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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with my mum?

72 replies

Whodoyoutrust · 22/11/2019 15:45

DM asked to have DS(3) for the day, she wanted to take him out so asked us to install the carseat in to her car which I did.

To be clear, this was a visit requested by her, this is not regular childcare (which she doesn't do) and we do not pay her.

She called me a little while ago to say the dog has chewed and damaged the carseat, but its ok because she has bought a replacement. DSs original carseat is an extended rearfacing seat which a 25kg limit. The one she has replaced it with is a forward facing nania brand (cheap, shit and have failed in some tests). She doesn't see the problem.

I'm hacked off because the dog is generally lovely but known to chew and has been known to do some substantial damage to my mums house - destroyed the bath panel, chewed the TV ariel, broken the hose on the washing machine and flooded the kitchen etc, and she CHOSE to leave the dog in the car (where it chews the seats and seatbelts) knowing it was a risk.

I'm also hacked off that despite me explaining several times (prior to this) that the carseat we chose is very safe etc she has deliberately bought a cheap crappy one. She feels all seats are the same and that it is time to forward face DS anyway. She has form for buying cheap and knock off stuff because she doesn't like spending money and always likes a 'bargain' (she is comfortably off).

So now I have to replace the carseat 5 weeks before Christmas whilst on the unpaid bit of mat leave.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PaddingtonBrown · 22/11/2019 17:24

Ah I see re the damage being to the buckle/strap. Wow, a £350 car seat and she's replaced it with a £30 one and thinks that's acceptable?? I would go with PP suggestion of no Xmas presents for her and just say you couldn't afford anything as you've just had to shell out over £200 on a new car seat that HER dog damaged. Very thoughtless of her.

PaddingtonBrown · 22/11/2019 17:26

And also agree to not letting her have DS until she pays up and I'd make it clear about the reasons why.

FirstTicket · 22/11/2019 17:27

Offer a comparison. Ask to borrow her car, call her to say you've crashed it and it's a write off. Tell her, don't worry mum i've bought you a £500 15 year old Ford Ka to replace it! Drives perfectly so does it's intended purpose. No, i won't be contributing anymore money to replace it like for like. Grin

FirstTicket · 22/11/2019 17:28

Oh btw YANBU and i can't believe her attitude!

NaomiFromMilkShake · 22/11/2019 17:28

Annoyed

I would be ropeable.

Winterdaysarehere · 22/11/2019 17:29

Take her Xmas gift back as you need the cash now now...
And no more unsupervised time with a chewy ddog....
It may choke on a baby item and am betting she would send you the vet bill...

Ragwort · 22/11/2019 17:29

YANBU but do you really want to fall out with your mother over this? I don’t see how your ‘force’ her to reimburse you.

Can she return the cheaper seat & at least give you the refunded money as a contribution towards the new one?

You can then explain, nicely, that you will not be able to afford Christmas presents this year.

newyearoldme · 22/11/2019 17:29

What is this dog doing loose in the car anyway? Is it loose like this when passengers are in the car and driving around? Sounds lethal if so..... how is it to be restrained when driving and it starts chewing or misbehaving?

Jinglebulls · 22/11/2019 17:30

Yeah, can you give an expensive handbag of hers to the dog and then replace it with a primark carrier bag? But it does the same job mum! It seems silly to have such an expensive bag when this does the exact same job Grin

RaininSummer · 22/11/2019 17:31

Definitely not U.

Winterdaysarehere · 22/11/2019 17:31

An unsecure ddog in a car is an offence.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 22/11/2019 17:32

Could you contact her car insurance and make a claim? I don't know if its something that they would deal with, but the damage was done in her car and if she won't pay up maybe they will?

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 22/11/2019 17:35

I think an unrestrained dog in a vehicle is only an offence if the car is being driven. From ops post I assumed she left the dog alone in the car.

OrangeZog · 22/11/2019 17:35

YANBU. Will your house insurance cover it or can you claim against your mum’s car insurance (“sorry you have to pay the £250 excess for the claim mum, but I need a suitable car seat that costs... £250!”)?

Otherwise I would buy another car seat and it would be the end of her looking after my son.

1Morewineplease · 22/11/2019 17:36

I would certainly urge her to claim on her insurance, but, if , as has been intimated, a loose dog in the car might invalidate that.
I’d be furious. I’d certainly not let my child in her car again , particularly as there’s a loose dog.
You’ve mentioned that she’s not short of a bob or two so she really should step up and replace.
If not... no more car journeys with her.

JasonPollack · 22/11/2019 17:41

She is being really out of order. I would not be buying her any more than a token xmas gift, nor would she be having my DC again. Troubling not to be able to take proper responsibility for your actions as an adult.

Beseen19 · 22/11/2019 17:41

I can honestly imagine this exact conversation happening with my mum. She wanted to buy a car seat for her car so I sent her an absolute bargain of a rear facing seat that would last until DS was 4 and she completely ignored me and bought a forward facing, poorly rated seat because 'he shouldn't be rear facing now anyway'.

Honestly in this situation I would refuse to accept the seat and yes I would fall out with her for a couple of weeks. It's your parenting decision to decide what's best for your child not hers and I would be raging. Realistically you are probably not going to see the cash but i would limit contact until she understands how unreasonable she is being and apologises.

dontlickthelamp · 22/11/2019 17:41

I wouldn’t let your DS see her again on his own after this

Original poster
Whodoyoutrust · 22/11/2019 18:04

The dog has a dog seatbelt, so isn't unrestrained, but it is a very small car so can reach from where it was restrained to the carseat.

I haven't bought her gift yet, and I don't think I will be doing - it was a hue bulb starter kit, something she was really keen for. It's not cheap though so was waiting for black Friday.

I know she isn't broke as my gran died last year and left her a substantial amount (I know the figure), we're generally very open about money so know she hasn't any debt etc.

I'm not going to fall out with her about it but I am really pissed off with her.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 22/11/2019 18:21

Agree with not buying her that Christmas gift after all. Interesting how she doesn't stint at wanting expensive things herself, but thinks cheap stuff is fine for family! That is really a double standard. I also wouldn't facilitate more days of her taking your DS out unless she decides to make amends.

Fr0g · 22/11/2019 19:05

buy replacement seat.
gift wrap empty box as her xmas present to ram the point home.

Drum2018 · 22/11/2019 19:16

Definitely no Christmas gift so. Just explain that the money it would have cost for the gift had to be put towards the new car seat.

Smelborp · 22/11/2019 19:29

YANBU. I would not buy her a present or let her look after your DC again.

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