Aibu to ask what your pets online dating profile would look like?

[nethunsinthatway]

My dog would be:

Handsome chap seeks female for long walks, bottom sniffing and cuddles. Naturally a little needy by nature, I can guarantee that I’ll
Give you lots of attention. Am a bit of a mummy’s boy, but am sure my happy charm (and ability to chase a ball) will win you over.

Now ladies, I may be a little scruffy and ruff round the edges. But I assure you, I’m all pedigree Jug.

I can woo you with a roll in the mud (I do love to drop and roll in a puddle) or share the food I steal from the lady, I have a lovely dog sofa built for two.. come join me

Dog
Small and beautiful, seeks companion. Preferably smaller than a hamster as anything hamster sized or bigger, I freak out at. I am a bit of a hussy with no idea of personal space. I like to shove my tiny slimey tongue up people's nostrils. I also like to sit on my hoomans boobs and shove my arse in her face. She makes loud screechy noises when I do it so she must really love it so you may enjoy it too

Cat 1. Brindle Tortie Female. Age 12. I hate everything and always have, fuck off. Actually feed me first then fuck off. BYE

Cat 2. Small and lithe tuxedo - Age 10, fearless explorer insists you get a close up look at her asshole every day, preferably at least twice. Will shout at your mercilessly until you do, so I hope you like that.

Cat 3. Overweight male hungry tuxedo, age hungry, seeks anyone to feed him anything. Please, for the love of god, they have me on a diet. I am fading. Send help.