugh at me and make little digs.
I agree that some people are just annoying drunks. I didn't shout back at my friend, I just firmly told her why should I go get her drinks etc. I'm not her slave.
The shouting 'it's all your fault !' for everything at someone else is a bullying tactic some people used to do in school, but it isn't funny to be honest.
Anyway I will let it go, it will blow over soon and I'll keep working on my confidence.

Also the '27 dresses' friend who made the comment has never had a relationship before (which I would never comment on and there is nothing wrong with at all) just 1 or 2 short things, so it's interesting she saw herself in a position to make such a dig.

I think you are a being over sensitive.
Dating and being in a relationship seems to be pivotal. I would suggest reading The Rules.
www.amazon.co.uk/Complete-Book-Rules-capturing-Capturing-ebook/dp/B00BS06SQ6/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2RVSXL6CFZE6L&keywords=the+rules&sprefix=The+rules%2Caps%2C158&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1574585344&sr=8-2
Great for someone desperate to get married about how to meet the one. Also tells you how to get self esteem and view past dates as successes - weeding out the unsuitable ones.

You all sound about 12. I think you all need to reassess your priorities and keep your emotions in check

Every comment is in reply to you, I think people don't know how to answer when you tell them about your love life and make self deprecating comments. Think about what would be the right thing to say, or how you'd react? I don't think either of the "serial dater," or "27 dresses," comments are digs, especially if the person saying it has never had a relationship. The first is trying to sound impressed, the second is trying to bond over single ness.

I think you need better boundaries when talking about your love life. You can't be an open book with acquaintances and expect them to know you well enough to provide the replies you are hoping for.

The rest sounds like standard drunk and emotional, none of its that personal.

Yeah maybe that's right. I just tell them about disastrous dates ive been on and that I could write a book about my bad experiences, but I said that it causes me hurt.
I think in the future I'll just say nothing. Maybe she didn't mean to cause offence, it just came across like that.
And yeah the other one was just being an annoying drunk, but I wasnt going to be bossed about.

Stop being constantly self deprecating then. If you're constantly 'joking' about it you think other people will think it's fine to joke about.

Everyone (well, pretty much everyone) could write a book about bad dates, we just don't tell everyone else!

Next time you go on a date and they ask how it went - just smile and wiggle your eyebrows. That's all the information you need. It sounds as though you need someone else to talk to, apart from your old school friends - do you have any 'grown up' friends you could talk to instead?

Stop telling them anything. If they really really push, just say 'still single' and do the eyebrow thing. Maybe they worry that you are having more fun than them, let them worry that!