To just resign myself to eating everything or nothing...

[Sponcen]

I'm fat, I need to lose 4 stone at least.

My default is skipping breakfast, overeating in the afternoon and then skipping dinner. I never feel hungry. I will over eat anything. Cheese, salad, vegetables, porridge as well as junk so it's not a case of don't buy can't eat it. I have children they need to eat.

Low carb works well for me. Really well and here's my problem, I'm doing it at the moment and enjoying it but I really enjoy not eating and feeling properly hungry.
I'm barely eating anything. I feel good, in control and happy. Everything I don't feel when I'm eating more. I fast most days and eat just tiny amounts of salad or vegetable with a little meat or cheese.
Everyone is praising me and telling me I look great which is spurring me on to keep going.

I just don't know how to eat normally.

cloudybuns thank you for posting. Sorry you have similar issues. You sound like you really have a grip on things at the moment though. Well done.

Chinny I haven't decided I have an eating disorder. However I know that I have a difficult relationship with food and after almost thirty years of trying to muddle through on my own I think I need help with it. I also need help knowing what's normal.
What I'm doing doesn't feel right I suppose, if my husband or grown up daughter was fasting several days a week and only eating once a day on the other days I'd be concerned. I also know I'm not a healthy weight so I suppose my normal isn't the same as someone who is healthy.
I'll certainly add in more vegetables but I'm not adding in fruit the sugar makes me really hungry.

I suppose I am pretty sedentary lljkk I do about 20,000 steps a day, swim when I can and sporadically play squash as can't always get childcare.
I'll be honest I find having to walk everywhere quite draining which puts me off doing other exercise, I'd swim more but walking there in the rain swimming then walking back in the rain then walking to pick the kids up in the rain isn't really enjoyable.

Yeah, I hear you and I sympathise. But maybe it only feels wrong because your previous habits have been so unhealthy? Listen to your body. As I say, if you haven’t got enough calories on board then you will know all about it, literally, you’ll faint!
Be positive! You said you feel happy and motivated - stay that way!

If you like the low carb way of eating and think it's something you can go with longer term then have a look at the low carb bootcamp section on here. They run 10 week 'bootcamps' which I've found helped me keep on the straight and narrow.

Maybe your right Chinny I just need to accept that I can't eat the way I think is normal.
I suppose I just feel concerned that if four or five meals and a few snacks a week are all I need when I have a lot to lose then how will I eat even less when I get nearer my target.

As well as. You need the protein to (a) stay healthy and (b) feel full. You also need some fat to stay full. But you do need vegetables too. Avoid starchy root vegetables and eat proper amounts of green vegetables.

how will I eat even less when I get nearer my target.

You won't and you shouldn't. What you need to develop is a long term healthier way of eating, not a yo yo diet regime.

I'm following the boot camp rules bridgetreilly so basically I eat salad leaves, cucumber, asparagus, broccoli, swede, cauliflower, courgette, celeriac, meat and fish, butter and some dairy. I allow myself a little dark chocolate. Eggs and mushrooms are allowed but I don't like them.
I don't eat bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, starchy vegetables, fruit or sugar or sweeteners.
I rarely drink alcohol only on rare nights out about 6-7 times a year.

I wouldn’t call 20,000 steps a day sedentary.

I don't t know how to get from this way of eating to anything else. I lost three stone this way a couple of years ago and started adding in some potatoes and fruit but the weight crept up and the fruit triggered binges.

I really do think you need some help with your relationship with food

I don't like carbs, so eat very few. I've just lost over three stone this year, took up training for a 10k and am now training for a half marathon.

If left to my own devices I would eat everything I can see (although I'm a sugar junkie as I don't like carbs). The way I deal with it is to eat very little for six days a week, then give myself permission to eat what I like on the seventh day. I try to make sure that I don't really have anything particularly 'nice' in on that seventh day, so I can eat what I like, but there isn't really much of what I like in the house!

Running is great for keeping busy, keeping me out of the house; I don't want to eat before I go and physically can't eat when I get back. But I am aware that my approach to food is becoming skewed and, as I live alone, I can eat whatever I like without comment.

