to think my partner should contribute more

[Wineandcheese88]

I’m after a female perspective. I’m a man who is in a relationship with two step children. I pay for every household bill some children’s clothes and half of the weekly shopping. I earn a fairly good wage and my partner earns 1/3 of what I earn. All her income is hers except some school activities and the bits I mention above. Is this fair, whenever it is brought up I’m told I’m unreasonable so haven’t bothered bringing it up again.

You say you want to use the 2:1. Using the 2/3 to 1/3 ratio might not be a fair result for you both.

£3600 / £1400 take home based on the £60K / £20K.

Assume +£300 CMS for her.
Assume +£200 each annex rental

So £3800 / £1900, 2:1.

Total bills: you say you have ‘very little’ left. So let’s say £200, your bills are £3600. (that’s a lot by the way)

That means your bills are £3600 + her share of shopping £150 + clubs £40 = £3790.

You pay 2/3 = £2525, disposable = £1275
She pays 1/3 = £1665, disposable = £235

That’s a huge difference in disposable income between two people living together!

Now if you’re thinking... but none of those figures are right! Then that is the problem I have in answering who is being unreasonable! The devil is in the detail.

I’m with @ Hearhoovesthinkzebras

You both really need to rethink your distribution of income.

Missing the point a bit, but loads of posters are getting the maths wrong. If the op earns 3x the girlfriend’s salary, this means bills need to be split 3/4 him, 1/4 her if it’s in proportion to their salaries.

It isn’t 2/3 to 1/3. Lots of my school kids make this mistake.

You should both have roughly the same disposable income. You need to sit down together and draw up a proper family budget.

His salary might be 3x hers, but his take home pay won't be. Without any complications like pensions, student loans or company cars, he will take home about £3600 pm and her £1400, plus she has child maintenance and more of the rental income, so her income is probably around half his, possibly more.

But splitting bills proportionally when one partner earns significantly more than the other is always going to leave the higher earner with more disposable income, which is why this isn't a fair thing to do.

What is more fair is that they take all joint costs out of joint income and split what is left over 50/50 so that they have the same personal spending money. But it sounds like she won't like that, as she'll have significantly less to spend than she does now.

@PurpleDaisies you’re absolutely right if the income split was £20K and £60K. My Y6 kid would be high fiving you!

But OP didn’t allow for difference in proportion after tax is taken, and then drip fed both CMS (no amount given) and then a whole other rental income! (again, no amount given).

My assumptions (post tax + rent for him, post tax + rent + CMS for her) does take them to a 2/3 and 1/3 split (£3800 to £1900) as he only has 2x more than her, not 3x.

I’m bored tidal and now far too curious about what the real numbers are

Thanks for that Ellis. It looked like the classic mistake that I got with my year 5s! Have done it to death now.

Essentially, the principle I live by is that once you've discharged all of your monthly commitments (Bills, joint savings, stuff for the kids etc) and transport costs, you should have basically the same in disposable income.

I would not embark on a relationship where there were children involved (I have children, I'm married, I was the product of a massy blended family - it's a 'no' from me) but if I did, I would budget a spending plan for the kids and use the maintenance directly for that. If there was extra money required this would go into the wash as joint expenses and then we'd both pay the requisite amounts to ensure we we were left with the same amount of cash.

Combined you take home in the region on £4.6k - deduct your total bills from that and split it in two - that should be your surplus each month.

My DH and I have done this since we had our first child as I went back part-time. It works great, we still treat each other now and then and expenses for the kids come out of the joint account and we repay our share.

My other opinion is that it's good that your partner receives maintenance, it's not guaranteed, and therefore I would never enter into a relationship unless I was willing to fund step-children like they were my own. The maintenance would be a happy bonus but if it disappeared I would look at it as my responsibility to ensure they were well looked after allied to my responsibility to being in a relationship with a man who had children that pre-date our relationship.

I haven’t meant to withhold any details,

Then we need actual numbers to offer any helpful thoughts:
Take home pay each
Mortgage amount
Essential Bills
Car repayments
Maintenance and rent received
Debt repayments
Pension contributions

It is possible that you are spending all your cash on a flash car and not seeing that whilst a car is essential anything costing more than 5 grand is not essential - i.e. maybe you are defining 'disposable income' more restrictively than others. I think you need to give us all the details people have asked if you want anything sensible back. Why are you so unwilling to give these details?