To hate my DH's Tory politics?

[tearsforsneers]

DH is a staunch Tory, always has been. Privately educated and long career in the military.
My background is more working class - brought up in a single parent family, not on benefits but my mum worked bloody hard so we would have a good start.

I can't bear how he supports the Tories - I find what they've done to the country (and how the future looks under them) so bleak.
Similarly, he says he's embarrassed by my support of labour, who he says are a total shambles.

We've agreed not to discuss politics but that seems a shame after five years together. I love and adore him in every other respect though we've never so vehemently disagreed in our views.

AIBU to love him yet feel uncomfortable at his political standpoint?

Labour supports the renewal of the
Trident nuclear deterrent. Labour
will also actively lead multilateral
efforts under our obligations to the
Non-Proliferation Treaty to create a
nuclear-free world.

From their manifesto

Why is it always the left-wing spouse complaining and not coping with different political views? 🤔

Why is it always the left-wing spouse complaining and not coping with different political views? 🤔

Probably because the consequences of some right-wing policies have human effects on the most vulnerable - increases in poverty, homelessness etc. Left-wing policies are more likely to leave the wealthy slightly less well-off but not induce hardship.

DTB. He is a tory, that is enough.

Dippy The zeitgeist for years has been that the rich and famous are vocally left-wing (while securing their wealth where the taxman can’t touch it).
Plenty of non-wealthy conservatives out there too, who believe in equal opportunities, not forced and unsustainable equal outcomes.

Whereas I could possibly live with a Tory voter if we were able to amicably agree to disagree I don't think I could live with anyone that actually supported BJ and/or was a Brexiter.

I feel very fortunate that my dh and I have broadly very similar views on both politics and how to manage our money. We talk about politics a lot though, I suspect most households don't.

I doubt most people really have different values. They just think that the route to achieving the goals is different

I agree with this. And the corollary is that someone who thinks supporting one mainstream party makes them a nicer or more moral person than a supporter of another such party is deluding themselves.

(I read the unabomber manifesto recently, after watching a drama about him, and he has quite a lot to say about the psychological motivation of "leftists". I wouldn't want to align myself generally with his views, but there might be kernel of truth in some them. )

Why is it always the left-wing spouse complaining and not coping with different political views?

Because the left-wingers explanation of why someone thinks differently to them is that they are evil. The right-wingers explanation is that the other person is stupid. So left-wingers hate right-wingers, but right-wingers pity/patronise left-wingers.

"I doubt most people really have different values. They just think that the route to achieving the goals is different"

You can either respect that he has different politics to you, or you don't. My friends and I all have wildly different opinions on politics, especially with Brexit, but we manage those differences by agreeing to disagree. Fundamentally we all want what is best for the country and for society, we just have different approaches to it.

I could be in a relationship with a Tory if they'd educated themselves on what that meant and weren't just spewing party lines without thinking about it.

I couldn't be in a relationship with a Tory - or with anyone - if they used politics to fuel hatred.

Working in MH services I really don't see any evidence the current government do want to support the vulnerable or keep people off the streets. Universal Credit is an absolute joke and services have been absolutely decimated.

You understand that more Brits support the Tories than any other political party, yes? Big swathe of people to rule out...

My background is more working class - brought up in a single parent family, not on benefits but my mum worked bloody hard so we would have a good start

Me too and I’m still a Tory voter

Anyone who votes tory should hang their head in shame.

@Rosehip10 oh bore off. Your quarrel is with most voters in this country then

It is possible to have different political views and may even soften each others. Both politics have some common ground, the secret to a good marriage is understanding, care and consideration and compromise. Rigid views with no give it what causes conflict Entrenched views help no one. Blair achieved some things that were so right wing the Tories would have been slammed for. The intransigence of Brexit has demonstrated how far we have drifted from tolerance

Because the left-wingers explanation of why someone thinks differently to them is that they are evil. The right-wingers explanation is that the other person is stupid. So left-wingers hate right-wingers, but right-wingers pity/patronise left-wingers.

That rings true.
It doesn’t help when people defending hard left/socialist policies appeal to emotion, have a dodgy grasp on history and economics, and sound plain naive.

I feel that many right wing voters are stupid or incredibly misguided. Often because they vote for politics that are in fact against their interests.

@2000partyoveroops Get real. "Most voters in the country" voted Tory? What was the Tories majority in Parliament again? Even with stuffing the DUP with cash.

There are many shades of red & blue (green, yellow etc) most people could find things they agree and disagree with in most parties manifestos. At some point you have to pick a party, cross that box and get on with life.

My DH and I often vote differently from one another but it creates great debate in our house. As a couple we actually have a great deal of cross over in our values but for a multitude of reasons we will vote for different parties.

MN seems so divisive with regards to politics, in real life not so much, we have friends who vote across the parties and it doesn’t impact my perspective of them. Their vote their choice.

I could be friends with or married to any one who votes for any current mainstream party.

I wouldn't want to be married to or friends with any one who was so narrow minded and self righteous that they believed their own views were the only correct way of viewing the world and who dismissed everyone of a differing view and their values wholesale.

I prefer to discuss issues with people from a variety of stand points and judge others on thier actions.

Sometimes through discussion or seeking other viewpoints, I've changed my mind .

I couldn't be with a man who didn't share my fundamental values.
You knew this before you married though and were happy to go along with it.
I'm not sure what you can do apart from suck it up tbh.
he sounds awful calling you an embarrassment.
Perhaps say you too are embarrassed about him voting for austerity, people starving and dying. I'd be ashamed of him tbh.

In my experience people with such different political views have such different values from me, I would struggle to be friends with them.

I completely disagree. You can just be a mature adult and still enjoy other commonalities. Most of my friends at work have very different political views. Some I found out after being a close friend for quite a while like the surprise UKIP supporter. But I still like them as friends.

I have friends who are very left wing. They HATE the Tories and REALLY HATE Boris Johnson.
I am a Tory voter but don't mention that when with them, though I suspect they know.
Why the hatred. Can't they just not like someone they've never met in their lives and never will.
I don't care for J Corbyn but I don't hate him, why would I?
The country is full of intolerant liberal lefties.

YANBU
names of the particular parties aside... you have very different political viewpoints... that would be a source of friction in any relationship! My husband and I both vote the same way but stil managed to get into arguments about politics... cannot imagine what it would be like married to someone with the complete opposite views to mine! Must be very hard for you...
But think of it this way... what attracted him to you and what attracted you to him? There must be ideals you do have in common, their must be aspects of your outlooks that each of you admire in the other?

I couldn't marry a tory. I don't think I could even be friends with one. Poor children don't exist as far as they're concerned. The 2 child limit. The benefit cap, affecting main the children of single parents. Anyone who condones or doesn't actively stand up against child poverty is a bad person as far as I'm concerned.

Mahatma Gandhi: The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members