AIBU - son needs surgery, supervisor not replying to request for days off

[tympanic]

Found out yesterday my young son needs urgent surgery next week. Sent my supervisor a text as soon as I knew to ask if he was free to chat. No reply. He’s been emailing colleagues today about work-related issues so emailed the situation to him. Still no reply.

I asked others if he has form for this but am told he usually replies soon after they text/email him.

Obviously I’m stressed. I’m not asking for days off for my enjoyment. AIBU to think this is pretty poor of him and something’s off?

Thanks to all those who wish my son well. He’s so little and never had an operation, so given this has been sprung on us I’m really quite stressed.

You are clearly as reasonable as me then and therefore practically perfect 👌

Job done, stop fretting. You've done your bit, it's up to him now.

@DisplayPurposesOnly It’s so weird! Almost word for word. Maybe we’re soul mates :)

Well obviously I hope you sort your son out and all goes well.

The difficulty in replying is not to agree or imply agreement if he can't guarantee the hours off. Maybe he needs to arrange cover or check which clients can be cancelled if cover not available, maybe he needs to see if he could cover, maybe you've have loads of days off and he wants to speak to HR first, maybe he wants to look at all the diaries and contact people on a work day?

It's tough for you but I expect it's a Monday in the office job not a day off job?

I've just had this with my son and my work gave me authorised absence.. I would however have called in sick if they hadn't authorised .. I'm a good worker and have never had a day off and never late . It wasn't optional to have the day off 🤷‍♀️

I appreciate you’re very stressed but it’s his day off, he doesn’t have to reply. Try not to panic, maybe he’s sorting rotas or something?
Hope your son makes a good recovery

Is this in real time OP? Just asking as you said you sent him a text about 8hrs ago which would be 4am. You outside UK? Shift worker?

Is there anything to stop you booking the days off as holiday? Surely he can't object or are you asking for what's called compassionate leave? Not clear from your posts.

He might be checking the HR policies on emergency time off or compassionate leave.

You are also entitled to parental leave...but you need to give 21 days notice for that.

Might be useful for later on.

www.gov.uk/parental-leave

@JinglingHellsBells Not in the UK. I rarely take time off work so have accumulated excess leave. I really don’t care whether I take it off as compassionate or other leave. I can’t just book it because it’s so soon. It doesn’t really work like that where I work.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude Could be, but a workmate recently took time off with less notice due to a family emergency. Didn’t seem to be an issue.

Honestly if it's his day off then I would wait until Monday for a reply. You won't be working those days no matter what so does it matter if he answers right this second?

One of our managers doesn't respond to queries on his days off but will answer the phone to me or one other colleague as we are friends and he knows if we are contacting him, it's a situation that needs an urgent call making. Perhaps it's a case that your supervisor will respond on days off to people he is closer to. Ask one of them to call him for you?

Also I really hope your little boy recovers quickly. Try not to worry too much although I know its easier said than done.

hi op, I don't think it would be compassionate leave. I think if you have accrued TOIL then you might get a quicker response if you tell him you are happy to take some accrued TOIL to cover the hours. As someone said previously, the delay might be wanting to check policy before responding so if you preempt that by giving a solution, he might reply sooner. It's it just one day off or could it be longer?

@vdbfamily I mentioned in my email I had plenty of leave accrued, so don’t imagine he thought I was asking for compassionate leave. I tried to be as accommodating as possible. Just thought I deserved at least some kind of response.

I think this is very difficult.

You simply don't know what your boss is up to today. For example what kind of other emails is he replying to? I doubt you know the content or the urgency. And he's under no obligation to reply to anyone at a weekend surely?

Without knowing your role and the line of management in your company, it's hard to say if you ABU.

Nothing is going to change between now and Monday so no point chewing yourself over it. At the end of the day you will need to be with your child, so that will either mean you taking short notice holiday or authorised absence, or compassionate leave.

ring him, be direct and I hope your son is ok.

Don’t ring him. He’s maybe busy, maybe got stuff on, maybe dealing with his own family emergency. It’s his day off. I understand you are upset and stressed but it can wait until Monday. It’s not like they can say no. Just take a deep breath.

I just mean if you hassle him and it turns out he’s on his mother’s death bed or something, you’ll feel like utter shit.

@JinglingHellsBells I’m not sure whether he is under obligation to reply. But in my opinion, anyone in a leadership position is paid more partly because they are supposed to have an iota of care for their employees, to at least say “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope he’ll be okay. I’ll have a look at the roster when I’m in next.” Not just ignore me completely. I’ve had countless strangers wish my son and I well in this thread, but not the person I know in person who I work for. Happy to be told this isn’t odd. But I think it is!

Look at this way, you have the leave, you will be taking it anyway, you have done him a courtesy by giving him the heads up.

He is on his day off, it will now keep until Monday due to the above.

Your boss is being a PRICK OP...

he's available enough on his days off to reply to 'some' colleagues but not an important Email about a colleagues Sons surgery..

I personally would resend the exact same email about 30 times.. that should get a response... just to make sure he got it

@NaomiFromMilkShake I think you’re right. I’ll stop ruminating and wait until he’s in next.

It IS odd but what kind of relationship do you have with your supervisor? Do you get on? Do you see much of him? None of this ought to matter - he ought to be above personal feelings and be professional- but on the other hand I don't think you ought to have contacted him at a weekend as it won't make any difference now and he will come back to you on a working day.

I can't understand why you didn't just give him the basic details. Dear Mr X my son has a Hospital appointment on such a date, and I will need time off, I apologize if this leaves you short-staffed. Helen