Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - son needs surgery, supervisor not replying to request for days off

81 replies

tympanic · 23/11/2019 12:09

Found out yesterday my young son needs urgent surgery next week. Sent my supervisor a text as soon as I knew to ask if he was free to chat. No reply. He’s been emailing colleagues today about work-related issues so emailed the situation to him. Still no reply.

I asked others if he has form for this but am told he usually replies soon after they text/email him.

Obviously I’m stressed. I’m not asking for days off for my enjoyment. AIBU to think this is pretty poor of him and something’s off?

OP posts:
Original poster
tympanic · 23/11/2019 14:48

@Notodontidae I have given him those details. Sorry if this isn’t clear.

OP posts:
Beveren · 23/11/2019 14:51

But in my opinion, anyone in a leadership position is paid more partly because they are supposed to have an iota of care for their employees, to at least say “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he’ll be okay. I’ll have a look at the roster when I’m in next.”

Well, no. On their day off they don't have any obligations. The fact that he's replying to other work-related stuff doesn't change that.

JinglingHellsBells · 23/11/2019 15:51

How do you know he's replying to other colleagues? Are you emailing them today to ask?

How is this person day to day? Are they caring or are they a bit unpleasant? I guess what I'm asking is the no reply out of character or par for the course?

Maybe it's a forgone conclusion and it needs no reply- he's okay about it?

There could be zillions of reasons and TBH I think you are over thinking it all.

Hope your son is okay and best of luck with that.

cricketballs3 · 23/11/2019 16:15

There are often work emails/messages that I will respond to at the weekend but I do have a life and this will take over so whilst I may get an email on a Saturday morning due to shopping/washing/seeing my family things get ignored until I'm actually in work - op given it's your supervisor's day off you really can't expect any response.

I do hope everything goes ok

blueluce85 · 23/11/2019 16:47

I really do hope your son is OK, and I understand that you are stressed.

However, people don't get paid more to work in their time off, they get paid more because of the additional responsibilities and for additional knowledge. How entitled to think they "must" reply in their time off. They can choose to reply to whatever they like in their time off, or not, as the case may be

Notodontidae · 23/11/2019 16:52

@tympanic. Yes my fault, misread it. He should have got back to you, but its tough at the top. Good luck with it.

lljkk · 23/11/2019 20:14

Does he need to verify using computer systems available only at work that you're owed all the time you say you are?

Is there a reason why you can't wait until Monday to talk to him; would you change the surgery date if he said no?

mumwon · 23/11/2019 20:19

maybe he is thinking how to phrase his answer to you & will ring or talk to you directly on Monday

Dubbadubbadumdum · 23/11/2019 23:10

Why aren't you contacting your manager to let them know that your supervisor isn't responding to your urgent issue?

Greysparkles · 23/11/2019 23:35

He probably hasn't even read the email. I bet he will Monday and all will be fine

APerkyPumpkin · 23/11/2019 23:40

What is the usual process to book leave? Just do that.

returnofthecat · 23/11/2019 23:56

@tympanic When I'm on an official non-working day, if I reply to work things, I only reply to the easy ones I can answer straight away.

In your case, I might not reply immediately because 1) I would potentially need to check staffing levels and 2) I would potentially need to check the staff handbook/speak to HR to make sure I was doing the right thing making you take annual leave and that you weren't entitled to any additional paid leave. If answering you would involve a lot of effort, I would try to save it for when I was back in, so I could use my day off and not get sucked into work.

Like I said, I only respond to the things that won't disrupt my free time too much. It would upset me if people began to expect me to drop everything on my non-working days to respond - I'm entitled to a break too. I only dip in as much as I'm able to without it taking over my free time.

I appreciate you're stressed, but it is unreasonable to expect your manager to contact you on his day off. You don't know what he's doing with his day off and he's not under any obligation to let you or the rest of the team know if he's sick, busy or otherwise occupied. I'm sure he'll sort your time off, one way or another.

All the best with your son's surgery next week - hope it goes well.

BlackCatSleeping · 24/11/2019 00:20

Sent my supervisor a text as soon as I knew to ask if he was free to chat.

"Hi supervisor, I'm not sure if you've seen my text but I found out yesterday that my son is having surgery on [date] so I can't come in that day. Sorry for the short notice. Is there anything I can do in advance? I appreciate you're not working today so can we catch up when we are both in next?"

I'm not sure what you send him exactly, but both of these messages sound like you want to speak to him first on Monday. Which might explain why he hasn't mailed you back.

Anyway, good luck with your son's surgery. I hope it goes well.

