To just resign myself to eating everything or nothing...

[Sponcen]

I'm fat, I need to lose 4 stone at least.

My default is skipping breakfast, overeating in the afternoon and then skipping dinner. I never feel hungry. I will over eat anything. Cheese, salad, vegetables, porridge as well as junk so it's not a case of don't buy can't eat it. I have children they need to eat.

Low carb works well for me. Really well and here's my problem, I'm doing it at the moment and enjoying it but I really enjoy not eating and feeling properly hungry.
I'm barely eating anything. I feel good, in control and happy. Everything I don't feel when I'm eating more. I fast most days and eat just tiny amounts of salad or vegetable with a little meat or cheese.
Everyone is praising me and telling me I look great which is spurring me on to keep going.

I just don't know how to eat normally.

Thanks @Imabitofanexpertatpeppa and well done five years binge free is amazing.

I don't seem to get much out of exercise. I try but have never found anything that's gripped me enough to want to do it. I've done couch to 5k twice but stopped after the completing the events I was training for.
I enjoy swimming but am not really good enough or able to go often enough for it to make a difference to my fitness.
I have been more active than ever this past year or so, my step count is double as we've moved house. It didn't make a jot of difference to my weight though until I cut out the carbs.

Honestly, I would try to find a therapist who specialises in disordered eating. It's disappointing that your GP only suggested a dietician. You know what to eat, what you need is help in learning to actually do that. It's a mental/emotional issue, not a lack of understanding.

I'm similar to you OP.

Can you work out your 'triggers' and avoid them? Mine is being alone! If I'm in one evening without DH, I know my mind will wander to food.

I buy small amounts of things, like 100 kcal choc bars. If I eat a whole pack it's still not that bad! I have kids, but there's no treat food in the house. Or I get in the bath, or paint my nails.

Can you say something about where you are in UK, OP? County or local authority, I mean.

GP was disappointing bridgetreilly she didn't seem to get why I was there as I wasn't purging and low carbing is helping me lose weight.

Being alone is a trigger for me too, Doje I feel uncomfortable eating in front of others because of my weight and that overrides any cravings to eat or overeat I might have. It actually makes me feel good to refuse food when I'm with other people.
I'm alone a lot of the time unfortunately I'm a SAHM to school age children and have a husband who works away most of the time.

I'm in North Wales lljkk don't really want to be too much more specific.

Try Overeaters Anonymous.

Read 'Fat is a Feminist Issue' and work through it.

You might not meet the criteria for eating disorders therapy. It's very stretched in the NHS, anyway. But would you consider some other form of counselling. Not about food directly. More about what is making you unhappy.

I would consider counselling but I feel that it's this making me unhappy.
I hate being fat, hate the way my body moves, the way I feel, how it stops me doing things, stops me wanting to go out, I've stopped going to any of my husbands work events because I don't want people to see how I look.

Have a look at Sustain Nutrition on Facebook. They're fab! They run free challenges, you can also sign up for 1:1 mentoring which will challenge your mindset as well as your food choices.
Lighter life and 'juice diets' are not the answer here, or ever really lol, they are short term fixes that make the problem worse.
You need to reevaluate how you think about food and Sustain is the way to do this! . Good luck!

When you say tiny amounts, what are we talking?

You say you feel good, your step count is high, you are losing the weight. Feeling properly hungry. I don’t see the issue unless you feel properly hungry ALL the time? If you’re hungry, and you eat until you are not hungry, and don’t eat again until you are hungry...that sounds pretty normal to me. As long as what you are eating is salad and veg and meat, which sounds healthy enough?

I’m just wondering if when you say you barely eat anything, that is actually the case. I think many people’s idea of portion size is skewed.

Cannot wait to properly read this thread.

Your new mindset won't last long. I have been through the same cycle. Enjoy feeling hungry (because it validates to me that I am in control). Then it becomes too much and I binge. Then I feel terrible for binging so fall off the wagon. Thus the cycle continues.

I could recommend various weight loss techniques and groups but ultimately, unless you figure out why you eat like this then you are stuck.

I did a years worth of counselling. I specifically said I want to figure out why I have a terrible relationship with food. It lead us down the past of control and family relationships. Basically, I use food as a way of maintaining control but also losing control safely. I had to make a few adjustments in my life (ie put myself first). I've lost a stone now. It hasn't been perfect but I have and I now have counselling once every two weeks instead. I would say I face more the issues of a normal person rather than binging etc.

because it's really hard.

Just to add my counselling was paid for by myself. I didn't bother even ask at the doctor. I emailed a few counsellors and outlined my issue and one could help me. It has taken a long time though and I only felt ready to try a diet when I was 9months into it. I'm so glad I did it though! You have to be totally honest with them. I suspect from your posts that your mum and family upbringing have a role to play. I didn't want my daughter to have the same issues with food as me.

When you say tiny amounts, what are we talking?

