To just resign myself to eating everything or nothing...

[Sponcen]

I'm fat, I need to lose 4 stone at least.

My default is skipping breakfast, overeating in the afternoon and then skipping dinner. I never feel hungry. I will over eat anything. Cheese, salad, vegetables, porridge as well as junk so it's not a case of don't buy can't eat it. I have children they need to eat.

Low carb works well for me. Really well and here's my problem, I'm doing it at the moment and enjoying it but I really enjoy not eating and feeling properly hungry.
I'm barely eating anything. I feel good, in control and happy. Everything I don't feel when I'm eating more. I fast most days and eat just tiny amounts of salad or vegetable with a little meat or cheese.
Everyone is praising me and telling me I look great which is spurring me on to keep going.

I just don't know how to eat normally.

I've been to the Doctors. They referred me to the dietician who told me to eat more carbs, 5 a day, make healthy swaps etc.
I could recite all that backwards.

ok, this is probably not the best or healthiest advice to offer but I'm going to suggest it anyway because I have an incling that we are similar in our approach to food.

Why don't you try Cambridge or Lighterlife diet? They are very low calorie diets where you will loose weight quickly. The reason I suggest this is because all your food is provided for you and it takes away the element of thinking about food at all. Food is not for pleasure on these diets - it is only functional.

As you progress through the diet you slowly start to add food / meals back in. This can be a good way to change your disordered habits and learn new, better habits.

Or have you tried hypnosis?

Failing that spend a shit load on some proper theepy to address your eating problems.

I'm like you OP. Not sure what the answer is, but sympathies

Do you have anyone at home you could eat with, to give you someone to answer to? Kids you want to set a good example for?

Thanks for replying I'll look into the two plans mentioned but am concerned that anything sweet or carby will trigger me to over eat.

It's just me and the children Monday to Friday aid I eat I sit with them but just eat a little. If they're eating something unsuitable then I tell them I had a big lunch.

It's so hard because I feel so much better than I have done in a long time but I know what I'm doing isn't healthy.

Do you portion out your food or weigh stuff? I portion my lunch as I pack it for work and then evening I weigh rice and things like that which I find helps. I don't eat breakfast either but only because I find it makes me binge and feel hungry all day, doesn't work for everyone. Do you feel hungry when you wake up? If so, maybe eating breakfast would actually be beneficial and help you not overeat later?

They are both low carb diets so might suit you. Also you have to go to an appointment each week and get weighed so it makes you accountable - something else I find really helps if I have to explain myself.

However I eat I very rarely feel hungry before 11/12. I haven't eaten breakfast for about 20 years.
I'm a SAHM so eat at home when I'm eating as I usually do I eat leftovers for brunch.

Very interested to see responses to this. I am similar I have started to wonder if it’s a sensory thing that I enjoy feeling very full or very empty but not ever that “satisfied” feeling people describe of having eaten sufficient.
I can low carb & fast & lose but it only works for a month/6 weeks then I fall off the wagon & it all goes back on.

I am like you OP.
I lost 3 stones through low carbing at the beginning of the year. Put them all back on in less than 2 months. I can eat 8000kcal of crap in a day and not feel sick at all. I can also barely eat and enjoy the feeling of hunger.
I am terrified of getting diabetes, and even that isn't enough to make me stop.
According to my GP (in France) I don't have an eating disorder because I don't make myself throw up...

I am sorry I can't help you - but I know how much it sucks.

Have you tried intermittent fasting? Just wondering as it sounds like it might suit your hunger patterns.

Thank you so much for your replies.

Sorry for those who are in the same boat although it's comforting to know there are people who understand.

DH is very much of the eat less move more train of thought.
He simply couldn't understand how I wasn't losing weight after upping my exercise levels and he only sees snapshots of what I used to eat, rarely eat dessert, eat from a smaller plate than him, never eat breakfast, always choose salad options when eating out etc.
Now I'm losing weight he thinks it's brilliant.

Intermittent fasting is kind of how I got here. I started with 16:8 in conjunction with low carb then started following low carb/Keto bloggers who fast for prolonged periods and found I enjoyed it.
Ideally I'd love to follow 5:2 but when I've tried I've never lost weight as I think I ate too much on the non fast days.

