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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my mum?

72 replies

Whodoyoutrust · 22/11/2019 15:45

DM asked to have DS(3) for the day, she wanted to take him out so asked us to install the carseat in to her car which I did.

To be clear, this was a visit requested by her, this is not regular childcare (which she doesn't do) and we do not pay her.

She called me a little while ago to say the dog has chewed and damaged the carseat, but its ok because she has bought a replacement. DSs original carseat is an extended rearfacing seat which a 25kg limit. The one she has replaced it with is a forward facing nania brand (cheap, shit and have failed in some tests). She doesn't see the problem.

I'm hacked off because the dog is generally lovely but known to chew and has been known to do some substantial damage to my mums house - destroyed the bath panel, chewed the TV ariel, broken the hose on the washing machine and flooded the kitchen etc, and she CHOSE to leave the dog in the car (where it chews the seats and seatbelts) knowing it was a risk.

I'm also hacked off that despite me explaining several times (prior to this) that the carseat we chose is very safe etc she has deliberately bought a cheap crappy one. She feels all seats are the same and that it is time to forward face DS anyway. She has form for buying cheap and knock off stuff because she doesn't like spending money and always likes a 'bargain' (she is comfortably off).

So now I have to replace the carseat 5 weeks before Christmas whilst on the unpaid bit of mat leave.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whodoyoutrust · 22/11/2019 15:59

Apparently I am!

OP posts:
Velveteenfruitbowl · 22/11/2019 16:00

YANBU

PaddingtonBrown · 22/11/2019 16:03

YANBU I would be livid too. How badly did the dog chew it for it to require a replacement? If she knew how important it was to you she should have checked before just buying any old cheap shit, and now you have to replace it, has she offered any contribution since it was her dog that chewed it up?

Jinglebulls · 22/11/2019 16:04

Explain the new car seat isn't acceptable and take no crap from her.
"No mum, our car seat was £250 and will need replacing and a £29.99 one isn't acceptable for X reason. You left the dog in the car, it's your fault"

FairyBatman · 22/11/2019 16:04

If it was me I would tell her how much a like for like replacement will be and ask her to transfer the money. I’d let her keep the other seat for her car for occasional journeys or take it back.

Mintjulia · 22/11/2019 16:05

Can you return the Nania and use the money towards the replacement?

woogal · 22/11/2019 16:06

I would be telling her that your car seat cost x and you want a like for like replacement or she can claim her home insurance for it if she had the cover for accidental damage.

Original poster
Whodoyoutrust · 22/11/2019 16:14

I have told her. I have explained why I am unhappy with the one she has bought. I've told her how much a replacement has cost (I went and bought it on my way to collect DS).

She thinks I'm being ridiculous, that all seats are the same and I am being over protective still rearfacing him.

It's damaged the buckle, one of the straps and part of the frame.

She will not pay towards a replacement, she feels she has provided an adequate replacement as it's the one my sister has for Dnephew (it isn't as I bought my sisters as a present when she had dnephew)!

OP posts:
Herocomplex · 22/11/2019 16:15

Did you see your car seat? How badly is it chewed ? I’d rather have a cosmetically damaged seat than an unsafe one.

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/11/2019 16:16

Can you send her links to safety studies that prove your point? And say that surely she cares about the life of her DGC?

Herocomplex · 22/11/2019 16:17

Ah no then. She’s being very unreasonable. By the way is the dog secured away from your DC when they’re in the car?

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 22/11/2019 16:17

YANBU I'd be demanding a like for like replacement regardless of what her opinion is on car seats or brands and I'd be prepared to fall out with her. Item damaged in her possession by her dog so her problem. I think a company called uberkids does interest free monthly payments for car seats, I'm also on unpaid maternity and I've been looking to purchase the Axkid minikid for DD so was researching options.

Seriouslyconfused3 · 22/11/2019 16:23

Honestly I think yab a bit u. It was an accident I bet she feels awful and maybe can’t afford to replace it. These things happen.

Original poster
Whodoyoutrust · 22/11/2019 16:24

Herocomplex they weren't in the car at the same time - DSis had popped in with Dnephew so DM took the opportunity to take the dog for a walk and on the way back popped in to the supermarket, leaving the dog in the car.

TheArtfulScreamer1 it's the axkidd minikid we have, it's a great seat. I've replaced it with the axkidd move as it's slightly cheaper. I'' look at uberkids as we will need to get a second one for DD anyway once she outgrows the infant seat.

OP posts:
Lunde · 22/11/2019 16:25

She is BVVVU

Original poster
Whodoyoutrust · 22/11/2019 16:25

Seriouslyconfused3 how was it an accident? She left a dog known to chew anything in reach in the car alone with the carseat. She no-lobger leaves it alone in a room because it does this. She can afford to replace it, she just doesn't want to.

OP posts:
Celebelly · 22/11/2019 16:30

YANBU. Those Nania seats are bloody awful.

Wolfiefan · 22/11/2019 16:31

Dogs should be restrained in a car. It wasn’t if it managed to chew the car seat. She’s being a cheeky fucker. Her dog damaged the car seat. She owes you.

theoriginalmadambee · 22/11/2019 16:44

Does she have insurance that could cover?

BowiesJumper · 22/11/2019 16:46

No Christmas presents for her then!

OneDay10 · 22/11/2019 16:51

Yanbu, how can she just decide that for you. Actually I wouldnt be allowing her to have my child if this is what she does.
it's one thing to say it's an mistake, but another to arrogantly refuse to replace like for like and decide for you.

AllyBamma · 22/11/2019 17:04

I think you’d be well within your rights to not let DS for the day again until she’s replaced the expensive car seat

whiskersonkittenss · 22/11/2019 17:07

I'd be furious. Yanbu.

BackforGood · 22/11/2019 17:07

YANBU at all.
I'm not on the side of people having to replace things damaged in genuine accidents, but this wasn't the case - she owns a dog that regularly chews anything in sight, and left this dog alone with the car seat.
Her views on whether you are daft or not to spend more money than she thinks necessary on a car seat are irrelevant. She borrowed something of yours, if was damaged in a way that was easily predictable, then she totally owes you the full amount to replace it 'like for like'

How you are going to get the money out of her is more difficult for us to know though.

Fairylea · 22/11/2019 17:10

Yanbu. At all. I don’t know what you can actually do about it though if she refuses to pay up. Is she very short of money?

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