RightYesButNo · 24/11/2019 00:28

The people I know who answer work emails on the weekends sometimes have some kind of deal with themselves, like they only answer emails related to urgent projects or they only answer emails in regard to currently open business or... as a way to ensure it doesn’t swallow their entire weekend. It’s possible that he doesn’t consider any leave request, unless it’s for the following Monday, as something that requires a “weekend” response.

Also, I would agree with @BlackCatSleeping, that those could both be construed, especially “when we’re both in next,” as talking about it on Monday, so he may already have mentally filed it, forgotten about it, and moved on.

Alvinne · 24/11/2019 01:06

You are being completely unreasonable to expect him to reply on his day off.
People suggesting you email him again and cc his manager are being even more unreasonable and this wouldn't reflect well on you.
I appreciate you are stressed but I'm sure he will sort this out for you on his next working day.
Hope all goes well with the operation.

JinglingHellsBells · 24/11/2019 08:21

@tympanic How do you know he's been emailing colleagues? Are you cc'd in these or have you been emailing colleagues to see if he's online/ working? On the face of it, it looks a bit remiss of him but there's so much here that we don't know to put your question in context.

For example, you may have a very junior role and it's no big deal if you need time off, so he's not rushing to reply.

You may have a snr role, so he has to consult other people first to find cover for you.

Without knowing what your job is and the line of reporting, it's really impossible to get any perspective on all of this.

Bottom line is, you will take leave as either holiday, unpaid leave, or compassionate leave , unless you have to rearrange your child's op.
So there is no point agonising over it all.

Your boss may be offhand, which I agree is not polite or professional on the face of it, but again, we have no idea what's going on.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 24/11/2019 10:22

in my opinion, anyone in a leadership position is paid more partly because they are supposed to have an iota of care for their employees, to at least say “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he’ll be okay But where does that end? I get paid slightly more than the people I manage but nowhere near enough to be on call 24/7. In this situation I'd leave it til Monday so I could sort things out, notify the directors etc. Also, there's no need to reply urgently because nobody of sound mind would expect you to come in anyway.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 24/11/2019 10:33

I think he’s being a twat. I work part time, l always answer emails on my day off.

And that kind of email needs an urgent response. If he’s answering others, then he is choosing not to answer yours for whatever reason. And that’s just mean given the circumstances.

I’d go above him and ask his boss. If he isn’t available due to not working in a specific day, then you have no option.

JinglingHellsBells · 24/11/2019 13:11

I work part time, l always answer emails on my day off.

Why? Doesn't mean that's right.

Is your position so important you can't have a day free?

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 24/11/2019 13:29

No not at all. Just some thing might be important

adaline · 24/11/2019 13:39

in my opinion, anyone in a leadership position is paid more partly because they are supposed to have an iota of care for their employees, to at least say “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he’ll be okay"

I'm in a leadership role but that doesn't mean I'm paid to work on my days off. I work five days a week - anything that happens on my days off can wait until I get back. If it's urgent, there are other members of management who can solve the problem. There's no need for people to be contacting me about work-related issues when I'm on my day off.

I take on that additional responsibility when I'm at work - not in my free time.

saraclara · 24/11/2019 13:39

Is the weekend. It's his day off. FFS lane him alone. And for goodness sake don't phone him or complain to his own manager.

It's ridiculous that people are expected to respond to non urgent emails 24/7. If the choose to, then they're entitled to pick and choose which they respond to.
You sound panicky and massively entitled, OP. It can wait until Monday.

saraclara · 24/11/2019 13:39

Lane= leave

Alexis21 · 24/11/2019 13:53

OP yes he should reply to you if he is replying to other people - btw how do you know that he is replying to other people ? If you know for a fact that he is, then yes he should reply to you . If it's merely word of mouth then you actually don't know for certain.

He may not have seen your message / email give him time to respond.

If he fails to reply I would ring first thing in the morning explain everything to him and be with your son. If he doesn't pick up leave voicemail.

I hope your son is okay x

melj1213 · 24/11/2019 13:58

OP YABU

Firstly it is his day off, he is not obligated to reply to any emails, but as management perhaps he has a policy of responding to specific emails (emergencies/issues for colleagues who are in the office etc) but anything else can wait till he is back in an office. Or perhaps he limits checking his email to 15 minutes in the morning and evening on his day off and your email arrived after he had already checked his email this morning.

Additionally the wording of the message suggested that hous may you sent suggests zero urgency for a response. To me it sounded more like a "Hey boss, this email is to give you the info about needing leave before I talk to you to work out logistics on Monday" than a "I need a response now" message.

Swipe left for the next trending thread