I was going to suggest intermittent fasting as well.
You are either hungry or full on this method.

I didn't lose on 5/2 at first because I was eating/drinking too much on off days. But watching carb levels on eating days and putting the two fast days together helped.

Ideally though food and eating it would take up much less headspace. Though that is very hard when dieting. Maybe don't stress too much if you're losing weight and your GP is monitoring.

I think if I was single and childless things would be easier. With children food is a big part of my day, I enjoy cooking and obviously want to provide good healthy food for my children. I just wish I could follow the same good habits that I try to instil in them.

This might sound ridiculous but maybe try and do some thinking about food in your house growing up, how it was treated. What you like and don't like about those attitudes and how they compare to the attitudes you have with your dc.

If there are significant differences and you wish things had maybe been done differently then you could do some 're parenting' of yourself alongside your dc. Think about yourself as a dc, imagine her and then nurture that dc with food in the same way you are nurturing the other dc in the house.

Childhood mealtimes were a tale of two cities. The best of times and the worst of times. My Dad had/has anger issues often triggered by food and eating.
On a good day the dinner table was fun and somewhere I felt completely happy and loved. On a bad day it was terrifying and hostile and I couldn't wait to leave.

As far as attitudes to food though my parents were similar to me. My Mum is a fantastic cook. We didn't ever have to eat anything we didn't want to and were given a varied diet.
My Mum has a strange relationship with food too though, she eats barely anything but has always been overweight. As a child I remember my Dad coming home and giving her a bar of her favourite chocolate and her keeping it in the fridge for weeks and weeks, my sister asked why she wouldn't eat it and my Mum said "because once I start eating it I won't stop" at the time we found that funny of course now I feel sad for her.

posted that too soon. Thank you @dreichwinter that's a helpful way of looking at things.

How much water do you drink Op? A large glass 20mins before meals helps to eat less, some swear by half a grapefruit before meals. Naturally the body eats less, better than starving yourself. X

I drink water all the time, it certainly helps to keep me full.

I’m exactly the same. I can do really well for weeks then a holiday or night away will send me into a downward spiral for a month & I’m back where I started. I’ve been trying to lose the same 10lb for over a year! 5:2 has worked for me previously so I will get on that in the new year. Although to be honest, I think I could be comfortable with my current weight if I focused on eating properly rather than all or nothing. I’m a size 12-14, in my 40s with 2 kids. I enjoy food & drink & we have quite a sociable lifestyle so would be happy to just break the cycle of doom but I don’t really know where to start.

Try and work on stopping the bingeing but honestly, another diet is not the way to do it. If you carry on like this you’ll be on and off diets for the rest of your life. It’s no way to live. If you didn’t binge you wouldn’t need to diet and vice verse.

I speak from experience. I had binge eating disorder for many many years, more than half of my life 🙁 and learning to eat “normally” and embracing exercise worked, albeit gradually, for me.

@imabitofanexpert your advice is spot on. I think half the problem for me is that I want instant results for that dress I want to fit into next week.

Do you have any advice on where to start @Imabitofanexpertatpeppa?

I've been binging since I was 7 though was slim until my early twenties. So this has been my life. I'm fast approaching 40 and I can't face another decade of feeling this way. The Doctor doesn't seem interested, I've had counselling, read a library of books. I feel guilty about everything I eat that isn't a vegetable.
Low carbing has stopped my binges but it's this new habit of fasting. I don't know what's worse for me.

I started Exante in July. I've lost over two stone and I feel in control.

I'm still wanting to lose weight, but I'm using the products in a 4:3 way.

Without wanting to sound like a twat, finding an exercise (weight lifting) that I really enjoyed was the start of my recovery. I started to think of my body in respect to what it could do rather than what it looked like. But obviously that won’t be for everyone!

I also started to read loads of books on nutrition and health rather than diets or eating disorders. Realising that type 2 diabetes probably wasn’t far away.

I’m also the product of a mother with a really fucked up food relationship and I now have 2 young daughters who I figured I owed it to to sort myself out. I really don’t want them to end up like me!

So probably nothing very useful there. Sorry! No one thing worked, it was gradual. And I still have bad days. But the last time I properly binged was about 5 years ago now. It can be done. You can do it :-)