to be annoyed with my mum?

[Whodoyoutrust]

DM asked to have DS(3) for the day, she wanted to take him out so asked us to install the carseat in to her car which I did.

To be clear, this was a visit requested by her, this is not regular childcare (which she doesn't do) and we do not pay her.

She called me a little while ago to say the dog has chewed and damaged the carseat, but its ok because she has bought a replacement. DSs original carseat is an extended rearfacing seat which a 25kg limit. The one she has replaced it with is a forward facing nania brand (cheap, shit and have failed in some tests). She doesn't see the problem.

I'm hacked off because the dog is generally lovely but known to chew and has been known to do some substantial damage to my mums house - destroyed the bath panel, chewed the TV ariel, broken the hose on the washing machine and flooded the kitchen etc, and she CHOSE to leave the dog in the car (where it chews the seats and seatbelts) knowing it was a risk.

I'm also hacked off that despite me explaining several times (prior to this) that the carseat we chose is very safe etc she has deliberately bought a cheap crappy one. She feels all seats are the same and that it is time to forward face DS anyway. She has form for buying cheap and knock off stuff because she doesn't like spending money and always likes a 'bargain' (she is comfortably off).

So now I have to replace the carseat 5 weeks before Christmas whilst on the unpaid bit of mat leave.

AIBU?

YANBU
We have only just turned DC3 from rear facing (he’s 4 in April)

Your mum should know better

Good idea to not buy a Christmas gift. And I would give her the empty box too!

YANBU - I would be so mad!! It HAS to be a like for like replacement! Can you perhaps emphasise the safety aspect and say it's just not as safe I want you to replace with the one we had originally? Very bad form from your mum!x

YANBU. I would be furious.

And ask her how she would feel if god forbid you had an accident with this shitty car seat she's has replaced for you and it performed as badly as it does in the safety tests?x

If she can't respect your wishes then don't let her have your little one again.

YANBU xx

YANBU

I reckon no Xmas gift, refund the nania and refuse further loans of equipment; if that means she doesn't take the DC so it is. And YANBU, of course. Even if she doesn't agree, she doesn't get to damage your stuff and then tell you how it was a waste of £ in the first place.

No Christmas or birthday presents for grandma for the next year since you’ve had to spend money on a new car seat because of her. Insisting that you should just use her one is rude. It may have been an accident but she should have included you in the solution

No need to fall out. Just say calmly that your decision is that your child is not allowed to travel in the cheap seat. That is your decision as a parent and will not change. So she can choose - either replace the expensive seat like for like or don't take your child out in the car again. End of story.

Wrap chair & give it to mother for Christmas. Tell her that never mind if it doesn’t quite fit her or it’s not safe for her, she can simply make do.

YANBU, I'd be cross too. I think she should replace it like for like, but as she's refused, there's little you can do. The trouble comes next time she wants to spend time with dgs. How will you ensure the same thing doesn't happen again? Or with a toy that dgs takes with him. Or to his clothes? Etc etc.

Oh and i agree with the no expensive xmas present for her, perhaps a cheap box of chocs, but certainly there's no money left over from you having to replace the car seat. If money is tight for you, you could ask her for a contribution to the car seat instead of buying you a present (i love a bit of passive aggression).

This is unbelievable! In what world do you damage someone's property and then decide an inferior product worth a tenth of the original is an acceptable replacement? Is she thick? Or just very thick skinned? This would drive hell into me, I can't get over the cheek of her! I think, if she asks, to tell her that cash for a new car seat will have to be your Christmas present this year or you won't be able to afford Christmas at all. You are definitely not being unreasonable! She doesn't get to decide which car seat your son uses. Does she honestly think that people pay more for car seats just for fun?!

I'd be petty and wrap up the shitty nania seat up and shift it to her you thought shed approve as she loves it so much and as her dog chewed your car seat you couldn't afford present as you have had to fork out £250 for a car seat because she refused to do the right thing. I'd be so mad I'd be telling her no babysitting because her bloody dog cant be trusted not to wreck your equipment

Send her the link to this post

Loving some of the ideas for alternative Christmas presents!

Don't let the horrible bitch near your child again. She obviously values money over his safety.

Is this worth a serious falling out over?

Tell her the new car seat is replacing her Christmas present as you can't afford to buy her anything else now

Confusedbeetle where did I say I was going to fall out with her? I'm just annoyed!