Typical meals are
two or three little gem lettuce leaves, one of those individual cans of tuna mixed with mayonnaise and three or four olives sliced up,
Two romaine lettuce leaves, a piece of bacon chopped, about 2 cm of cucumber mustard and mayonnaise, sometimes a little bit of cheese,
A chipolata sausage with swede, cauliflower and cheese mash, sometimes a little gravy if I've made it for the children,
Two slices of roast beef spread with horseradish and rolled up with lettuce leaves, one of those individual pieces of Brie from M&S and a few olives,
Dinner last night was half a chicken mini fillet, half a slice of gammon from a small joint, a large floret of broccoli a tablespoon of steamed cabbage and leeks with mustard sauce.

The plate I eat off is a side plate around 18cm across including the rim or a small bowl the size you'd use for dips or nibbles.
It fits the recommended 30g of cereal if that give you an idea of size.

I eat one meal a day and sometimes have a snack too. Snacks are things like a small cappuccino, a baby bel, a few olives, a square of 85% cocoa chocolate, oxo drink.
When I'm fasting I'll eat a meal at around 12/1 then nothing except water or green tea until around 4:00 the next day when I'd have a snack then I try to hold off eating my meal as long as I can but I'll drink regular tea with milk, I find if I get to about 8:30 then I don't feel hungry anymore and can hold out until the following morning.

I think that actually sounds fine, but I would try to eat more vegetables.

BlandAndBoring thank you. I think your right, this won't last forever and I'll end up binging again. I'll look into counselling but I don't think it's something that we can afford for a few years.
My eldest is 20 and I don't think I've given her any of my food issues. She loves to exercise and that certainly seems to help her eat well too.

I've seen it described as having a switch where others have a dial. It is true in my case!

I low carb which works for me on a physical level ( eating food I like to eat) and also on a psychological level as, in theory, you can eat as much food as you want. The reality being that low carb, for me, has reduced my appetite so I dont want to eat that much anymore.

The "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" is a myth peddled back in the day by Kellogg's!

Think centuries ago people did feast and famine to an extent. Fruit and veg most days with meat when they killed a sheep or caught something.

Have you tried something like my fitness pal? I was wondering if religiously putting in what you eat may help you feel more in control???

I would think low carbs has helped because it massively reduces the sugar cravings so stick with that approach? MFP will say you aren't eat enough carb but you don't have to obey it.

I can't face food until lunch time it makes me feel queasy and once I start eating can often binge.

Whether eating healthily or not I only have 2 meals today 🤷🏽‍♀️

Would you fit the vegetables in as well as the protein or instead of it bridgetreilly

Maybe my ideas of normal are skewed. I just see people who are healthy weight in my circle of family and friends eating what I would say is a normal dinner, carb, veg and protein and think that's how I should be eating. They don't skip meals, refuse birthday cake, cut fruit out their diet or agonise over menus, I'm the one doing all that and yet I'm the fat one.

Oh @Sponcen I'm with you. I'm exactly the same.
All or nothing.

I have serious issues around food stemming from my childhood. My (now dead) mother had some fear of me becoming fat and was therefore restrictive with my food. If I ate anything deemed 'bad' then I was made to feel greedy and disgusting. This is, of course, the narrative that now constantly runs through my head as an adult. I now realise she probably had an eating disorder of some kind and these issues were passed to me.

Hunger = control and success and worthiness. Feeling full = disgust, worthlessness. How fucked up is that?

It's taken me years to reach a point where I can actually have a healthy lifestyle. I now eat reasonably well and exercise regularly but not obsessively. My weight and mindset will always be a battle for me. I work hard not to pass my challenges onto my DC.

Sorry I don't have the answers, but I can empathise.

Those aren’t ridiculously tiny amounts. If they were really not enough you’d be fainting and unwell. It’s not a bad thing to restrict your food intake to kick start a diet. Just keep going and add in a few more vegetables and fruit for variety, maybe consider a vitamin supplement.
Bit don’t go deciding you’ve got an eating disorder. It’s hard these days for everyone to manage their weight, food is plentiful and it’s easy to over eat but that doesn’t make us all mentally unwell!!

If you have a sedentary lifestyle then I agree that isn't actually a tiny amount of calories.

Have you been on diets most of your adult life? I have. I’m heavier now than I’ve ever been. Dieting fails for 95% of people. I would recommend a couple of things. One is the book ‘Brain over binge’ by Kathryn Hansen. It helps you understand the bingeing process and why dieting tends to end up being the purge that then sets off the binge. Once you’ve read the book the podcast is also really good, she answers questions sent it. I would also recommend following Rebelfit on social media. It’s run by a guy who is a personal trainer who wants to get people to stop dieting, learn to have a healthy relationship with food and start putting exercising into their weekly routine, he does ‘missions’ with advice to help you with this. I’m on my second mission. I’ve not lost weight but I’m starting to feel better about myself and my eating.

I should add - congrats on the weight loss, you’ll feel brilliant once you reach your goal I’m sure.