So, although running is boring, could you try taking it up again? It helps me regulate my appetite and I know that I can eat a little bit more than I would otherwise without gaining weight because I'm burning it off. Although I've now got a bit of a running addiction and regard anything less than seven miles as hardly worth going out...

I suppose I could try running again, the last two times I did c25k I did it with someone which really helped but I'd have to do it on my own this time.
I did attempt it in the summer holidays but I'll only run through the woods but on my fourth outing I tripped and twisted my ankle and had to limp home miserably. DH kind of banned me from going in the woods on my own again!

Fitbits are unreliable but 20k/steps per day is definitely far out of the sedentary category.

30 day shred is brilliant, and you can do it at home and no one will see you!
Look, almost no one ‘loves’ exercise. I never regret going for a run but I have to force myself - and I’ve been running for a decade so you’d think I’d have got over myself by now.
I think you’re overthinking!

The people who said that your once a day meal are not tiny amounts are talking rubbish. Come off it 2 or 3 Lettuce leaves and some olives and tuna amounting to probably 400kcals.

Mumsnet is full of people really wierd about food and they don't know it so they can't give advice but they will.

Go talk to a counsellor and nutritionist not a dietician. That will be better than mumsnet.

For what's its worth I have the switch thing and once triggered I find it hard to stop eating. I tried intermittent fasting and now have gone back to that. I have had counselling before and I was bulimic as a teen so read loads about it.

Disordered eating and food addictions is the hardest type of addiction as you can live without smoking and drinking but you cannot live without eating.

It's hard op, but definitely look into getting some talking therapy.

I suppose I was assuming generous portions (at least 2 tbsp each time) of mayonaise in each of OP's 'meals'.

Plus probably something like milk in tea & coffee all day long coz folk don't notice calories in drinks.

Totally agree OP has disordered eating.
I would cry if I you wanted me to do 20k steps a day on those small meals.

Thanks for the other replies. I didn't see them until now.
I'm just going to focus on the way I'm eating at the moment as I'm not binging which makes me happier and I'm losing weight so that's good. I added more vegetables with my roast yesterday.

Exercise really is a difficult one for me. I get nothing out of it, I never feel good afterwards just sweaty, tired and achy.
While I'm doing it I feel disgusting, the feeling of my flesh wobbling, my boobs moving despite my three bras, my red face, the sweat. I hate every second.
Squash is one of my better things as it's so fast I don't have time to think about anything but hitting the ball and you have to go with someone else so I can't back out.
I've tried the shred, insanity, yoga on YouTube etc. but I'm just not motivated enough to make myself do it, especially when I start to feel achy from doing it.
The same with running. Plus it seems to have zero impact on my weight, I joined a women's running club for 9 months with two friends a couple of years ago. We ran twice a week and I put on half a stone.

I hate running with a passion you wouldn't believe. Hate every second of pounding the roads, sweating, freezing, getting soaked, things hurting... but since I really cut back on calories and upped my distances, I can now do eight miles without really feeling it and I've lost three stone.

Losing weight/getting fit hurts. If it was easy everyone would be eight stone marathon runners.

I got a dog. A working breed that is very high needs. If I don't go out, she lets me know I'm shirking!

Intermittent Fasting sounds like the right fit for you. But you must eat well in your eating window until you are full and satisfied.

Read the book The Obesity Code by Dr Fung. Keep up with the fasting, I’m in a FB group and have seen so much success. Some people don’t succeed because they aren’t clean fasting. What are you eating/drinking in your fasting window? Also you may have to change up your windows to find what works best for your body.

...I can now do eight miles without really feeling it and I've lost three stone.

That's amazing, and I think if I saw even the slightest result it would spur me on but in nine months of running in all weathers including snow and a gale, dreading it every single Tuesday and Thursday I wasn't any faster couldn't run much further than when I started and I hadn't lost a pound or even a cm over my whole body!

The worst thing about it, Sponcen was that I had to run five days a week to see a difference. I'm not sure twice a week would have had any effect, to be honest.

That's why I got the dog.